welp.. wife moved out just about 2 months ago now. I have not exchanged a phone call, email or text with her in a month. Definitely helps my mental state but am still sad about the situation. I think I was always looking too much into the future and not enjoying the here and now. Actually, that future disappearing in a second is probably what bothers me most. Lots of learning though and I will not repeat the same mistakes. My next R either with the wife or someone else will be good. I also realized that my wife was not affectionate enough to me. I really felt good when she was. It is something I needed more of. Since this has happened a few times, I was insecure and that would have reassured me making more comfortable in the relationship which would have made things better. But I never talked to her about it. It is tough walking around day after day knowing that it could end anytime. But there is another lesson learned... don't do that.
She took the 'married' tag down on FB. Stung a little but is both sad and good. Obviously, I had been waiting for it and it made me sad. But as soon as she did that, I was able to block her. That may seem childish but it is very helpful (been here before). We have too many mutual friends and she is popping up all over the place on that thing. Once I see her pop up, I would be tempted to look at her page, and that could be bad news. Also, she was showing up on the chat which also could lead to a moment of weakness. What do you all think of that... good move, bad move?
I do have a new goal. I think everyday about how many days it has been since I last contacted her. I can't detach if I am doing that. So starting today, no more keeping track.
In terms of the big D, I am not even thinking about it. If she brings it up, she brings it up. If not, I will wait until the new year and re-evaluate.
Do think the blocking is the right thing to do? I should just continue on with the no contact? I will admit it is hard to just sit here in limbo when the prospects of getting back together seem so bleak. I do not want to rush it...but man.
If she does contact me, I will run it by the board before I respond.
Well... I am done until she comes back into a R with me, or I am just done. Until then, I am in a weird limbo state, I think anyway. Why does she get to decide? She has decided when we have started and stopped for the last 16 years. I guess I'll just stick to the plan and let it go until the new year and re-evaluate.
No, no I do not think I am ready for dating. That will be a heck of an experience if and when it happens. The poor girl...
hmmm... I think I see what you are throwing down here... I guess there should not be a difference, either way my mind set should be the same. Yea, I tend to agree with that.
BUT...what I am talking about is the end game I guess. There is going to be a resolution one way or the other eventually here. The first case has the ball in her court, the second case the ball is in my court.
I guess I am just not sure if this ever can work out. I cannot be in a relationship when I am always walking around wondering if this will be the day it ends... again. I think that feeling contributed to where I am at now.
Maybe I am just over thinking things and moving a little fast. I don't know. I'll just keep on keeping on and re-evaluate a few months down the road.
BUT...what I am talking about is the end game I guess. There is going to be a resolution one way or the other eventually here. The first case has the ball in her court, the second case the ball is in my court.
If you are at the end game, sure. But if you aren't, there is no ball. Well, there is, I guess, but you don't need to worry about it because you're doing your kickass pinn stuff. Once you are at the endgame, you take the ball and go home.
