First Post, She just Left, Very unsure

[JulieH]

((((Havhope))))

She was honest with you. I'm so sorry. I can imagine how awful it was to hear it. The only good thing is you have intel. This is about other men so the advise seems to be harsher. What have you been advised by attorney? I would not support your wife any more than you legally need to. But I would never withhold anything that would benefit your daughter.

I believe the advise is typically to cut her out and let her deal with her own problems. Don't be nasty or show her hostility but don't be her friend either. She kind of needs to hit rock bottom.

It's so awful and hard and nothing any of us can say will change things, but there is not much you can do. Just keep being an awesome dad.

Can I recommend you read tiger eyes entire thread, if you haven't allready? He seems like a guy that really embraced GAL through a lot of hardships. I think it will make you feel better.

Keep posting.

[Shrike]

Thank you again Julie.. I have no energy left to hold anything back. I cry when I feel the pain. I let the anger out on the gym. I'm at peace when I feel everything will workout. Letting my emotions take me for the ride.

I try to set boundaries in y head with how in going to be when I have to talk to her but as soon as I see her or hear her voice I break down. Is it bad that I still hope that even if we've been divorced for years she'll wake up and realize she misses me and have the desire to be with me again? I guess for me do I want to be with someone who told me she can't love me they way I love her. And walked out of my life. I still don't know the answer.

I'll try and read tigers thread. I feel like I have no time, the days are going by in a blur.

Have not had a chance to talk to the attorney yet. I have a phone consult in the coming week.

Also reading no more mr nice guy. Some of the stuff applies to me. Not sure about other things he says.
Has anyone read winning your wife back before it's too late by Gary smalley?

[JulieH]

I'm sorry, it was eye tie's thread not tiger eye (Was typing from phone and spell check took over).

The truth is thAt no matter what happens, everything will work out. You are young, you will learn from your experiences, and you will grow as a person. You will have valuable new insight and you will become strong because you have no other choice.

Experience your pain and know that it is temporary. Just do not share this pain with her. Stay cool and calm as if this is no big deal. As if your life will be great with or without her...because it will.

[Shrike]

Did a different thing yesterday.

Was at the house trying to pack stuff up and she showed up to get some of her cloths. Daughter was with grandma so She sat down and talked with me for a long time. I broke down and let a lot of what I had been thinking out. Felt better afterwards though. I wasn't so concerned about getting her back. more concerned about myself not sharing my emotions when I get the chance. I know it's supposed to make me look weak. And against the rules. But for me it felt empowering to confess my fears to her and not worry about whether she approved. So I felt stronger afterwards.

I am afraid of the future. But I don't care if anyone knows it. I think everyone battles that fear. And for me at least, the first step in conquering it is admitting it's there.

I hope I'm starting to turn the corner of accepting that there's nothing I can do to change her. But there's a lot I can do to change me.

[JulieH]

I hope I'm starting to turn the corner of accepting that there's nothing I can do to change her. But there's a lot I can do to change me.

This is great. Working on goals is the best thing you can do. I don't think any of us truly follow the rules all the time. And even if you do it doesn't guarantee anything anyway. It's hard to even know what the rules are when our situations are different as well. I find my DB coach tells me things not advised on the forum. Your in the frontline.

[Shrike]

how to respond to this?

she works at the gym I go to, selling memberships (at another location)

i had to sign up for a new membership, to get childcare started for my daughter, as the employee family membership i was under with my future ex wife had childcare at 70$

she transferred from the gym I go to now because of issues with the GM there, (something I didnt support her with as well as I should have)

I signed up for the membership with the GM and he gave me a good deal for 20$ a month with childcare and guest privileges.

So she messaged me today with this: why did you sign up with GM? When you know I work off of commission and am struggling? Plus i wasnt going to take you off of my account anyways..

i dont really know what to say... i want to tell her off... why does she care who i sign up with? its not my responsibility to help her with her struggles anymore.

i did not want to drive all the way out to her work, see her face to face just to sign up for a membership. plus i had to get childcare rolling so i could workout that day.

i made it clear i was going to be seeing her as little as possible and that i did not intend to help her past what i was legally obligated to.

[Shrike]

its hilarious, even when i am not contacting her in anyway she still finds ways to get angry with me

[sandi2]

I know it's supposed to make me look weak. And against the rules. But for me it felt empowering to confess my fears to her and not worry about whether she approved. So I felt stronger afterwards.

So what was the point of telling her about your fear, etc? If you didn't worry about what she thought, was it b/c you just wanted her to know you are scared, or were you being selfish by wanting to dump on her?

You felt better by releasing the pent up emotions, but trust me, it did not help the MR. If you can maintain not worrying about her approval, then maybe you will reach the place of not telling her your fears. You don't need to look for a chance to share your emotions or feelings with her. Not during this time.

Not picking on ya, just giving you information for future reference.

[Shrike]

It was for her approval if I look at it. I suppose I thought if I finally told her all this stuff maybe she'd see why I was the acting the way I was and she'd want to work through all that with me. But yeah she basically said thank you for telling me, you should have said something sooner.

I don't feel picked on haha. I definitely need the constructive thoughts.

[Shrike]

Need suggestions on the situation at hand.

She is basically asking me why I gave her old boss a sales commission instead of her. And the honest answer is I wasn't even thinking about her when I signed up.

I guess I should just tell her that... Now to build the courage.