Ancaire, I must say, my hair turned out beautiful!! I really did not change it much, but I am in the process of growing it out long. Only a few more inches to go. Just nice and freshened up for fall.
Julie, I am actually thinking more and more about going out on a casual date. It is no longer giving me the sense or feeling that I was cheating on my H. I deserve to have someone treat me with love and respect. Deep down I know that my H feels like I did not treat him this way, which I don't disagree with. However, I am not perfect and the way he went about dealing with it is unacceptable. ----------------------------- Just a bit of an update. Happy antiversary to me. 13 years today. I have been dreading today for the past few weeks. I was a little emotional last night, but I am doing ok so far today. H stopped by unannounced last night, which totally caught me off guard. I did not look the greatest because I was in the middle of baking pear and fig filled cardamom cupcakes (yum!) for a party tonight, but the house smelled warm and delicious!! My H always loved my cooking and baking. I am actually quite good---professional level. It is one of my talents I guess.
I was a bit irked that he just waltzed in without at least knocking. I could have had someone over or something. Need to figure out how to address this. I was not really engaged with him, but was friendly enough. I probably gave off the feeling that I was indifferent to see him, but I guess because I kind of was. He is not looking great. Tired and worn out is what I see. Where on the other hand I feel I am looking better than ever, even with flour all over me.
So, tonight I have party with old work colleagues, Thursday we have our counseling session, then I am off to Austin for ACL this weekend. So I have lots going on. Next week I am out on business until Wednesday and have happy hour on Friday. Hoping I see the mystery man again. Maybe it is time to start working on my flirting skills again!! Basically, the rest of the month I am booked, do GAL is off the charts right now.
Last edited by BT13; 10/06/1512:28 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
BT, my 13th anniversary was last month. It's tough day but once it's over you'll never had to do it again.
Maybe you should change your locks. I did. Not that my H wants to come over at all, but it's was an emotional boundary for me.
Have a great day.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
I had to laugh at your freudian typo - "antiversy". I think you may have coined a new term.
Seriously, it must be very hard. I have had so many years of difficult anniversaries and other 'special days' with H through the years that my expectations are through the basement. I'm glad to hear that you had a nice haircut and enjoyed yourself baking. It's definitely a great GAL activity showing H that you're not sitting around moping!
Do you really feel ready to date? I understand the temptation, but it seems really early...
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Hi BT! I just got caught up on your sitch again. What an amazing job you are doing! The realization that he's not in a place to hear you is hard, but so very freeing at the same time.
I'll try to stay more current now that I'm finally getting used to being back at work.
E
Ps. I totally agree with Painter about dating. Flirting is a different matter though.
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Thanks for checking in. I am sitting at airport waiting to head home. It has been a crazy but fun week of personal time and work. I am exhausted and feeling like I am coming down with a cold. I was treated like a VIP the past weekend and it was amazing.
I left Friday, so could not post before heading out of town. The session was really a waste of time. H has his mind made up that he wants to proceed with D and continues to play the victim. He said he has just continued to detach. Same old story that my kicking him out hurt him too much and my filing was last straw. He sees no way back and there is nothing about me he sees wanting to go back to. Don't want to be with someone who feels that way about me. I know don't believe anything that they say, but his actions show no change.
I think I have finally dropped the rope and don't really care or think I want him back. I honestly have thought very little about him the past few weeks. I have just been busy trying to move forward with my life.
C has us each write down our contributions to destruction of M. Mine was a list of at least 15 things. H had four listed. When he read them to me it did not feel heart felt and I even felt he tried to negate them. H did list A as one, so probably the closest I will ever get to him acknowledging that was wrong. There was no apology, though later he did sent TM response to mine telling him thanks for going and that it meant a lot to me. His response said he was sorry I was hurting so much and he knows most of it is because of him. He also keeps saying I am martied to our vows, not him. Also, that The blame him for everything, which is actually quite the opposite. It is just the same tape playing over and over.
I just need to continue focusing on me and I still have lots of work to do. I have quite a few GAL activities coming up, so I look forward to those. H and I have agreed to start going through the household items. We are going to do 1-2 rooms at a time so it is not overwhelming. Hope to stick with DB during those interactions.
Last edited by BT13; 10/14/1510:56 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
BT...I wish I had words of wisdom. My H thinks his contribution to the breakdown of our R is that he is a poor communicator. Seriously. I'm waiting for MC to bring up my real opinion of what he's done to help get us off in a ditch.
This DBing is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I wish none of us ever had to do it. I pray often for all the hurting people on this site - I just don't know how else to help.
Just dropped by to say hi, and see how you're doing.
