Before the holidays I was getting to a much better place overall and then the bomb of D was dropped.
Today has put me back there in terms of being in a fog, feeling like I am going to vomit and just lost.
I will take my L advice and continue to DB although it really is just for me now even more than before. Stay calm and think of my D. I can't wait to hug her when I get home tonight and put her to bed.
She is with me this weekend as my STBX (i think I did that abbreviation right? I need some humor today) will be going to Boston to see her divorce friends and will plan to have a great wekeend with my D and dogs.
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
She just let me know the divorce complain will be coming this week so I need to decide if I stay and they go our not. I am so upset and can't focus on anything
I know its over but wanted to do this the right way for my D but she is way off now.
What did your L say about staying in the house?
What did your L say about custody?
Did you have your L run the numbers?
The reality is your old M/R is dead. It wasn't working. You can't argue that, otherwise you wouldn't be here. I find that many people are motivated to change if/when they have lost or are about to lose something dear. Myself included. Dust yourself off and get back on the path of healing. Life isn't going to wait for you my friend.
Whether you have a new M/R with your W or with new person, you have to improve your relationship skills. The more tools you have at your disposal, the better off you will be in the future. The feeling you have right now, should motivate you to never return to this living he11.
See, most of us come here in hopes of saving our M/R. What we find is that we must first save ourselves. Similar to the instructions we receive at the beginning of a flight. You must first put your oxygen on, before putting it on your children.
I realize today is difficult and these feelings that you are experiencing suk. Sadly, it is part of the journey. We are here to support you and you will overcome this. You gotta believe. I've seen it happen.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
L said don't leave L said if she takes her and tries to move out, we will file an emergency custody action.
L is running the numbers and she said I am in a tough spot so prepare for the worst (W hasn't worked for 10 years)
I just need things to cool down and was told don't discuss this with her...just listen. And L said don't discuss back with her, digest it, and consult with the L
Once I receive the divorce complaint, things will start to happen between L's.
And so the saga continues.
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Great advice from your L. You have the template. You are going to do great.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
My life a few months ago was turned upside down & it feels even worse right now. I have come to terms obviously that this is coming to an end. Forever? Don't really care right now as I can't think about anything but this is toast and deal with it in that mindset.
I am not going to show my inner sadness, anger or resentment anymore. Accept reality, be OK with it outward ,and figure out how I move forward with my life.
IT is ALOT to process (living, $$$, daughter, dogs, work, life) especially with a STBX that is on high alert , filing and wants to push me out the door asap
I know this will hit me hard soon and just have to prepare for the huge wave of sadness.
I just don't want to rush this with my daughter and have read how to tell your child about divorce & have asked my STBX that we need to go talk with a counselor first on this and not tell her too soon or too late
This is so hard. I closing my eyes hoping its a bad dream ....
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
So STBX was bossy, mean and downright a bully after I got home from work. My D was upstairs getting ready for bed as she went on about how I need to get out of the house as she can't take this anymore.
I listened, explained I was not leaving and that we should keep our space from each other and let the lawyers initially figure out what we can do (we just both got L's). Not an easy house situation but I have read others here that have done this dance
She said over and over I wish you had listened months ago and moved out as asked and maybe we wouldn't be in this spot. I can't go back in the time machine anyway but perhaps if I did and discovered DB'ing things could be different. But that really is the past....not sure she wouldn't have filed anyway
This board is very much my crutch right now besides 2 other closies to me that I have trusted with what is going on (1 being my bro).
Not sulking, not wheeping, not really caring....just going about my business, loving my dogs, myself and D. Thanks for all the advice over the last day or so...it is so valuable and keeping me going.
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Amen to that.....just having a really tough weekend with the snow, neighborhood, fun....
I can only imagine.
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And worried my daughter will see visiting me if not around this neighborhood as not fun etc.... Natural things to think about....
I think parents these days are too concerned about entertaining their kids. She will just want to be with you. What could be better than daddy's attention?
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She didn't rush to the alter to marry (did this late in life) but is rushing to the D so I need to be prepared more.
Unfortunately, it's a common description of what we see around here.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
thx....i realize it would be great to control what my D thinks and how she reacts to this all but I just can't.
It is too exhausting. I am physically exhausted (lost about 10 lbs ) and mentally....almost hit a van the other day being in a fog. Shoveling out of 30in snow didn't help either with my STBX in the house ready to jump at any inequity she saw for the day
She calmed down a bit today and started sending me emails of our on/off weekend plans sharing time with our D and getting away over the next few months which means maybe she understands she can't throw me out for now or run with my D
Papers are coming she told me so I guess this is for real. Those who have gone thru this can probably feel my angst coming thru the computer.
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
thx....i realize it would be great to control what my D thinks and how she reacts to this all but I just can't.
It is too exhausting. I am physically exhausted (lost about 10 lbs ) and mentally....almost hit a van the other day being in a fog. Shoveling out of 30in snow didn't help either with my STBX in the house ready to jump at any inequity she saw for the day
I wonder if it's just me or if you misinterpret my posts?
I was trying to encourage you not to worry about your child not wanting to go wherever you live.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
