What about the rules in regards to the WW filing for divorce and maintaining her affair?
There is not a specified rule in regards to her filing for D. In a case such as yours, my suggestion would be to continue using the 37 rules as long as you are under the same roof. As soon as the two of you are under separate roofs, then you go dark.
It is not too late to apply these rules, although we can't guarantee how much impact it may have on any individual, I believe it is a good guideline whenever in doubt as what to do.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Great set of rules. They seem mostly to apply to LBS doing LRT. My situation is not yet there but potentially could get there.in such a case is the advice to follow all the rules anyway or can some be ignored to start with.
I disagree. I think a lot of them apply to any relationship in which one partner is heading out the door & the other wants the R to continue.
Pull back, get a grip and really dig deep within Yourself to see what, if anything needs changing IN YOU -
and follow most/all the rules til you have done YOUR work.
THEN you can reassess and decide if & when the LRT would need application but since it is THE LAST resort, by definition,
you'd do a whole lot of other approaches (see "rules") FIRST.
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks 25yearsmlc, I copied your advice to my thread to be able to reread from time to time.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Thank you for these rules, I am learning a lot here. I was struggling with how often to text/call H during the day. If I text him about the kids- for example my son had a dr appointment today- he usually ignores it. If I text him that his new shoes were delivered I get an immediate response. So I am going to stop texting him, unless it is something logistical and urgent, no friendly texts until he starts. This is heartbreaking. That is the biggest one for me, I am going to reread them though.
The rule of thumb about contacting is to not "initiate" it. Unless of course, there is some type of real emergency. In other words, do not find excuses to text. Ask yourself if it can wait until H contacts you, or is it something you can, at the least, hold till the end of the workday.
(If there is a child with special needs, then of course, this "rule" should be adjusted accordingly.)
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I never remember saying what you've quoted below. It goes totally opposite of what I would advise. I have seen a few places where another poster misquoted me on their thead. Can you tell me where you saw it, and I'll check it out.
Quote:
Hey Sandi, you mentioned below that if living in separate roofs, the LBS should go dark ...instead of using the rules or doing Last Resort Technique?
Where is the "below"?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have been searching to see where you might have read. I think perhaps this may be the reply you saw to a poster who was asking about his particular stitch. Just guessing, since you have not posted any more.
Quote:
There is not a specified rule in regards to her filing for D. In a case such as yours, my suggestion would be to continue using the 37 rules as long as you are under the same roof. As soon as the two of you are under separate roofs, then you go dark.
It is not too late to apply these rules, although we can't guarantee how much impact it may have on any individual, I believe it is a good guideline whenever in doubt as what to do.
This is the advice I gave that person for his stitch.. Please note that it may not apply to your stitch b/c yours could be somewhat different. I encourage you to post your story by starting a thread.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
