At this point, do what will benefit you the most. If keeping the house is important to you, do what you have to do to make it happen. This is my new motto "I love you but I love myself more".
Last edited by JulieH; 11/29/1508:30 PM.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Not sure why, but have not really been feeling like posting lately. I have been popping in to read other threads, but for the most part staying quiet. Just don't feel I have a ton of advice to offer others right now.
Feyth, Painter, Zues, and Julie thanks for posting. Received a barrage of texts on Monday from H starting with one inquiring if got back as he was worried about the dog if I didn't. Told him yes and thanks for watching the dog. The next TM was about getting back to him when I had a moment about the contractor for bathroom and a slew of others that were not really asking anything, so I decided not to respond to them. Seemed like he was trying to be chatty and nice in them and even said welcome home.
A few days later, after much deliberation, I sent text to indicating I did not want to pay for someone to finish bathroom. I said that I did not want the extra expense right now, which is the truth. Plus, I said he had been so adamant that he wanted to do the work, so I was confused as to what changed. I left it open for him to finish the work. Have not received a response, which is fine. I feel good about my decision. It is what is right for me.
Been busy this week with bootcamp, a night out to celebrate a friend's birthday, hitting the gym, doing a bit of cleaning and decorating for Christmas. I had packed up about 5 boxes of H's books and had put them in spare bedroom thinking he would take them last week, but he just left them here. Going to slowly start packing up some of his other stuff.
Oh, and the best thing I have been doing this week was planning for a trip to Hawaii in March. Mom wants us to go for her birthday, so that gives me something to look forward to in the future. 11 days is the sun!!
Tomorrow, I am heading off for one last work trip. Looking forward to it being done so that next weekend is here and I can go get my Christmas tree, do some Christmas shopping, and baking. Feeling on the up these days, though I do still get teary eyed now and again. Darn family, feel good holiday commercials.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Just thought I would check in. Part of me is so ready for Christmas to be over, but at the same time am looking forward to 11 days off starting next Thursday. Thanksgiving was just much less emotional, but there were less reminders of H. It has been hard not thinking of what H and I would we would normally be doing. The songs, parties, food, shopping, putting up the tree...none of it has the same joy this year. I am not miserable, but just over emotional and finding that I am having too many irrational thoughts that H is going to have a last minute change of heart. I truly do miss many parts of him. Guess that is all normal.
I have been doing good with staying busy and GAL. Last week I had trip to work HQ, happy hour with Bootcamp folks and some Christmas shopping. I even bought some anti-stress coloring books and gave started using them. I have also been consistently getting my exercise, which is helping my moods greatly. This week, I have a board meeting, lunch with a former boss, and a night out planned.
All of my GAL must be paying off because I keep getting wonderful compliments how happy I seem and how great I am looking these days. I do feel I look and act more youthful/energetic since BD. I am also finding I much more engaged and talkative with people. I have a tendency to be closed off and I am learning becoming much more open. Lots of good changes happening and people are starting to take noticing!!
As for H, not a peep for two weeks. His lack of communication certainly has helped with detaching. That being said, I do find myself going down a cheeseless tunnel wondering why so many WAS seem to try and maintain contact while mine has seemingly gone NC. I realize the alternative has its own challenges. I am not sure why it bothers me so much, but I guess I am still taking it too personally as further rejection and abandonment. I keep having to remind myself it is not about me, but some days it is easier to believe than others. Even though there are still some really $h!t days, I am really starting to appreciate how strong I have stayed throughout this whole ordeal. I am a very tenacious and resilient person and those traits have really come in handy over the past 9 months. Progress.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
It's amazing what we can endure, isn't it. I was thinking about it yesterday, how emotionally resilient I am.
I hope your holidays will bring you joy and good times with friends and family. Maybe it's the year to start a new tradition? Do something completely different? Make sure to pamper yourself thoroughly, you have deserved it!
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Hi BT! I took a break too. You have made tremendous progress and it shows not just to us, but to people out in RL. Good for you! Just keep reminding yourself about that. If you notice that it's been awhile since H texted, think "Yea! Now I have more time for me!"
E
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Painter, Feyth, and E, thanks as always for your words of encouragement, I am amazed by the strength of EVERYONE on this board, especially those with children.
Emotions are still running high on this end, but I think that is to be expected with the holidays and the natural reflection period that comes with the ending of one year and beginning of a new one. Brings up lots of self examination of my role in the destruction of my M and reliving of everything that transpired thus last year. A lot of what ifs being asked of myself. what if I approached things better and differently after DB. I know I have apologized many times to my H, but need to start working on forgiving myself as I find I can start to put too much responsibility on me. I have to remind myself it took two of us to get here.
I have been trying to balance it out with more frequent workouts. I have Hawaii to help motivate no to get rid of the last 30 lbs. Our Bootcamp leader us in Mexico, so I have had to self motivate to get to the rec center. I made it there 4 days last week and I am on pace for 5 days this week.
I have plans to go out for drinks tomorrow night with someone from bootcamp who lost her H to unexpected death a few years ago. She still struggles with grieving, so she was happy to go out for a drink. I don't have any plans for Xmas day but to hangout with my dog and cook a nice meal. I plan to go for long walk and maybe to the movies. I think that day will be really hard as I will be acutely reminded that this sitch/D has taken away my local family. It is times like this I wish I lived closer to my family. I did send all my in laws Xmas cards, but don't expect anything in return.
H's lawyer sent email to mine about settlement proposal. I had already told my L what I wanted to do though he acted like I didn't. Starting to get frustrated with him and told him as much. Every time he emails me it costs me ridiculous $$, so I don't appreciate having to email multiple times. The old me would gave quietly lived with it and not communicated my displeasure.will be setting up appraisal of house at beginning of new year to see if I can buy H out. Home prices are ridiculous where I live as there is not a lot of inventory.
Still nothing directly from H. I am sure the holidays are hard for him as well, though he would never admit it. I do hope that 2016 brings him the happiness he is looking for.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
BT - I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. There is no part of this that is easy, though, is there? You do need to start forgiving yourself. I'm always ready to take the blame for all of it, and I've finally realized how very unhappy I'm going to be if I keep that up. You didn't break up your marriage all by yourself. Own what is yours, change what you can, and let go of the rest.
You are always such a support to me. I want you to know how very much I appreciate it. Thank you. I remember that first day I showed up in a panic, and there you were, calm and ready to offer helpful advise. You're a gem!
I hope this coming year brings YOU lots of happiness, as well.
BT - I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. There is no part of this that is easy, though, is there? You do need to start forgiving yourself. I'm always ready to take the blame for all of it, and I've finally realized how very unhappy I'm going to be if I keep that up. You didn't break up your marriage all by yourself. Own what is yours, change what you can, and let go of the rest.
You are always such a support to me. I want you to know how very much I appreciate it. Thank you. I remember that first day I showed up in a panic, and there you were, calm and ready to offer helpful advise. You're a gem!
I hope this coming year brings YOU lots of happiness, as well.
