I have not read that (I will, I need to use this to learn but I am reading a lot of material at the moment haha), but I am not only talking about physical touching. I am talking about like random text messages saying "I love you" throughout the day, randomly giving her flowers or simply kissing her before I left for work (I left while she was still sleeping but she would always wake up slightly as I left). But I am sure I could have done more. Thinking back though, she did not seem to be very affectionate toward me. Maybe I needed more of that.
The book is very enlightening. Yes, what you listed are ways of showing love. But there are others. or example, one of my big ones is "Acts of Service". So I think "oh, I just emptied the dishwasher. Thats me showing you that I love you." But if my wife doesnt also have that language, then she just thinks "yay. clean dishes." At the same time, if she isnt using the same language, then I will feel unloved or unappreciated.
Originally Posted By: pinn
I think that is exactly what she is looking for or has found. I know we cannot get that aspect back but think there are things we could do to bring us emotionally closer and we could still have a great marriage. I don't know how she could come to that realization though.... everything seemed to happen so fast.... crazy
Again, what you are describing seems to be that drug rush of a new relationship. No. You cant get that back. Works the same as with drugs right. The first few times you get that incredible high, but then your body adjusts and it just isnt quite the same any more. It sounds like she is chasing that first high. You cant give that to her anymore....you just cant. Dont beat yourself up over it.
As to things happening fast, I posted this to Mutatio earlier today. It's really like watching a lake freeze from the bottom up. On the surface, you dont notice anything happening. But once that top part freezes you discover the entire [censored] thing is a giant block of ice. Of course it looks sudden to you....you only JUST saw the top layer freeze! But to the lake, its been freezing for months/years.
Azzork we are going to be friends. I'll have to read your story.
When I say fast I guess I was specifically describing how fast she moved out without wanting to give anything a try. I know everything else had been building for some time though I don't think it had been building for very long. I noticed a very slight change in her behavior about a month before the BD. It was just like BD, ring off immediately, found a place in a few days and moved out 2 weeks later without a second look back.
When I say fast I guess I was specifically describing how fast she moved out without wanting to give anything a try. I know everything else had been building for some time though I don't think it had been building for very long. I noticed a very slight change in her behavior about a month before the BD. It was just like BD, ring off immediately, found a place in a few days and moved out 2 weeks later without a second look back.
I think youre missing my point. It's only fast to you, because you didnt see it building all of these years. In her mind, she had ALREADY been trying for years. Not saying it's right or wrong....just what it is.
Yea I understand what you are saying. I am sure it had been building inside of her for some time. I guess it really doesn't matter, the situation is what it is.
I am having trouble putting into perspective the time frame of this. It has been just about 2 months since the bomb, 1 month since she moved out. Is this a long time, short time, or what? I am actually nervous to see any contact from her... email, text or call because I think that all she is going want to discuss is proceeding with getting divorced.
What do you mean by timeframe? As in the time between DB and separation? Or the time since then? Honestly, there is no standard for any of it. It is what it is and it may be different for each case. One thing that is for sure is that nothing will happen quickly. This is a freight train full of inertia that isn't going to be "snapped". She isn't going to just "wake up". So, you have the time now. Use it!
Basically what I am wondering is from the time she left until now... Over a month... Is that a long or short amount of time to recieve basically no contact? It's frustrating.
Tough time this morning... Not sure why. Seems like I get worse when I am at work and am perfectly fine when I am in the house we shared for four years.
Basically what I am wondering is from the time she left until now... Over a month... Is that a long or short amount of time to receive basically no contact? It's frustrating.
Unfortunately, theres not a good answer. In general, a month is a very short time around here. Ive been separated from my W for ~5 months now. I would say theres been no contact unless theres something about kids or finances.
But it gives me the time and space I need to become Azzork2.0.
Today is the big 2 month mark since the BD... actually right about this time. It is crazy to think that 10 seconds before that happened, I had no idea what I was in for.
Took the day off from work today. We had planned a 2 week vacation in July that scrapped so I have plenty of time. I feel the worst at work for some odd reason anyway. I hurt my shoulder so I haven't been able to gym this week but I still have been running and working my core. I think I'll go for a nice run later and take care of the house a bit.
Besides that I am back on track after my weakness last weekend. Today is day 5 with no contact and I have no urge to do anything. If things to officially end, I will have to cut ties with her completely. She would be too much of a risk to any future relationship (shes destroyed em in the past). That makes me sad because I have known her since I was 10 and there are so so many memories there and though we are relatively young.
