I also agree with not leaving the house. My XW dropped a few bombs over the years and every time she did I told her that I wasn't leaving my bedroom or my home because I want the marriage and I haven't done anything wrong (she was actually unfaithful several times while I never was).
So been focusing on GAL'ing as she is an active person and has stuff going on always and I am more of a home body although comparing things to her is not fair as I am more active than most my friends
She loves tennis and plays a ton. I have said in the past I wanted to play but she always ignored it a bit and sometimes gave me a hard time that i should play. I was like "I will....lets do this in the winter". Then it would go ignored and I would never do anything about it
So I decided to start tennis in a meet up group and start soon. She is like "why would you start this now when you would never play or have interest in the past?"
I was like...uh....you never wanted me to play and just weren't listening
REvisionist history continues.....
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
The nurtured heart approach is different way as to how you talk to children. You dont get angry and you make your statement with no emotion. You dont energize the negatives by pointing them out..
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Rich, you need to stop playing this role of a victim. Refuse it! No matter who lives where.......you will come through this and will build a new life. Get rid of the attitude that she's going to be living it up in a good neighborhood, enjoying all the luxuries, while you are a homeless bum on the streets. Get your focus off that kind of vision b/c it will turn you into a very bitter old man who nobody wants to be around. Find a healthy way to vent that anger.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Amen to that.....just having a really tough weekend with the snow, neighborhood, fun....
And worried my daughter will see visiting me if not around this neighborhood as not fun etc.... Natural things to think about....
I can't worry about that stuff right now I guess and need to focus on me. Thanks all for the cold water in the face...need to be woken up now and then
Besides the love for my WAW, my daughter is the #1 focus of my heart and love my 2 dogs
I will figure this out....I just need to work with my L to know where i stand and take it from there. She didn't rush to the alter to marry (did this late in life) but is rushing to the D so I need to be prepared more.
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
I hear ya and trying to shut that down. After actually you doing that...I realized how ANGRY and RESENTFUL I am of her lately
is that natural? I guess. My brother who has been a sounding board for me said she is acting out now as she is angry with me about what she considers to be the past injustices in our relationship. Me checking out, me doing this and that...
But I am just as angry right now with her as she is leaving not me regardless of the past.
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
I know a lot of ppl will tell you to not look into an A because it doesn't, or shouldn't really change the approach. But if you are seriously worried about having your clock cleaned in court, having that knowledge could be extremely beneficial for you as a negotiating tool.
As I stated earlier, in PA you can file a D under no-fault or a fault-based meaning that if she wants to file against you, and she files a no-fault, it becomes a fairly mutual D.
did you know that if one person wants a D and files under "irreconcilable differences" and the other doesn't want a D, that is actually considered an "irreconcilable difference?"
If She wants to file that way (which is the ONLY way she can file if you haven't given her any reason to file a "fault" claim), there will be little you can do about things regarding the D. You hope that your L does his best to protect you, your interests and your assets.
What if your W actually was having an A, though? legally, you have some options now. Your L could counter file with a fault-based claim which would protect your assets to a much greater degree. Your L could also threaten to counter file as leverage to get more of what you want. No one wants their dirty laundry aired out in that way, especially if you live in a nice neighborhood with good friends that W would like to keep.
DBing wise, knowing or not knowing shouldn't change the way you approach your sitch: You should be GALing and setting boundaries.
legally, KNOWING an A exists could benefit you greatly, but ask your L, they'll know better than I do.
