Thank you. I need to see this. My behavior has been very immature. And I can tell it pushes her away each time.
I believe what you said is exactly what is happening. She does deserve better and I do not think I am in a place where I can give it to her, this is something she even said.
I will work on myself. No more games.
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
Good deal! Working on yourself and actually improving, is the place to start. Nothing else will work until then. Oh, and the next thing most LBS will say is, "How can I show her my changes?" Don't worry about it. Just make the changes stick, first. And I mean changes in yourself as a man.
You can do this.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I will not worry about her seeing the changes. They are for me not her. If she sees them great. Maybe she'll see who I really am or who I can be. Maybe not.
I am curious, I know every situation has its differences, but do you basically already know the timeline to some degree, of what a lbs will go through when they first post?
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
sandi i am reading the part where you say you knew the right thing to do...
sad thing for me is, i think my wife knows the right thing to do is not be in a relationship with me
im not trying to be defeatist, but this is the vibe i get from her, when she says, it would be easy to come back, but she cant, because she knows she wont be happy, that she cant love me like i love her etc etc..
Last edited by havhope; 10/22/1511:48 PM.
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
I also hope newcomer H's will be able to see that he shares part of the breakdown. Maybe he is responsible for how she felt at times in the M, but it's still up to her as to how she deals with her feelings. It was her choice to cling to the hurt or anger and let it grow into a deep resentment. Maybe he didn't even know how she felt. Maybe she never explained in a way that got his attention. Her emotional needs were not completely met.......his needs were not completely met, and they just tried to make the best of things......or so he thought.
Then one day maybe some guy at work winks at her and it makes her feel good, so she responds in some flirty way. It's just all in fun, right? But over time, one little thing leads to another, b/c her ego is being fed and it feels good. She tells herself it means nothing and she has done nothing wrong. The guy gives her compliments, or seems very interested in what she says or the work she does.......whatever, he pays special attention to her, making her feel sexy, or beautiful, or important. The whole experience is lifting her self-confidence as a woman. She begins looking forward to seeing him on the job b/c she feels excited and alive. Let me stop and ask you, is her H responsible thus far?
As her feelings grow into an emotional affair, is the H responsible? As the contacts and time spent with her coworker expands and the EA eventually turns physical, is the H responsible?
this really struck a cord with me. my wife swears nothing physical ever happened. but it seems she got addicted to everything else if she's telling the truth.
yeah i played my role and i accept that. but this brings insight into things i did not previously think possible.
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
