Julie, I am happy for you. I would DIE to get an ILY. You are doing really well and I see so much hope in your situation. Great job with the conversation- sounds like a good balance of DB vs. genuine Julie, being true to yourself. That is a hard balance to find, but I think you've got it.
I hope you are having a good weekend. I am really glad I read your thread!
Fo, technically it wasn't a real ILY. More of a I drew it out, where he admitted that he still did, But it was there and we laughed about it and we laughed about his inability to openly communicate it. Kind of like " ditto"
The tone during this was totally different though. The resentment and anger was absent and back was our ability to laugh at ourselves...something missing for a long time.
I think we both need to just keep the anger and resentment and following criticism at bay now. Something I fear counseling will bring forth (like it did the first time we went)
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
What's also interesting is that he is the one that was doing a lot of the validating during our conversation. That completely out my guard down. He was better at the communication then I was. But I did listen well.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Julie, that is really a big breakthrough. Wow, this is huge. I got an "almost ILY" when H said a month or so ago "I wouldn't be here if there wasn't some love left."
But the change in HIS communication- that means a lot. That means he is doing his own work! We all know that you are working hard Julie, but if you both are working on your own ends, that is the best scenario.
I hear you about MC, that I don't think helped us. This forum has helped me the most, and I think family therapy was second. MC and IC was questionable.
You never know, he could be one of the newbies posting here on this forum and getting some good advice. I wonder how many times that has happened?
Omg can you imagine? I do have to change name. I had given him first book divorce busters a while ago. I have DR. I think perhaps he was too mad to communicate fairly with me for a while.
Right now I am stuck in doors missing kids. But you know what? I woke up at 8 30 today! I am curled under blankets reading forums. Will exercise. Will do some cleaning. Maybe watch movie, make phone calls. Maybe try to get back into reading. Do some shoveling when we can. I am also laughing because MIL and him have to keep the kids occupied while they are stuck in doors. No easy feat. They are not kids to just watch a movie and play by themselves. Snow Probably won't be cleared tomorrow Either,
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Julie, I bet you live near me, I am stuck indoors today too. We are at about 2 feet + of snow and it is still coming down hard. I have a hunch that one day when my H decides to work on the M he will find himself here. Which is not yet, but I am trying to be less identifiable anyway. That's why I had a couple of name changes. I was posting way too many details in the beginning, but I needed the support, so it was worth it.
Your H reminds me in some ways of mine. But then again, don't they all?
Glad you are getting a quiet day to do your own things. My kids are in and out, it takes longer to put on snow gear than it takes to play outside. Then they come in, track ice everywhere, and then they want to go outside before their jackets, gloves etc, are even dry yet. I am thinking we might be stuck for a few days, I haven't seen a plow yet.
Fo, I suspect so too . I lied about some things but I am pretty identifiable if ever read. If h did actually come to this board there would be a lot of names to read through. What would be the chances of picking me? Something my husband would not have patience to do, unless he knew I was posting on here. We don't live together, so he has no access to my computer. He is also a pretty firm believer in not invading someone's privacy so I'm not sure he would actually read it if he knew for sure it was me. ( I don't think I could resist though)
I am going away next week and am really hoping I can get to kids tomorrow. I doubt it. Just saw some plows going through though.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Julie, I wish we could chat. If you lived near me we could have some fun GAL outings. I am going to some concerts and need a concert buddy. I'll drop you a hint one day when I can think of one that isn't too obvious.
. I lied about some things but I am pretty identifiable if ever read. If h did actually come to this board there would be a lot of names to read through. What would be the chances of picking me? Something my husband would not have patience to do, unless he knew I was posting on here. We don't live together, so he has no access to my computer. He is also a pretty firm believer in not invading someone's privacy so I'm not sure he would actually read it if he knew for sure it was me. ( I don't think I could resist though)