Hey CaliGuy, great to hear from you. I guess I really should be grateful for where we are. I really didn't expect to still be living in the house by this point in time.
I'm just still so on guard that I question everything. Probably a good thing.
Guess this is the patience thing I keep hearing about.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Like MWD says, the recovery is more a zigzag then a straight line. There will be times when she is down and doubtful. There will be times when you are. But as long as the trend is upwards I would be hopeful. Hang in there and still continue the solution based strategies.
And don't forget the ubiquitous pursuer/distance dynamic that seems to be forever at play. You may be able to override that dynamic if you call it out so that both of you are aware that it's going on. Sometimes just being aware of a psychological process renders it impotent to affect the relationship dynamic.
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014
Intellectually I know the path is not straight, just hard to feel that patience sometimes. Without a doubt things are on an upward trajectory right now.
Are you suggesting that I should consider calling out the pursuer/pursued dynamic?
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
If I couldn't forgive, I wouldn't still here, but I'll never forget.
Is this normal during piecing?
First, I want to say it really seems that things are looking great for you! Baby steps and time. Repeat: baby steps and time! I keep waiting and waiting for our situation to get to that level. The best I have is a candle at the end of the tunnel and at least a thinning of the fog... I am happy for you!
Forgetting and forgiving are not one in the same. You will never forget, as well you shouldn't because it keeps things from repeating. The fact that you have forgiven means you are way past that. Way past. Not many can truly forgive, and with time you won't truly forget, but it won't be brought to the surface, either.
Quote:
Intellectually I know the path is not straight, just hard to feel that patience sometimes. Without a doubt things are on an upward trajectory right now.
Patience is probably the hardest thing to achieve. Heck, my four year old told me to "have patience, Daddy." haha...
Quote:
Are you suggesting that I should consider calling out the pursuer/pursued dynamic?
I am confused on why you would want to bring that to her attention? It may work, but may also have the opposite effect, too.
Last edited by Evil_E; 10/22/1506:19 PM.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
That's what i was questioning. I feel like it would be manipulative to try and bring that up. I'd rather just keep my mouth shut and keep an eye on things.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Wow, there seems to be a correlation between me saying we're in piecing and her meltdowns. Up until 2:00 this morning, fighting, screaming, same repetitive script from her over and over.
I allowed myself a little bit of comfort and optimism, and I get bitten every time.
What the hell am I doing?
Last edited by NH115; 10/23/1501:19 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Like Vanilla, I know nothing about piecing since mine went quickly to divorce and my xh moving to another woman, but I'm still here and still praying for you. Take care of NH first. Good luck, my friend.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
NH, V said on my thread that elements of my situation reminded her of your situation. I will read about your experience to understand where your coming from. Hopefully it will bring a little clarity to my situation.
If you don't mind I will bounce some of my experiences off of you.
