yes the long game i keep forgetting, as every day seems to last a lifetime.
thank you guys i really am panicking and it helps to hear this stuff even if i think i know what i should be doing, i forget to practice it in the moment.
i am so grateful to have found this place. and really appreciate all the advice. i hope you guys and gals all know how great you truly are.
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
Stop making excuses for your vindictive behavior. Stop attacking your W, and the mother of your child, on a public network! Stop talking and acting as if you are in 7th grade.
It's time to man-up, grow up, and keep your mouth zipped up on FB and to her. No more excuses that you were drunk, or angry, or acted out of hurt feelings. Why would any woman want to be with a man who would act that way? She deserves better, and she may or may not get better.......but she'll be vulnerable to whatever is out there, and your cr@p behavior is like sending her an invitation. Now get your act together, and start DBing. You will get support here. You can get counseling, advice, and even a hug sometimes..........but you don't get babied. This is an adult only site.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Please go easy on yourself. This is hard. Seriously, any normal person is going to have the same emotions and reactions. Your human, and you've been dealt with a serious blow. Just look forward now. No use looking back. Be polite. Do stuff for you and your daughter. Be the best you can be for yourself and really that's all you can do. There are no magic words you can say or logical points you can make that will bring her back. She has to decide this on her own. She has to have time to miss you. She has to see that that you are moving on to great things with or without her. You can do this.
When you feel the need to rant, do it here.
BTW, my husband also said "I didn't abandon you. You pushed me out. ". Bizarre. We have to remember their perspective is completely different.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
yes, she says things like you made me do this, and i had no other choice. she has asked each time i have seen her why i couldn't have cared more for her or why i didn't show her love when she asked for it.
i can see what i did that would make her feel this way. but to me what i did, doesn't really excuse the fact that she wants to give up.
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
re-reading all the posts from people on my sitch, and its like i was already getting the info and advice i needed, and saying i understood. but wasnt quite getting it yet. or my heart was still rejecting it.
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
no she never wanted to. i tried multiple times. we where able to go once but i felt like i had to drag her there. and the whole session she basically just talked about how awful i was to her, while i sat there and felt like i was being attacked (didn't know how to deal with it then.. i think i had just turned 23) , funny thing was, after that 1 session we were better together than we had been in a long time. but she didn't want to go back.
she had bad experiences with counseling when she was younger, where her step mom would use them as opportunity to blame her for all of her (stepmoms) problems between her(step mom) and her dad.
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
Marriage counseling was a joke for us as well. It gave my husband an excuse to say he tried and that's about it.
Yes you contributed to marital breakdown, so did she. Maybe reread the validation section so you know how to respond when she says things like that. I remember there was one time my husband agreed with me Regarding my complaint/concerns regarding him getting home so late. I still remember it because at that moment I didn't feel like he was my enemy. I felt like he wasn't doing it on purpose, that it was just a dissapointment for him as well.
Also zues had a great card analogy that you should read. It is on my current thread. I actually made a copy of it. I am so tempted to give it to hubby, but I know that's a big no no. I think it's something you should check out.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
