Thank you Azzork, I really don't like sitting here at work and just stewing in my thoughts. I can think of some really stupid stuff when I have too much time on my hands. Hard to focus on my job.
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
Today seems to be a bad day for a lot of us. Maybe there is some truth to aligning of the planets . This is the hardest part for me. Not knowing how I will feel from day to day, hour to hour. It's like I can't trust my feelings anymore. You seemed Much more positive yesterday. Maybe if you could recognize that this is just a feeling and the degree of despair is only temporary. It will pass...I know easy to say.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Hi Julie, thanks for stopping by! Yesterday I wanted to fight for myself, for something better, I had lots of hope and felt lighter and things seemed clear. Today I just want her to hold me. It's a hell of a roller coaster. I read something or other about just being like water and going with the flow. Stop trying to resist what I feel and let it take its course. Patience in this is difficult. I want to be upbeat and happy for my Daughter. I hate when she asks me why I am sad. It kills me.
Sandi, if you read this, I read your post on the WW, do you have or is there something similar for WAW(left for reasons other than A)?
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
The "custody" Man that feels weird to write. We haven't really worked any thing official out. Maybe I'm being naive. I do feel like a little kid in here some times haha. I have the "9-5" job and my schedule syncs up with school more. So I have her Sunday-Friday morning. (She has been more attached to me since she was 3, and is prt of why I think my wife left actually, she often mentioned jealousy of my daughter and i's closeness. I sort of brushed it off and said it would change with age, as this is what I was told, but I can see it causing a lot of resentment now.) my wife takes her Friday and Saturday..drops her off Sunday morning. Kind of one sided when I think about it. (She did mention less stress with no bills and no kids during the week...lame)
I haven't really said anything yet. I'm on a challenge that I won't contact her the whole week. And that may go even longer. She has texted me a few times asking about can she take this or that from the house while I'm not there. Or if bills have been paid. (She always paid the bills, often complained about it, when I tried to take over them, I could never "do" them right.) I only respond with yes no or it's good to go
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
I, too, have found God (once again, perhaps). I too, have gone through the begging, pleading, crying, etc. And, within the month, discovered both Ito, DR (Read it in one evening and have held on to it as close as my bible, re-reading it whenever I can), M. Cross, and a few others. This forum, however, keeps me coming back. In fact, I find myself reading it throughout the work day and as soon as I get back in from the office. I trust the right support group and advice is to be found on here. Hoping the same for you.
I'd just like to say that it feels good (odd as that may seem) to know others who are just recently going through this as well. I look forward to following your stories and honestly pray that we can all look back with huge smiles on our faces that we've made it through, busted the situation and worked towards a better life with our significant others, however that "better life" may be.
Yes it does feel good to know there are other people out there just like me, going through the same pain. I wish with all my heart that this wasn't the case. But such is life.
We will all get through this one way or another. In this I know. Ive put my faith in my Higher Power. And let him take the reins. She will find her way to back to me or she wont. It isn't up to me anymore!
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
Different thoughts today/last night. I have the tendency to get upset/irritated very easily and is one of the 180's I am working on. So if any of this seems like me jumping the gun let me know. I am not in a rush. Just things I've been thinking of.
My wife and I were/are best friends. Inside jokes, interests, humor, movies, all the good stuff. Somewhere along our journey through life, I/we lost sight of that friendship. She wants to remain my bff even after telling me she is moving towards a divorce. I agreed and said, yes I would always be her friend! But the only motivation for that statement was that by being her friend, she may one day come back as my lover.
So is it rational of me to think: I don't want to get friend zoned by my Wife! Hell no, how am I going to be her friend when/if she has OM in her life. I don't want that. I don't deserve that.
Another train of thought. I have started to think of finances. I make 85% of the income. (part of why I was controlling) At BD, I said I would help her out. Pay for her car, bills, phone etc etc. She is currently with her mom. Plans to move out and into a house her stepdad has rent free. Her mom said she would help her furnish it. Even yesterday she called me to ask how I wanted to finish the payments for the couch we had bought not a month ago. Started to look at taking what I pay for/make out of the picture. If this is a bad idea let me know. I am willing to wait until we start the divorce process.
Whats interesting is that the first couple of nights these are things she brought up that worried her. And things that her parents told her I eventually would start to think about. I of course denied all of this, I would never not be there for her right!? (Am I becoming too bitter? I love my wife, loving her from a distance. I want to support her, but I don't want to be walked all over.)
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
As to your first concern, I would not agree to remain friends. I would not be forced to downgrade my M to a friendship. But that's just me. She will need to see you completely gone from her life before she would change her mind anyway. This will let her see what she is missing. Otherwise she gets the benefits of a friendship with you, and what do you get out of it? Nothing.
Me:29 W:27 M: 4 years T: 5 years No children S: 7/7/15 EA: 7/7/15 BD/"I'm done": 7/15/15 MC: 7/7/15-8/21/15 (failed) PA: 8/29/15 W Files for D: 9/9/15 D will finalize in 60 days
. This is the hardest part for me. Not knowing how I will feel from day to day, hour to hour. It's like I can't trust my feelings anymore. You seemed Much more positive yesterday. Maybe if you could recognize that this is just a feeling and the degree of despair is only temporary. It will pass...I know easy to say.