Thank you very much everyone for your kind words of comfort. I'm feeling slightly better now at the end of the day. First time I opened up to my mum ( we always had an awkward relationship) and cried a lot. I was surprised that she listened to me and didn't put me down. It was good to cry.
I feel I'm hurt because I still love H and still want him back. Unfortunately I have to realise (like my mum said) that he isn't prepared to take any responsibilities and act like a real man. She thinks he is just a selfish kid (he is 37!), and I'm having a lot of responsibilities on my shoulders, that he is just expecting people to deal with his mess!
She told me that it will take time to recover from this as I can't draw a line on 11 years. She thinks that his relationship with OW won't last. Only time will tell!
I have got to say that I'm proud of myself as I didn't make a fuss or shout at the two of them. I think this shows what a great person I'm growing into and despite the hurt and the pain, I didn't show any anger! I'm pating myself on the back :-)!
I really don't know how to behave with him tomorrow. He has a set of keys, so he can let himself in whenever he WANs and I stay clear of him. Or shall I do it like I have been doing recently: opening the door for him, says hi and carry on what I was doing?
Rouky - yesterday was awkward, true, but you guys have been getting along fairly well lately. Don't change a thing. Just carry on like you have been. You only have to make it through the next uncomfortable meeting, then you should be fine again.
Just reporting back interaction with H today after Saturday night encounter! Was glad to be on the phone when he came so the kids had to open the door for him. The rest of the evening was fine. I didn't speak to him much as I carried on doing what I have been doing for the last few months.
I noticed though that he didn't seem that happy, but then again he was out on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights, so I guess he was tired!
I think my hope of saving my marriage is fading by the day.
My youngest daughter for the last couple of weeks keeps telling me that her dad loves me and that next Christmas or the in the next 3/4 years he'll be back. I keep telling her that he doesn't love me. If he was he'd be back home now and that he lives with someone. I also asked her to ask her dad. I really don't know what to do! I don't want to tell them the real reason because it's Christmas and I don't want to ruin their Christmas.
I don't like the fact that once more I'm the one supposed to clean his mess! Why can't he be honest and tell them that he is gone because of the OW! I don't know what to do, any advice
Rouky, I am just catching up on your situation now. I have a hard time keeping up with all the different posters, so I am sorry I haven't caught up with you until now. I understand how you feel about cleaning up his mess. But your children are too young to hear about OW. I wouldn't say much except to repeat "I love you, and your Dad loves you, but we are living separately now." I am going to catch up more on your story before I comment any more.
FO.2 thank you very much for your reply. I think they both aren't ready to understand/ hear about the OW. I feel that there are no consequences for what he has done, and I have to be true to myself and if I want to tell my kids about their dad it's because I want they to see who he really is: a liar, a cheater and a coward. I know that I'll be only hurting them and I would never do that to them.
My family thinks I should tell my kids the while truth but even if it'll bring me relief, they didn't ask for what is happening to them and they should be protected as much as possible. Although I feel that when he'll introduce OW to them, I'll only then tell them the truth. I have been lied by parents on several occasion and I gave always wow to myself that I'll never do that to my kids.
There will be no right decision as the kids won't like the truth, but when they'll be older they can hate me because I didn't tell them the truth . I don't bad mouth to them about their dad. I guess in the long run H will realise that I wasn't such a bad catch, but by then I'll be far gone. Shame as I feel our M could have been saved.
Just reporting. H texted to know what my youngest wanted for Xmas, I told him that I didn't know what she told him as I had never heard of the game. So he texted back asking me to ask her. I replied saying that he could call and I'll put her on the phone. She answered his questions and she asked him 5 times when he was coming back home. He told her the first time that she asked that he'll see them tomorrow, but when she asked her the other times he went silent, then at her last question he changed subject!
He won't man up and tell them that he is never coming back and expects me to do it for him. I'm afraid I'm not. They both have been asking me this questions for a month, and I told then that they need to ask him the question as I don't have the answer.
For me his silence says it all! There is no way back for him. He is enjoying his single life (going out when he wants and he has found someone who lolls after him better than I did). I don't know OW arrangements with kids but I do know that her mother does a lot of babysitting for her. Whereas me I have no family around to help and when I go out it costs me money. So now there is no way I could have competed with her!
In a way I'm sad that he won't come back, but on the other hand I have to stop hoping that he'll come back! I guess it's the end of the road for me. It hurts like hell but if I work on myself and stop my mind going crazy, I'll be fine!
Shame that he can't see past his needs and pour his family first, but his dad has never done it, so why should my H do the same!
I am sorry Rouky. I will never understand how someone can leave their kids like this. At least he is getting her a present, that is something. They say kids are resilient, I try not to listen because I so much don't want to be divorced, but the truth is that the kids can be ok if they have at least one parent who is giving them the stability and nurturing that they need. I am sorry for your situation, I truly wish for you some peace this Christmas.
I know very well why I'm feeling hurt. I go out a lot and I have actually never saw them together until last Saturday, and this is when reality hit hard. I can't explain but it felt for me that this situation was surreal, and that I'd wake up from this nightmare and that he'd come back. But seeing them together is really real and it's over. Also I couldn't got back to my family this Xmas and I'll be spending it alone with my kids, while I guess when I told him he couldn't see them on Xmas eve and Xmas day, and as he is leaving with her, he'll be spending those two days with someone he loves.
Life really su*+a at the moment for me! I'm not perfect, nor him but I thought that once the house was done we could spend more time together and I was waiting for that moment. Now I'm wondering if him pushing for the work to be done wasn't only to get rid of me and start his new life.
Do WH really come back to his wife? Why is he not filing if lives with her? He has clearly made his choice! Can anyone put my mind at rest!
Rouky I know it is not the same but I bet there are a heap of people on here that loves you sometimes virtual friends can be quite good fun
Who knows what happens when they walk I guess it depends on what and why sometimes just a little bit of work is all it would take other times I am sure nothing will fix things
Rouky you are so lucky to have your kids love them x
Last edited by ATPeace; 12/22/1508:44 PM.
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
I know I'm lucky to have my kids and I love my cuddles with them but it's not the same to share a cuddle with your other half. I know that I can only make myself happy but at times I'm finding it hard to keep going when I see him every other day. I can't get pass the fact he had an affair for 2 years, that I had to kick him out of our house, that he told me that after two failed relationships ( his ex and me) he had enough of women and wants to enjoy his life as a single person. Now he lives with her! How he could do such a thing!
