A new day.

[beckyb]

Thank you. I don't believe my H is a horrible person or a serial cheater. He is depressed, has turned his back on God and lost his way. He is not thinking clearly and has gotten himself in a bad situation. If I weren't so hurt I'd feel sorry for him. I do pray for him.

[Ancaire]

I continue to pray for mine...it's all I can do. I don't know if I'll ever stop hoping he'll someday find his way back to a righteous path. I'm really worried about the damage he's doing to himself and his soul. I do realize though, his choices - his consequences.

[Avanti]

Our WS's are confused and lost too, they also behave very immaturely and based on their instantaneous feelings.

Our choice is to act on our plans and consult them when our feelings are getting the better of us. We have to absorb and watch the often absurd behavior of our S's for what it is and not let it affect us, certainly on the outside. When things are a struggle emotionally that's when we turn to higher forms of energy such a God.

You both seem toe doing this and it's a long game so there will be some pretty nasty downs, having internal fortitude by being in control of yourselves will see you through this.

We cannot affect or S's directly, we simply look after ourselves and know that the future is not certain and not clear to us yet,nor will it be for a while yet, maybe longer. When the time is right (and only we know this for ourselves, no one can direct you) building some sort of connection makes sense and sometimes we might get the timing wrong, but that should not stop us from trying, reflecting and trying again later.

As some seem to do, sitting waiting for our S's to make the perfect reconciliation noises and actions is foolhardy imho. Our acting rashly and off plan or simply on a whim can be a backward step, but it doesn't mean the end, we simply make the journey a little tougher, that's all.

[beckyb]

My H seems to interested in building some kind of connection - reaching out, inviting me to call him. However, I suspect it's because he is unhappy and/or guilty and trying to make himself feel better. I have no interest in being his friend so I am proceeding carefully.

[Ancaire]

Good idea. I know I will forever be suspicious of WH motives, unless and until I see a huge change.

[beckyb]

I'm really nervous. I'm going to my first Meet Up tonight. It's an Ethic Restaurant group and they are having a Halloween party at a Moroccan restaurant. I hate social situations where I don't know anyone. A friend is going with me but I'm really apprehensive about what to say about myself. I guess I'll just say I'm separated from my husband and leave it at that. It looks like most of the group is women so no worries about inappropriate behavior. Most important question - take a Xanax before I go or drink when I get there.

Tomorrow night I have my monthly supper club. Theme is October Fest. I'm make Obatza, a traditional German cheese dip. And I'm bringing a tray of my homemade pickles and relish.

Best of all I have a really cute outfit to wear.

Goals for the weekend: do not contact H, take a walk Saturday and Sunday. Prepare healthy good for next week. Pay bills (yuck).

[Ancaire]

I have a feeling you are going to have a great time tonight! Why are you planning to discuss your marital status at all? When I meet new people, I generally just say, "Hi. I'm Judy. How very nice to meet you." Focus on you, your likes, your hobbies, etc. If someone asks, separated is a good answer. No stressing about it! You didn't do anything wrong.

Supper club sounds divine...I wish I could be there!

By the way, in light of recent events, I cannot recommend a drug/alcohol combo. Better to go the "white knuckle" route.

[gonegrl]

Becky, have the drink because if you take a pill first you won't be able to drink and you might really want a glass of wine if everyone else is having one. I agree with Judy, don't mention your status, just talk about your self. Unless someone asks, no need to explain.

Also, I stopped praying for my H a couple of weeks ago. I did one huge prayer and asked God to just take over my H worries and I let it go. Haven't prayed for him since! Now I just pray for everyone else and it is very freeing emotionally.

[beckyb]

Judy, never fear. Definitely not drugs and alcohol together.

[beckyb]

Photo, I tried not prayer for H for awhile. Now I just pray that he comes to repentance. Not really about the R and is all that really matters. I turned his health and care over to God a while ago and it was freeing.

I guess being married and being a wife was such a part of my identify I feel insecure without it. Not valid I know. I'm working on it.