Done... thanks Wonka and Pigpen! Off here again... hugs, enjoy your weeks!
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Haha Wonka... well, I didn't want to do anything in response to her temp checking without your expert advice.
This week has been good in a lot of ways - feeling the distance and the separation from my W is probably necessary. My friend is very dear to me, but I'm struggling with being here in the midst of her happy family. She has a sweet six year old daughter (who loves and misses my W) who sleeps with my friend while her husband (an incredibly good man) is away. It makes me long for the days my kids were young and sweet like that, my kids who moved out just a month ago and are happy to be on their own. I miss their presence in my home and their more constant presence in my life.
The job I have right now has me working with high school seniors and their parents. The parents and their weepy incredulity at how fast it all goes takes me back to a year ago at this time when my younger son was entering his senior year, and how relieved we all were that my W had just left her Afghanistan post, and I was getting ready to board a plane and meet her in Albania for a month where we were going to plan the next exciting phase of our lives back home together. It was an amazing and wonderful, happy, relieved time in my life.
This week, I can't help wishing I could just press rewind, take nothing for granted, and do just enough things differently when we returned home for us to be in a good place now, instead of this mess. I really miss having a family, and our family life. I feel very alone this week, even while being in the midst of my good friend and her family - maybe even moreso because I'm here. But I need to start adjusting to my new normal, no matter how much I would prefer not to.
Thanks, just wanted to get that out. I know I keep saying I'm going off the board, but I might be back.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
I can echo your sentiments about pressing the rewind button.
I want my family back, I want my W back and my old life.
However, until/if they return to their common sense, we will carry on ....RIGHT! They will find out their AP are just fantasy and we are getting stronger every day. If they realize what a dumba## they have been, good for us and we are in the power seat. If they don't, we still are in the power seat because we have done the work of self reflection, mirror work, GAL, and just evolved to be better persons. Belive it becuase it is true.
Off to work now - putting in a lot of hours to get back up to speed. I was pretty much a basket case the first 3 months, and my work suffered a little. I am now making that up in spades and am being super productive which in turn makes me feel better and more in control of my destiny.
Take it day by day Diff.
Hold on and do keep posting. I really enjoy reading your posts.
But hey... WW doesn't quite seem to know what to do with my no contact week.... even though I announced to her on Sunday that I didn't want to talk to her this week.
Maybe it's not "pure" no contact, though. I did text her on Tuesday in response to her voicemail, and got Wonka's (and Pigpen's) blessing for my minimalist response. Left things alone for a day.
This morning, she posted some photos on Facebook regarding the real estate business, and all the closings she had lined up yesterday. I knew it was a big day for her, even though part of it had to do with the OW's listing and new purchase. I decided to be a good sport and commented: "W is the hardest working woman in real estate. Proud of you."
She "liked" and commented back, "Thanks, Dif."
Thought little of it, went to work, hung out with some friends.
Then tonight... I missed a call... she left a voicemail...
"Hey, um... it's me, I'm just... checking in, just wanted to talk to you... I should be here from... I don't know... you can call me back or... whatever... just wanted to check in, and see how you're doing, how's the job going, all of that... thanks..."
Temp checking, yeah, I know. I get it. But how should I respond? Or should I respond? Would it be a bad idea to suggest she meet me somewhere I already plan to be on Sunday afternoon, so we can catch up? Other people will be around, so there might be some safety in those numbers... but maybe I should just be completely detached. Would love some group feedback.
Been GALing like crazy this week. Not sure I love my current job, but I do like the people and the company... thinking and hoping there might be some opportunity that I might enjoy more for me down the road with these folks.
In any case, had the BEST night last night with my boys and my friends. Tonight, a good long conversation with my best friend about what the future might look like for me with or without my W (oh, and some EVEN EARLIER emails I discovered in our account from the predator... but will save those for a later day... they have no impact on my PMA, but are absolutely affirming for me regarding her predatory intentions from day one... damn... I'm going to write a book. I am a writer, you know. If it turns out I'm worthy, will you all give me good reviews on Amazon???
Anyway, while I'm not doing the best job of staying away from the board, I really do feel like this has been the best week yet in terms of detachment from the W. AND... she has reached out to me twice completely out of the blue perhaps on account of it. Not that such is my intention, the detachment is important regardless, and I feel and know that. But the voicemails have been interesting "byproducts." And I know on this board, that's the kind of result people want to hear.
I'm off again for the week... until I'm not... right, Wonka?
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
I can tell how hard this is for you from your post and I am very sorry you are dealing with this. Believe me, I know how much it blows.
The good news is that you have a job! You are meeting new people though your job which is also really good.
Personally I would not respond to the voice mail. I would go dark. But then, that's just my opinion. I struggle still on whether or not to return texts or messages. I do not check Facebook and don't comment on anything she writes. It's just too painful for me. I went cold turkey and blocked her, which of course made her mad. Oh well.
You keep posting on this Board, you have a lot of support here and have many many friends rooting for you. OK?! You can do this.
Hey Heavy... thanks for chiming in and all your support. I'm going dark at the moment in lieu of any better idea. I only did the FB thing because my coach said to affirm her and support her when I could. Interesting that I did, and then hours later, a VM out of the blue. Which for now, I am ignoring.
I know I have a lot of friends rooting for me and supporting me here, and you're in the front row. REALLY means a lot to me. Thanks for being such a good friend... wish I could buy you a drink.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Her call/VM seems to be in response to you and your FB post ... nothing sounded urgent, she was just callin in to 'temp' check on you... did not sound urgent and you are just so darn busy with that new life of yours it slipped your mind. She did say "You can call me back or whatever" ... you can feel free to choose whatever here, allow her to pursue you a bit here as those seeds continue to grow.
Hey Cali... I am the better option. I am. I know. Thank you for reminding me.
She called me twice today while I was at work and couldn't take the calls anyway... once in the morning, once in the afternoon. So interesting... last week, she ignored my texts. This week, I'm ignoring her calls. She was at the house today working in our office and probably is wondering why I've not been around - it's clear I haven't if she sees the sheets haven't been put on my (our) bed, the wine she bought last week hasn't been touched, the Vitamix is missing... she left no messages today, but I think she was alone, curious, and I don't know... are the seeds growing? Was she missing my being there like I used to be?
I'm really wondering how things will be once she moves out in a few weeks. Will she miss me? Call me? Care at all?
The thing is... it's not like me not to respond to texts or calls - does it seem like I'm game playing or employing some kind of strategy if I don't respond? Or that I'm too pissed to talk to her? Or what? I am happy to let her pursue, but I also don't want to go too far in the other direction. Would love for her to ruminate all weekend (during which she all kinds of amazing and fun plans), but I don't want to make matters worse. Thinking of texting that I'm super busy tomorrow, maybe we can catch up later.
As for me, I'm moving in the right direction... I think. I did find some more emails this week - absolutely by accident when looking for something else! And boy, they paint the perfect picture of a predator. (I'll share them next week.) I know I'm not supposed to be dwelling on her, but again, if I understand how all this began in the first place, it actually helps with my PMA. I can clearly see how this woman planted her own tainted seeds, and while it's tragic that my W fell for it, the story she tells about us is just a myth.
Enjoying my last night here at my friend's house with a gin and tonic and some mindless television. No real GAL plans this weekend, so I need to come up with some. But wondering if anyone has any thoughts about responding to her one way or another?
Hope you're all doing well!
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
It seems to me like you are doing pretty well. You will get different opinions about what to do about answering phone calls, voice messages, etc....
Personally, I don't reply unless they are about the kids. If I do reply, it's only business and I don't ask about anything. I mean, what else is there to talk about? She fired you, took off with the OW. I mean that's all there is...
Let her wonder and ponder where you are and what you are doing. Let her experience her stupid decisions and the ramifications of them. It's her loss.
You are the BETTER WOMAN. Let your wife realize on her own how much she has mucked up her life and how you are not around to take her crumbs anymore. Work on improving you and getting a life without her. In my opinion, that is the only chance any of us have.
The classic mistake that LBS make is "if I go too dark, they will really stop the pursuit." Heck we all think that way. Sometimes doing nothing is the best answer.
But as always, my caveat is - it's only my opinion.... do what feels best for you and one that allows you to continue to move forward and onward.
