Hello, Pho! Back on deck and catching up. Has H left yet? I think it's going to be a catalyst to change. We'll just have to see which kind.
LadyBir, I'm so sorry about your experiences with a mentally ill spouse. I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder. I know it can be hell for my family members. I've worked really hard on learning to manage it because of them, and I've made huge strides. I actually have several conditions that make the depression worse. Anything that creates pain makes me crankier than normal...maybe because I've got so much of it.
I think a positive difference for families living with mentally-ill family members is managed two-fold. One: learning all you can about the disorder. Two: The person with the disorder works consistently to manage their own illness. Learning creates understanding and patience, while managing the illness creates good habits and discipline.
I never thought I would find myself being a proponent of "troubled" people. Recent events have really deepened my compassion and understanding. We broken people still make great spouses! But....we have to be active in the managing of it. I find it ironic I'm here now after H dumped me for OW. There were times he could have left me because I was so difficult...but that time is not now. I guess he held a grudge?
Mutatio, I did get a hug good bye but it was 4 am. But most days when he comes in or leaves, the kids get a nice hug and an I love you, I might get a very brief hug and a mumbled greeting, but the dog gets kissed on the mouth, big cuddles, picked up and carried around like a baby, and then I am left feeling jealous of the dog. Also if we are sitting watching tv he will not touch me, occasionally will put his arm around me but up on the back of the sofa, not really touching me. But the dog will be on his lap or on his feet, getting pet the entire time. Very frustrating.
I am not filling the emotional void very well. I have a lot of friends- all female friends- and they are awesome to me and help me so much. But I am dying for male companionship. And then that makes me feel so pathetic. Because its not like I could act on it even if I had the opportunity. I have been drinking too much wine, I notice that when H is not home I barely drink at all. I am on this forum all of the time.
Ancaire, he is leaving in January. I am relieved and anxious at the same time. Having some physical symptoms from the last 10 months of stress and I am exhausted all the time. I need to get back to the basics with self care, since Halloween my nutrition has gone down the drain and since Thanksgiving I haven't been exercising. Need to get back into better habits.
Just a head's up for my friends. I am going to change my name when this thread is up and let my threads just get buried. I feel like I have been too identifiable. I did this once before and then went on to post even more identifiable info, but this time I am going to do better. I will log on with a new account, similar name so you will know me, but my old postings will be buried and I will be more discrete with info in my new account. Anyone new won't connect me with the old postings, and if H has already "found " me here its too late anyway.
I can't seem to give up this forum because you are my best friends right now, but I need to protect myself! My lack of discretion has been bothering me for awhile now. Its a catch 22- this is the only place I feel like I can really get the support I need, yet there is always the chance that I can be discovered. If I am discovered with my new account so be it, I am in a better place now and won't be saying much that would upset things at this point anyway.
Here is a weird question. My MC popped up on FaceBook under "people you may know." As far as I can tell we have no friends in common. How did he get there? Is it possible he searched me? How does FB come up with these suggestions? Do they pull from my email?
It freaks you out when a guy asks for your number and you give it and his pic suddenly appears on your FB page, saying "people you may know". But yes personal and professional lives crossing is odd particularly in your circumstance with MC, very odd.
What's even worse is when you google your H's ow out of curiosity and now her picture and name keep popping up in random places. Also the restaurant that was "their" spot- googled that one 9 months ago when I found the receipts, and I think it might have finally stopped popping up in ads in the last month or so. Makes me want to puke.
