XH contacts kids:any thoughts

[peacetoday]

Hi
My Xh went into MLC almost 9 years ago
6 years ago he married OW and moved with NO contact-his choice


THis weekend he or his wife tried to contact them over social media
Both my kids are stable in school and on right path
His wife (I've heard) is mentally unstable -possibly drugs
XH may also be on prescriptions or booze--not sure
I feel in my gut it is her contacting them,,or they did it on a weekend binge with little thought
Social media does not seem appropriate for a unavailable parent to reach out for the first time in many years to children they do not know
On the other hand, I am kind of shocked because for many years,,they have stayed hidden with little contact even to his sisters and family

any thought s appreciated

[job]

I would venture to say that it was your former h that reached out to the children. He could have had a moment of clarity. If the wife reached out, it could be that your former h is having some health issues and thought the children should be advised.

My question would be...did the individual state why they were contacting the children?

Whatever the reason, if it's important, the individual will attempt to contact again.

[peacetoday]

Job,

The person said something like

Hi Sweetie

love and miss you lots

not a day goes by that I don't think of you
I would love to talk to you sometime
can't believe you are grown up
you have to add me to friends list
so we can talk
I miss you "her name" and miss your brother "name"

sounds kind of mushy..like a woman wrote it
this is after NO contact for a full 6 years

Thanks any thought appreciated

[job]

I agree...it does sound like a woman wrote it. However, I can share this w/you. My xh, as the years have come and gone, can change his writing skills from writing like a kid to a professor.

A father does start out writing "Hi Sweetie" unless he's posting to a female. Makes me wonder where their heads are at. LOL!

If I were the kids, I would ignore it and see if they get another message later on from the land of Mars.

[peacetoday]

Thank you Job

I spoke with his sister
Last time she saw him , his family wanted no contact with him until he left wife
so they have not seen him in a while
sister said OW controls him and she would not want MY D to get hurt


MY D decided to write him back and told him she would be open to talk or Skype
this way she can see him ,but she would not want to write each other

so I have low expectations that he will Skype her, but I told her I am here for her
if it doesn't work out
I still strongly suspect OW is behind this
just not sure why

[kml]

I still strongly suspect OW is behind this

Does this matter?

I mean - most likely it is just your ex coming to brief moment of sanity and wanting to contact his kids. But let's imagine for a moment that it IS OW trying to facilitate contact between your ex and your kids - wouldn't that be a GOOD thing? It might mean she's not a completely irredeemable human being.

Still - judging from the experience of others here, most likely it's just your H poking his head up out of the tunnel. Maybe things are rocky with him and OW and this is the first glimpse of him waking up. Or maybe he just had a brief moment of sanity and remembered his kids.

I wouldn't stand in the way of them having contact, I would just monitor it for appropriateness. (For instance, if he's gonna Skype, make sure to cut it off if he starts introducing OW or bashing you inappropriately.) Just help them keep their expectations low.

[peacetoday]

Kml

You made me laugh! Maybe ow is not completely irredeemable ;;ha ha

I saw her picture for first time- she created one account for the 2 of them..
She looks creepy-

but still You are right..I hope my D could have a respectable relationship with her dad-
But
for some reason..I will just be surprised if he really comes through for her-
Have to let it go ..Gods got d back
Thanks

[AJM]

It doesn't seem out of the ordinary that he "would" contact his kids at some point. Kind of an odd message, but then what's normal in all of this, right?

I agree with them both - wait for additional contact and monitor if it does occur. Since your D did respond, I guess the latter seems most appropriate.

What kid wouldn't want to hear from their parent?? Me being me, I know that's how it works, but as a parent I'd want to protect them and monitor to be sure they are not going to get hurt. I'd also want to be careful to give some leeway - MLCrs are odd ducks and usually awkward in their dealings. It would be unlikely that it would be a smooth conversation in the beginning.

Good luck!

AJ

[peacetoday]

Someone did accept friend request.

MY D set up a private account just for this
she is quite smart

But again I think the person who responded was OW and unfortunately Im not sure XH is even in this. No one confirmed they would Skype or call

so D and I discussed it, and if XH does not try to contact her within a week or so she will say her goodbyes to OW , Thank Her, and close the account

I saw the account..Not a typical account..DARK

I do not think we are dealing with a "good" hearted woman who wants to see her H reach out to his only D..I think she is off mentally

But My D is old enough to know the full truth about her Dad and all his choices

If she didn't risk fully, she may always regret not trying to reach out to them.
Thank you all for all your responses

[peacetoday]

I feel a little sad as well..for her

I guess there was a part of me hoping one day that XH could step up to the plate as a father..even just the type of father , his child could call at Christmas once a year

But it is no longer my fight..

My children are no where near perfect, seem smart happy and strong making all good choices-so Im truly blessed and grateful for all I have

It will also be important for me to ask my D to handle situation with love and integrity…knowing nothing happens by mistake and she is willing to close this door with XH if it seems unhealthy for her-