Fogg, you are speaking like my X. This was actually what he told me in many of our R talks leading to the D. Yes, it's that 'tude again and the BRF. Maybe I should look into plastic surgery? Sigh.
You are spot on about the fact that he probably felt like a POS himself at times. The thing is that I realised that both of his outbreaks took place during times when he was undergoing extreme stress that he didn't tell me about. The first time was financial difficulties. We were having a recession and the family business was affected.
And this time round, he seemed to have been quite unhappy with work and something else. The OW whispering into his ear that his (ex) wife was a POS who didn't understand him and who couldn't manage her own life and his?
I will never know. Because all he said was that I didn't make him feel like a man. He made me mind-read him all the time, even now. But I will stop rising to the bait.
And he pours his GD soul to the OW, and goodness knows what else... A little bit of anger is good for keeping the blues away when I am fasting for the day procedure and can't have my ADs. :P
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
tl2, I am sure that I have spoken to him about this before. And being the P-A PITA that he is, I don't think he gave me an outright answer. During the mandatory counselling for parents, this point was EMPHASISED.
And since he was so upset after the counselling sesssion, I would think that he would have remembered. So far, most of the times, he has informed me personally about the schedule for kid.
Will take a deep breath and just wait and see what happens. (a 180 for me). Still thinking about plan b if he really doesn't inform me soon.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
On a side note, my ovaries and I are not on speaking terms.
P!ss Event no 1 Ran some errands and decided to pop into a Gap store. Big mistake. There were so many cute little outfits for cute little people that I will probably not be bringing into the world.
P!ss Event no 2 Went to GF's house and played with her chubby little baby boy. Boy and I fell into mutual adoration. I teased him, he chuckled. He chuckled and I teased him even more. And he was more than willing to coo sweet nothings to me as well. What a welcome change from what I've been having!
Ovaries asked me why I was torturing them like that. I asked ovaries to shut up.
Last edited by Grlonfr; 12/09/1503:23 AM.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
The problem with having to mind-read your p-a spouse is that, in my experience, we never get it right and we spend a lot of time and energy doing something that turns out to be an expense (a permanent loss of time and energy) rather than an investment (a temporary expenditure for the spouse who then returns the favor).
Job 1 for all of us is communication. I had a psych professor once who said that, in her opinion, a relationship is simply an agreement to meet each other's needs. But in order to do that, we have to be open about those needs, and accepting of the person meeting them.
I just spent 20 years with someone who typically held me in contempt for not getting it right while never telling me what she wanted or allowing what I did do to make a difference. I will never go back to something like that. It was awful.
Mind reading is so tiring. Especially when we don't even get paid for it.
I totally agree with the part about meeting needs. How on earth do we meet needs if we have to read minds? Especially when they can't even make up their minds like the X?
Then again, for me, I will have to work on the accepting part. Double oops. I admit I can be rather impatient and critical. I am still a work in progress.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
My dear GF was with me throughout my whole medical procedure and she had left her little boy whom she was breastfeeding at home. And never did she once complain, even when the procedure took longer than expected. We were there the whole day.
She waited for me to go into the operating theatre and walked me all the way in while I was on the gurney.
And I thought of how the X would have have got impatient 1 hour into the situation. And then mercifully the anaesthetic knocked me out before I could brood too much.
Last edited by Grlonfr; 12/09/1507:29 PM.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
tl2, I think for the X, it might be both. It could even be that he doesn't even know himself well.
And about the parentheses, well, in my defence, others do it too... It's just a matter of that extra tab of the space bar. What a difference an extra tab can make.... -_-
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
It could even be that he doesn't even know himself well.
I think there's a lot of truth there...for all of us who have been in long-term problematic relationships. Prob applies to some of us more than others.
