Avanti, I spoke with my L. He is going to work with H's L and try to get an agreement in place specific to the preparation and sale of the house.
I also broached the subject with H but will limit most communication to L.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
That makes a lot of sense. Keep things like that in the L domain so it's all under control.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Divorce Busting means keeping our heart in a vulnerable position. Much harder than just slamming the door and moving on. Each one of us has to assess the risk vs. reward for ourselves.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Many here say DBing is to make us better, not to save our marriage. I disagree. Making us better is a great benefit of the process.
But if I completely closed the door on my marriage there a lot of other programs/ways I could improve and move on, and that protect my heart from hopes that may be dashed.
I am doing things a certain way because I believe in marriage, do have a little hope and want to keep the door open - even if it's just a crack. I continually have to re-assess that decision.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Had you considered using it as a close to this thread and so the next one started with what you see as the next step in your DB'ing journey?
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I just feel like I can't deal today. So exhausted and depressed. I want to go back to bed and stay there.
Not an option though. I have to take care of my job.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Many here say DBing is to make us better, not to save our marriage. I disagree. Making us better is a great benefit of the process
Excellent post, beckyb! I thought that the whole intent of DBing is to save the marriage? I agree - making us better as a person is a great benefit.
Quote:
I am doing things a certain way because I believe in marriage, do have a little hope and want to keep the door open - even if it's just a crack. I continually have to re-assess that decision.
I am in the same boat with you, beckyb. I also believe in marriage. My door will always be open unless the unthinkable happens. As long as her door is cracked, I will always have hope. And that is what I have to cling to.
Quote:
I just feel like I can't deal today. So exhausted and depressed. I want to go back to bed and stay there.
I have those days, also. And lately it seems that these past few days have been like that. I have been following your thread closely. Keep your chin up!
Last edited by Evil_E; 10/30/1502:30 PM.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Thanks, E. My H has given me no reason to hope but my DB coach points out some interesting signs/behaviors. While my situation is definitely very difficult he has seen similar situations turn around. I just have to live in the tension of moving forward and maintaining hope. It's really hard.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Becky, as strange as it may sound, I have hope, too. I hope my H comes to a realization of his behavior and is appalled. I hope that he returns to the loving man I knew. I hope that we can R eventually. I believe he is my only husband, and I can't give up on him. I pray for him daily. I know I am headed for a lonely future with this hope and belief, but I feel like I am honoring my faith and belief in God and His plan. People who don't understand will think I'm crazy and pathetic. I love the man, despise his behaviors and choices. I believe in marriage...a piece of paper won't change my status.
All this to say, I completely understand. I have to take a different DB path than you for my safety, but my ultimate goal is to R my M.
