Just about at the 3 month mark since the BD. What a fast three months! The first two months were a complete blur but luckily the last month has returned to almost a normal pace. I am a little bit nervous for the winter months. Days are shorter, so it will be a little harder to keep myself busy.
Still have had no contact with my wife. I think that is good, I definitely feel better that way. I do not even get an urge to contact her. But I know something could trigger me at any moment. I do not think about what she is doing her or who she is with. I do occasionally think about what she is thinking. Pointless I know, but I do wonder. Does she feel any regret? Is she missing anything from her previous life? I'll never know, but I wonder.
The biggest disappointment for me is the family dream being shattered. But this is probably for the better that it happened now. Having children might have delayed this a bit, but it would have happened eventually and it would have been a lot harder. I feel like I am getting old and I do really want a family more than anything else. I'll get there.
Sandi, I am curious about a comment you made in Ghost's thread. You said that the WW has 3 characteristics, disrespect, resentment (I think?) and rebellion. For disrespect, you asked if his wife rolled her eyes or belittled him. My wife constantly rolled her eyes and would call me a dou*** if there was a little argument. I hated that, I had asked her constantly not to do that, told her it was disrespectful but she still did. I never called her names. But I do not feel like I let her walk all over me either. So how do I prevent that in the future, either with my wife or someone else? There is a certain balance that you need to meet right? If I go too far the other way, then that is a problem as well. Do you know what I mean? I need to learn to prevent this from happening again.
ehhh.... feeling down tonight. Not sure what the deal is. Guess the three months since the BD is doing it, not sure. Or I got a notice that my wife directed mail addressed to her maiden name to be forwarded to her. That shouldn't bother me but it did make me a bit sad. Funny the little things that can get you down.
I still don't feel the need to contact her but I do wonder what she is thinking. Haven't had any communication with her in several weeks now. Ugh... i'll through it, tomorrow is a new day!
I am in the mode for a lil ranting and raving today. September is gone and I made it the whole month without any contact with the wife (including her birthday!). I know the NC makes me feel better and that is all that matters. This is so such a weird place though! Hard to look back and imagine where I am at now. Luckily, I have had no urges, probably because of my past experiences, I know the deal.
I feel like when she finally does contact me, it will only be about proceeding with divorce. I know that she divorced me the day of the big D and it is not something I should be afraid of, but I am not looking forward to that conversation.
I wonder what she is thinking from time to time even though I know it doesn't matter. Can't help it, human nature. I don't obsess over it though. I wonder if she is miserable, having the time of her life or something in between. I have absolutely no idea. I don't even know where she lives, I know it's not around here. That is weird too... her family are all within a mile of our house, all her friends are here. It really is like she is a whole new person.
Like other threads I have been reading, the question of dating keeps coming to the front of my mind. She is really the only one I have ever dated, she has dated multiple guys. I had chances, I was just infatuated with her. Now I see chances and I am kind of thinking that I want to take that chance. It would be nice to have someone be affectionate back to me. I don't know what she was more affectionate, I just know that I really liked it when she was. I am concerned about hurting someone else which will keep this at bay for a bit. Anyway, gotta keep on keeping on.
I just read through your thread and our sitch is very similar. I've known my wife 20 years, we were friends before we became a couple. What your W said to you is so similar to what my WW said to me. She took her ring off and changed her FB status to single and back to her maiden name and boom, in her mind the marriage was over that easy. I am still in state of shock.
Even though it [censored], I'm glad I can relate to some people with similar sitch, it makes me feel like I'm not going at it alone.
Last edited by Rocky80; 10/02/1507:35 PM.
Me - 34 W - 34 T- 4 M- 2 No Kids BD - 4/18/15 ILYBNILWY EA/possible PA 06/20/15 Seperated 09/28/15
I'll have to check your posts but our situations do seem real similar... kind of crazy. I am actually kinda glad because even though everyone on this site is in the same situation, I still had trouble relating to some of the situations. In some ways, I wish that we never got together. Now I am going to lose her as a wife and friend. I'll never be able to be just friends with her.
I was actually getting a little angry today. I wish she had shown more affection for me. It is something that I never realized how bad I needed. I remember a few years when she went to Puerto Rico for a girls trip. She would randomly call and text me. When I talked to her, I really felt like she actually missed me. That was after like 3 days. Fast forward to now and I have had no contact for like 40 days, haven't seen her in over 2 months, and nothing. It's frustrating.
So I was thinking about something last night. Once my wife told me she was moving out, we pretty much avoided each for two weeks. I didn't answer her calls and stayed away when I knew she was home. In the 2 or 3 days before she left, we did have some convo's. One thing I cannot understand, maybe someone can help me out (couch sandi cough). (keep in mind this was all before I found this site)
For those 2 days or so, her attitude had changed a bit. It was the only time during this whole thing where she seemed unsure. She kept saying that she wish I had talked to her 3 weeks ago about her not moving (which is complete BS by the way because I did and her response was that this is final and for me to respect her decision). But anyway, she kept saying how 'confused' she is. She said it multiple times. My response was that I didn't realize she actually wanted to talk about us and that I had thought her mind was 100% made up. Her response to that was.... my mind is 100% made up, I love you, but this is not what I want. My response was... OK (but then I was the one confused!)
So obviously I misinterpreted what she was 'confused' about. Any thoughts about that? What was she confused about? That has been the only time in over 3 months that she showed any wavering.
I doubt I can explain it very well. Most men readily agree that the female is a complex creature, and men cannot completely figure them out. So, whenever a woman is wayward and walking away from a M, you can multiply her complexity. She can't even figure out herself.......so what chance does the H stand? She truely is as unpredicable as a tornado.
I was just reading a post from a LBH who was really beginning to get his act together. Then he sees his WW smile, look pretty, talk nice to him........and everything in him is being drawn to her. I'm sure you can relate.
With a WW, she's already living out of her emotions, which are very unstable. So she goes without seeing her H or having contact with him for several weeks. When they finally do make contact, and if it is handled in a nice manner.......it could confuse her emotions......especially if her emotions were previously "set up". In other words, if something else earlier in the day had her missing what she got from you. If her emotions had already taken a hit from another direction earlier in the day, then they set her up. Notice how she quickly she changed again. Yet, it didn't seem to match the other she was saying, right? That's why you can't listen to it, or figure it out. It's only her messed up emotions. Her thoughts can change just that quickly. Before she finished the discussion, they changed again. Who knows what may have triggered her to say she wished you had told her three weeks ago.
There are so many WW's who return home during a period that her emotionstrace taken a hit from her OM. She wants to run back to her H, who will soothe her feelings. However, we see where in just a day or so she is right back to contacting OM. That's just one small example.
You did not make a mistake by not talking to her three weeks ago. Isn't it something how a WW can twist it to make the H always think he's to blame.......no matter what it may be?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It is crazy... when she was saying that she wished I had talked to her 3 weeks ago... I was like what planet am I living on. I mean I distinctly remember the conversations because they were not pleasant for me. We def talked about it.
Thanks for the perspective Sandi, I do appreciate it. My wife fits all the WW criteria that you post about. I think you are right, I'll never be able to get in her head and see things exactly from her perspective so no sense trying. I was just having trouble understanding what that was all about. She said she was confused, i said I didn't realize you were confused, then it was I am not confused... all in the course of maybe 5 minutes. And then that was it, the doubt was gone and has never returned.
And just to be clear, since it is a little confusing, that all happened a few months ago before she moved out. Still have not had contact with her in several weeks now.
