Mel, I just read your thread and posted over there. I hope you get some sleep tonight!
When H is traveling it is a good emotional break for me. He called me today on his way to the airport and we talked for 22 minutes! It was maybe the most "normal" conversation we've had since BD. I am trying not to read into it, but calls from H are very rare, pre-BD he'd call me a few times per day, now I'd say once a week or so usually for 3 or 4 minutes for logistics, this was an actual "calling just to say hi" so that kind of blew me away. Trying not to let it get me too hopeful.
I had a Christmas party with my women's group this morning, then this afternoon took my boys out shopping for bobbleheads (really) and out for pizza. Life is good.
Last night I started an online class to become re-certified in my former career so maybe that will give me an edge on a job. This subject matter is boring beyond belief. Hmmm.....maybe that is why I slept last night- I did about 20 minutes of the course before bed. I am also thinking that if my job search does not go well- I will give it 3-4 months or so, but if I don't find anything that fits my needs (has to be flexible because I am basically a single parent) maybe I should try something completely new and just re-invent myself. I have a couple of ideas on that front, but really no energy or motivation right now.
I am going to stick with plan A for now, it is what I know and I did well with it many years ago, but I am open to possibilities. Hmmmm.....just like with H. If I can't make the "old" work, I am open to a new possibility.
Hi, Pho! I am so glad to hear that you are sleeping again! Now if some of that could spill over here.
I swear it seems as if your H and my W are cut from the same cloth. We had our final MC before she leaves last night and she was rehashing little things. Little things?!?!?! I was like, c'mon. It seems as if mine is just grasping at little things to justify whatever. She still can't see her twisting stuff. Let me use this example from last night - she claimed that she took a risk in her career to leave a base early due to me being unhappy...nevermind the fact that we had a long discussion about how the no-win situation she was put in was negatively affecting fitreps so we agreed that her taking an immediate need position was what was best for the career. When I confronted her in the session with our discussion from back then, the MC noted the look of recognition on her face and called her on it. You should have seen the squirming.
I completely understand the feeling of being depressed for your H. I am the same for my W. My W is really starting to go deeper and deeper and I don't know how she will pull out.
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I think my next step will be determining what is in the best interests of the children. Their father is "broken". He is their father no matter what, even if I file for D and get remarried ASAP to the most wonderful man in the world, H is still their father, and will always be. So how do I make sure that they are stronger than he is, that they do not pick up his depressive and angry thought patterns? That they do not go through life feeling as though they are a victim and need to blame someone- their parents, their spouse, their child, for all of their problems? On one hand I want to model great patience, love and commitment. But on the other hand, what is really the best environment for them to grow up in? I am really thinking this upcoming "break" will give me clarity.
This is a very difficult thing to think about, let alone do. I think that the thing we both must realize is that, yes, our spouses are broken. No matter what we do, we can't fix them - that is a road they must travel on their own. As their parent, they will (unless they choose not to) always - and should be - be part of the children's lives. The key is how we model our behavior. We can only do what we can and that is be the best parent we can and be a strong and loving and supportive person for them. That's all we can do. Even if one does remarry the best person in the world, they will still be part of the H/W's world, as it should be. And, unfortunately, they may pick up on their behaviors. Our hope is that they don't. That isn't in our hands. We do the best we can and give the children the love and support they so desperately need. They will see and follow.
I agree, the break will do you wonders. At least yours is coming back. Mine isn't permanently for two years, and then she may very well file before then. Ugh.
Take feeling better any way you can get it! Keep your chin up!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Please take some of the time your H is traveling for yourself. Nothing big. I'm not sure if you're into nature or alonce time, but maybe just doing nothing. If it's warm by you maybe go for a walk by yourself and listen to the birds?
When I hurt the most sometimes sitting by myself and disconnecting from the world helps me mentally reset and prepare for whatever battles lie ahead. The hard part is to make this kind of meditation work you need to not think about any of your problems for a few minutes. It's easier said than done...
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
SciDad, thank you! My hobby is photography and my children won't pose for me anymore, so I sometimes go on long hikes and photograph birds and nature. I haven't done it since the summer, but its good for me, very peaceful and then there is the thrill of getting a great photo. There is a place near me where the tundra swans from Canada come to overwinter, and now I am thinking I should go see if they have arrived yet for the season.
Thanks, Mutatio. I told you about my "happy place", the hike near you? I have spent many hours standing in the middle of the river there waiting for a blue heron to fly overhead for the perfect photo. I never got it right though, usually my children distract me and scare away the birds! One of these days I will get the perfect shot.
I should really work on my photography, since BD I have done very little. My skills are getting rusty.
I have given up photography with all this craziness and I miss it. my boys are probably happy that they no longer have to pose for me. Time to think about us girl and get back to what makes us smile.
It would be awesome if you could post some of your pictures on here!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
<<<Drops the Microphone and walks away>>>