1. Am going away with friends for extended weekend. Trip will require a flight. (Feel really guilty. I have never left kids before but that's a whole other story). I have to let husband know I won't be in state, but if he asks where I am going what do i tell him?
Back in October he went away for over a week and would not tell me where or with who (I no longer think it was another woman, i think it was more of a power struggle issue and him wanting to be in control to do and come as he pleases issue for him. He later told me he was helping friend move and on road trip. But no details...trust me I know what this sounds like). Him going away was really painful for me because I love to travel and he would always tell me he could not afford it. The few trips we did take, I always paid majority so that he would go. He acknowledge that he didn't want to tell me about trip because I always wanted to travel and he knew it would upset me.
I will be honest, just thinking of this makes me really angry at him.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
I would say just tell him that you're going on a road trip. If he asks further, just say friends?
Tell the truth but keep it short. If he wants additional details, let him do the work.
I can understand how hurt and betrayed you would be when he travelled without you. But your H did explain why he kept it from you. Doesn't make him right but at least he tried.
My 2 cents worth.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Julie, why do you not want to tell him where you are going? Is it because he didn't tell you details of his trip? I think if he asks, you should just tell him, you are playing tit for tat, and I thought you were trying to work on the friendship? What are you trying to accomplish? (I mean this in a genuine way, not being sarcastic.) I think this is an opportunity to be friendly and forthcoming with information which is the way you want H to behave with you.
I hope you have a great trip, btw, it will be good for you to get away. Your parents will be taking care of the boys? Julie, have you ever caught up with Mona's thread, page 8?
I read this earlier but couldn't reply. Fo beat me to the punch. Lead by example, don't try to punish him to try to make him understand the pain you went through.
Yes, it is very difficult to see him travel suddenly. Shoot, my WW had more sex with her OM#1-4 in the 6 months following BD than we did in our entire marriage. And I'm sure she threw her resentment for me into her desire for them. Meanwhile she's getting child support while I sponsor it all.
The world is a horrible, horrible place to be. It's not H's fault. He's just the guy you happen to be with while you learn how disappointing marriage is compared to the dream we used to have.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I took advise of dB coach and called husband yesterday just to "say hi". We made small talk. He did not try to end conversation or rush off because of work and I kept thins neutral. I reminded him I was going away. He intentionally (I think) did not ask about trip. It would be hypocritical for him to ask since he was upset with me for asking him about his. I doubt he is even upset by it. Truth is I would like to talk to him about it cause there is all this funny drama going on with it, but not sure if it would get him angry...trip does cost money and he is paying support (I would never use his money for this trip) DB coach wants me to now initiate a family outing but not bring up reconciliation. I think she is right. We have too much to tackle and any conversation will cause argument. The lack of contact is making us strangers. I feel distant and can't remember any good either and that's problematic
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
So trying to work on friendship so texted husband about my crazy day today...car wouldn't start walked kids too school. One of then had meltdown cause he didn't want to walk. After DB I wouldn't of let him know, but am trying to have more contact.
He basically was upset that my parents lent their car with our other car seats (husband paid for) to someone for today. Really it was just a bad coincidence, but I was annoyed at that because my parents do so much. They have the car seats because they pick kids up 3 days a week.(he does not pick them up any days) Today was not a day they were supposed to pick them up. So for him to complain that they lent their car out so my nephew could use car seat on this one occasion seemed unfair to me. So I made a comment about the fact that their perspective is different. They are thinking how tough it is that their daughter is a single mom and no husband around to help when there is a problem...or something like that.
Anyway no real fighting after that. But our perspectives on things are so different. I just don't get him and can't keep my mouth shut when I think something is being said that is unfair. I am frustrated and realize that he is too.
I feel like I am constantly asking am I right or wrong? So am I wrong?
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
I also feel like he complains about things that are unfair. My parents do me a huge favor. They don't have to keep car around just in case mine breaks down. That makes no sense. What does he want???? I don't understand the logic and these types of scenarios are the things we have always fought about.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Trips are great. His mind is going to go crazy wondering who you'll be going with or meeting, and what you'll be doing. Don't tell him. Let him stew on it.
Hi JulieH, I'm afraid I haven't much to say but I thought I drop by to let you know that I'm thinking of you. I hope you are having a GAL. Have a lovely weekend.
