She may well be heavily involved with OP and lying to my face about it. But I do not think she would do that. If the situation changes into something like this, I will respond with the appropriate actions.
She is using the terms, ''confused'' and ''wants to take it slow'' She said she likes and admires that I am not giving up on her... whatever that means... She says she is interested in ''talking'' to me. And seeing where things go.
I am doing my best to not read into things too much. I am very much into working on myself. I also enjoy talking to other women, and dont feel guilty about doing it now.
I know it has not been very long, but I know our marriage is over. And neither of us is in the right place to continue that.
It may be too soon to be talking to her again, but I guess I will find out Friday night
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
"Won't she think I'm rude"? Really!? The H is worried that his wayward wife will think he's being rude? This is an example of how out of kelter the R has been for a long time. The H has to find the man he was designed to be. Women love manly men. That which sets him apart from her. Women may never tell their H what they really want, instead they tell them a bunch of other stuff he wasn't doing. Deep down, she wants that guy that makes her melt all the way down to her toes. What happen to guy? Where did he go? Can he be revived?
By becoming that man, first, then he may have the opportunity to become a better H. If he tries to reverse it, he may see her run for the hills. Sounds crazy? Yeah, but that's the craziness of the WW
Sandi this is the key right here. IMO
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
well , i wish i was in your spot. At least she tells you she misses you etc. wish you best of luck man. Dont let your emotions drive you like me. read the advise here they only speak the truth. I really dont know where i would be without this sight and of course God.
No need to correct typos I knew what you where saying!
Its human nature to let emotions drive us I think. But you are right, letting them take over especially in situations like ours is very unhealthy.
I am only seeing the positives or at least consistently reminding myself not to be negative and it helps so much because it becomes a habit.
People keep telling my I am crazy. That they would be going insane in my situation. That they wouldn't leave the house. That they wouldn't be able to function. And its just amazing to me that they would let something like that shut them down, and not take the chance to truly learn some amazing things about themselves and life in general.
I have met and had more meaningful conversations with more people in the past month than I did in about 4 years. So if anything, this whole situation has helped break me out of the shell of ''comfort'' I lived in with my wife.
I don't know why I was so miserable with her! I really was unhappy with life, with myself mostly. And she couldn't stand to be around that person. I had given up on life, I was only ever the ''rational'' one. I had a negative outlook on everything! It was awful. No one wanted to be around me. And she stuck around for 8 years! Thats the love she had for me, she watched me self destruct for 8 years, tried so many times to break me out of that for 8 years!
I cant blame her for leaving. I cant be angry. I don't know If I could take watching someone I love get so unhappy and feel like there was nothing I could to snap them out of it. For that long. I am not trying to justify it, but oh I feel like I understand.
She thought I didn't love her! But what was really going on was I didn't love myself, so I couldn't show her the love I had. Because it couldn't break through the self hatred that I harbored.
I am learning to love who I am. To not left fear of being let down or of rejection or failure control my life. Because when you love yourself, you can truly show others And I think that is the greatest lesson this place is trying to teach. I think that's honestly one of the greatest lesson life has to teach.
Oh boy I wrote a lot! Ill stop the rant now I wish you the best of luck angel! Have hope for YOU.
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
wow that was very well written. It's almost as if you were talking about me. I too don't blame her for leaving , i was damaging them subconsciously. You see when i was a child i was neglected and was never shown love and never given the affection i wanted. Now that i am an adult , i have started doing the same thing to my wife and unfortunately i have also affected both of my daughters. This is the main reason she left, because i wasnt spending time with my daughters. After i got help from my counselor my eyes started opening and really seeing who i had become. I had become my mother and i wasnt giving my daughters and wife the affection they needed. I would alwasy get home from work , sit in the couch or be on my phone.Pathetic. Now i am paying the consequences. Now i am about to get divorced. My family is about to be split in 2.
The strength you are showing is the strength I need to find.
She has not BD on me yet, just ILYBNILWY. I've been battling for 3 months; I'm out of my "fog" and I'm making the changes I need to make in my life, but she's holding onto the past like a lifeline.
It sounds like you're in the best place you can be right now: detached and on her mind.
I was there about a month ago, and I pushed too hard and set us back.
keep doing what you're doing, bud. It will all work out the way it's supposed to in the end.
Went and had dinner last night with a girl I met on Halloween. Nothing serious. It was awesome to have a conversation with someone who wasn't my family or already a friend. She is very straight forward and speaks her mind, and its refreshing to be around that kind of person
I really feel detached. The pain rarely comes now. I really have to concentrate on it to feel the hurt. Work is easier to get through. Enjoying time with my daughter much more.
Feeling very positive about where I am taking my life right now.
I have plans with my STBXW tonight, but I don't have any crazy feelings going through my head about it. Going to keep it light and casual and treat her like I would any other girl I would be interested in.
Peace and love guys, spread the good feelings haha
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
Thank you Sandi, your post to me about getting serious, after my reaction to finding out about OP really did help wake me up. I cant show my gratitude enough through these posts! So I will continue to post and hopefully bring some light to others who are in the dark.
It is astounding how much ones outlook on things can change when one truly shifts their efforts away from the spouse onto oneself.
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
I knew what you where saying!