Also, I just had a review with one of my employees and I wanted to share some of her feedback on me as her supervisor. It specifically relates to one of my areas I needed to work on in myself post BD, so I was quite proud to hear her words. She basically said that one of the things she really values and likes about me is my ability to be very direct with her. She said she never has to guess what I am thinking, and because of that, it makes her feel trusted. She also said that I balance any critic out with positive reinforcement.
I have not always been good about having hard conversations with people, especially in my M. I have certainly be a conflict avoider/people pleaser. I am finding it easier and easier to tell people what I am thinking, even if it is hard.
Yes, H, people can change.....
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
How cool that your employee gave you such good feedback!
I would move ahead with plans as you see fit. Find a house sitter and tell H not to worry about it, and get an appraiser and don't worry about his opinion unless he voices it. He's obviously not cooperating...
About his remark about your commitment - I think he's just trying to twist things to invalidate your faithfulness so he can better justify what he has done.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
BT - If you hadn't been for your kind, yet direct, manner I might still be flopping around! I remember you, specifically, when I showed up here without a clue about what to do. I remember you telling me he was having a tantrum.
Until that moment, that thought never even crossed my mind. I didn't recognize it for what it was. You taking the time to read my situation, respond with helpful insight, well - it meant and still continues to mean so much to me.
You have a way of communicating I admire. You always say what you think, but you never say it in a way that causes harm. At one point you were telling me to calm down...boy! did I need that.
I admire you, appreciate you, and think your H is an idiot. No marriage is perfect, but I can recognize a really fine person when I see one - and you fit the bill perfectly!
You're going to be just fine. As long as you keep popping in, I'll still be reading.
BT, I constantly have to remind myself of that saying on here of believe nothing they say and only half of what they do. Your husband is lost. So everything he says is going to be twisted or confused or not the man you knew. And you can't even trust what he does until HE decides to drive on the two way street with you. Until then, follow Painter's advice and just go ahead with what needs to be done. Last night, I was looking around our (my) house, and found my mind drifting to what I could do now that he wasn't here. Like finish the house!!!
You've got this! And keep being honest and to the point with me too. I need it.
big hugs!
E
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Ancaire...thanks. I was worried I was a little harsh with you that first day on hear. Some times I worry I don't add enough warm and fuzzy.
Zeus, I know my H can change as well. It us just a matter of when. H is a very proud man who is set in his ways. He has let a number of other important relationships go because he thought he was right and did not take the time to see the others point if view or how he might have contributed to things. I guess when he hits rock bottom??
Painter, I sent a simple response to H that said thanks and I am looking into a different option for dog. I contacted the appraiser and he can appraise the house as soon as next week. Will send H an email today to let him know I am setting up appointment for Friday. Will also set up time for H to come over so we can start divying stuff up/ go through house.
Elly, your right. It is so easy to take what they say at face value. I know my H us still hurting and in his fog. Keep pushing me as well.
Had a great day yesterday. I ran a 5K and did it in less that 10 min miles. Had planned to just run errands and clean, but received impromptu invite to go out for beer in the early afternoon, so I went. Had nice quiet night at home after that, took a long hot bath (feeling pretty stiff after run in 20 degree weather), and chase a healthy dinner.
Starting to feel more and more confident. I can really see the weight loss in photos now. Each week I am trying on clothes I have not been able to wear for over 10 years and they are getting closer and closer to fitting. It is helping me say on track with my weight loss. My hair is getting long and I made it a bit blonder. Feeling like I am getting my groove back!!
Today, I need to get to gym for weigh in. They have this weigh in incentive where they pay you quarterly for losing weight and maintaining it. I should $30 for thus quarter. Need to do some cleaning today and then tonight I am watching the Golden Globes. I love award season. A guilty pleasure I guess.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
I love reading about how well you are doing With GAL and with all the other areas in your life. have no advice, but wanted to let you know I am rooting you on.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Ancaire, it is usually more of a jog, but I did run the race on Saturday. I was feeling it the next day!
So, sent another pleasant but business like TM to H indicating I set up appraisal on house for this Friday. He had spoken with his L, but never got back to me but said he was fine to proceed. Not sure why he did not get back to me. Just seems odd. Maybe he just forgot. Anyway, appraisal is all set.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
