A new thread - My W's OW, the Predator

[CaliGuy]

Dif

Absolutely ... its a "you and I against the world" type approach .. and "we are so meant for each other .. look at how well this is going ... well ya know .. cept for the broken family and all that .. but besides all the lies and deceit I mean we are really meant ot be together ... well once you get D'd and move out that is"

Once your W wakes up and realizes the flaws ... Guess who shines like an angel, the lighthouse ... you have to gain strength before this .. trust me.

It all goes back to that one thing relationships need ... Foundation.... which is built on trust. Something ... like you I stumbled on early when I planted seeds. Right now they are on a high ... but when that fades then there is all that second guessing. They do not have that, and it can never be done now as the house has already been built ... in time it will crumble.

[Wonka]

Diff,

Then she started yelling: "OW couldn't sleep at all last night, she was pacing and racking her brain, trying to figure out what awful thing she could possibly have done that you know about!"

Ka-Pow!!!! So you are in OW's head rent-free. Good! evil smile

To which I simply could not resist responding - "OH NO, NOT HERE SHE WON'T! BUT IF SHE WANTS TO CONFRONT ME SOMEWHERE ELSE, TELL HER TO BRING IT ON! THOUGH IT DOESN'T MATTER - SHE NEVER WILL. SHE'S A COWARD."

Whooo-hoo!! Yeah, I do not have my DB Wonka hat on at the moment. Just from a raw perspective...yay! I like your fighting spirit, Diff.

"Have you ever considered that I might actually I love her? No one has ever made me feel this way. It's getting very serious between us, you have no idea. You are just being unreasonable about our breakup. You're just trying to make me leave her and come back to you. We are over, done, relationships don't work out all the time. You just need to accept this. I don't love you anymore."

I would have pulled the "loophole" script that Cali told his wife. That was GOLD. Cali, I am trying to remember that one post...in Heavy's thread?

I would have truth darted W here: Our break-up?! No, there was no "our" break up. It was all one-sided which was incredibly devastating and hurtful thing to do. Save that bullshit for some other dope...not me.[then I would have pulled out the Cali "loophole" script right here]

[DifRent]

You're on so much of a higher level OW cant even breath the same air as you.

Thanks, Fogg. You made me smile.

Hugs,
Dif

[DifRent]

I love the phrase "truth darts." I need to practice my delivery, for sure...

[DifRent]

Thanks for the encouragement and virtual high fives, Wonka! It's been a tough day, so to read your posts and the others, combined with a good divorce support group tonight, I feel much better.

I would have truth darted W here: Our break-up?! No, there was no "our" break up. It was all one-sided which was incredibly devastating and hurtful thing to do. Save that bullshit for some other dope...not me.

I can say that I've been clear about this very point. But I haven't put it in a "truth darting" sort of way. I need to practice that, to be succinct and pointed and truthful, and just walk away.

[DifRent]

Woke up this morning with her not being here, and it's probably the first time this has happened where I definitely prefer it this way. Till now, it's been a miserable crapshoot either way... feels empty when she's here, feels empty when she isn't. I actually had a good night's sleep for the first time in a long time. I credit the job for no other reason than it's got me out of the house and in a bit of a routine, as well as the great support at my group last night, and on this board. I needed it. My PMA was absolutely shot yesterday.

I sent W an email last night requesting that she leave the garage door opener here, since I'm pretty much the only one who needs it now - and also to request that she get back with me about a birthday dinner for my older son that we mentioned last week she might cook... one of his favorites, Albanian pizza.

I'm curious to hear her answer. His birthday is Saturday, but both boys work that night. Friday night they can do it, but kind of late - and I know this will conflict with OW plans. If she refuses, and I think there's a good chance she will, it's no big deal... the kids are kind of fed up with her anyway. But she was very much present for my younger son's birthday less than two months ago. She wouldn't want to come across as caring about one son's birthday and not the other's. So she's in a spot and has to decide either where her priorities lie, or, more likely, which decision doesn't make her look bad!

I may be continuing to work on detaching from her, and letting those planted seeds take root. But at least I know I'm truly detached from her answer and the outcome on this one issue. I guess that's a step in the right direction.

[CaliGuy]

I would have truth darted W here: Our break-up?! No, there was no "our" break up. It was all one-sided which was incredibly devastating and hurtful thing to do. Save that bullshit for some other dope...not me.[then I would have pulled out the Cali "loophole" script right here]

Wonka ... was actually in Difs thread ...

Dif

I do relate .. and chuckle a bit about the constant "We broke up" you hear on the boards. Mine did the same, and its like its justified ... I broke up with you so I could PA the OP ... yeah .. thats all it takes, I truth darted mine one night as I openly admitted I had not known about this hidden loophole in a marriage, and looked forward to going out getting drunk and calling my next W up slurring "itsth over" just before I got naked and bed another woman. The look she gave me was a priceless one.

[CaliGuy]

Dif

Hang in there ... its a long long haul and sometimes you just need to hop off the carousel and let it take a few laps without you.

It is funny to me how they worry about 'how things look' regardless of what they have done or are doing ... in time she will realize she F'd up .... just a matter of when and where you will be by then.

[DifRent]

Okay Cali... got the opportunity to email a truth dart this morning in reference to how the W is distancing herself even from the kids. I know it's the OW who is encouraging her to reframe the language and ditch us all. And I wanted to make a point.

I emailed my W last night, as I mentioned, about our older son's birthday dinner this weekend. Made it clear the kids could only do something late on Friday, but if she didn't want to do it, just let me know. She wrote back...

"Regarding S20's birthday, I do have plans for Friday starting at around 7pm so I was thinking of cooking dinner (pizza) earlier and having a quick celebration. I want however to make sure that we do not give the impression that this is a 'happy family celebration' because that is not true. I am doing this out of respect for you and the fact that the boys do need to feel that they have some support."

I wrote back...

"Two things: one, you're right. We're not a happy family. We're a broken family - because you walked out on us. You can't make a commitment and call people your family, as recently as two months ago, and then just decide they aren't your family, no matter what anyone else says or encourages you to profess.

"Two, thanks for the offer on the pizza, but I don't think you read the email correctly. The boys work until 8, so although making pizza early works for you, it doesn't work for the guest of honor or his brother. We'll do something else."

I am not sure I've responded so succinctly to her nonsense before. Email is good - we can't fight, so my words sit there and linger longer.

She's not here this afternoon, won't be here tonight, I'm sure. Guess I was wrong that she'd be around more often this week, but I have no complaints, really. A friend is coming over to take me out to dinner. I appreciate how he looks after me.

[DifRent]

Wow... before I went to dinner, I went to throw some things in the recycling bin. For the second time in a week, I found some of my books in there! She's been purging, and I forgave the first incident as simply a mistake... even though one of the books was my high school yearbook. But today? I was just livid, and had to call her...

She answered, clearly in the checkout lane of a grocery store. I said, "Look, this is the SECOND time I've found MY things in the trash. I'm about ready to dump the whole bin in the driveway to see what else of mine might be in there..."

"Don't do that!" she said. "I promise you, that's all that was in there. I was wondering if they were yours, but figured it didn't matter. Because they were hidden. And you'll never guess where..."

I really have NO IDEA how "hidden" things are fair game for the trash, but I knew exactly where these "gay themed" books were... in a storage footstool in our bedroom.

Why were they there?

Because a year and a half ago, I put every photo, book, document, etc. I could think of that might "give us away" as gay in that footstool when her "prone to snooping" (as she described him) brother, sister-in-law, and nieces - who are Albanian, have no idea my W is gay, and barely speak English, btw - just decided to visit for immigration purposes while my W was in Afghanistan, and I had to entertain them. For three weeks. With the language barriers, and their lack of understanding about our relationship.

Yes. I did all that. And she left me anyway.

And then... threw out my books.