I am glad your son is okay:) Please remember to take care of yourself as 5 kids require a ton of attention and you are expecting another.
You have received such stellar advice. I agree with what others have posted in that your h of course has valid complaints. No one is perfect. Relationships sometimes get pushed to the wayside when kids come along. Is that a good thing? No, of course not. However, what is done is done. All you can do is work on the now.
I'll be blunt. Who cares where your h will be on Valentine's Day? It's a hallmark created holiday. I apologize as I am not a romantic. Focus on you. I know you want to save your M, however, right now your h isn't interested. So what does life look like for you? What do you want? And I don't mean that you want to save your M. What is important to you? Because ultimately, you are responsible for you and your h is responsible for him. That is just life.
No one here knows if you will save your M. However, I DO know time will tick on regardless of where your h is and life is short. Your children are only this age one time. What's that saying about time being precious? And it is.
We are all flawed. DBing won't make you perfect. I'm living proof of that:) However, I have figured out what is truly important to me. And I also know that regardless of what the future holds, I will deal with it.
Focus on you and your children. Don't waste energy trying to decipher what your h thinks, where he is, what he is doing, etc. You cannot control it. Let it go. And as soon as you are able to truly shift the focus, you WILL feel better.
It gets much easier. Hang in there:)!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Hi six Just read your situation. So sorry you are here.
Your situation is different than mine but your H is so much like my W.
My W has also became the worst parent over night. Kids were priority for her before. Even took local jobs near the school to be close. Now she's moved out of town and gave me fil custody. She is in Lalaland with OM. Your H is deep in his fog and affair fog too. Abducted by aliens I don't know. WhT I do know is don't beleive his spew on you. Your H said all the same things my W said to me. It's script. Them projecting onto us what they feel they are. Also to justify their reason for leaving. My W also walked around with a recorder. What are they thinkng ? Lol What worked for me is avoid. Let them run.
I'm so happy your S is home. My D15 is an old sole too like your S. This has matured her so much. I wish they could not have this in their life and just be kids and not have this in their minds.
I see you have so much support here :-) I'm glad you found this place.
I truly believe the MLC doesn't feel the whole concequeces until every thing is final. Finances, house, custody and sadly divorce. These are over anyway. Make room for you and your kids . If H wakes up you will b in a better place
I hope you did Cali's list of three things. I'm 7 months in and I'm going to do it for myself.
Stay strong, you are not alone
Hugs Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
I found the OBS today. I sent him a message and we chatted for a few minutes.
Apparently the affair started in August, not October. Also, the OW was still "working" on her relationship with OBS until this week when he finally kicked her out.
OBS had no idea I existed. He was also told they just "hung out" in the hotel back in October. No mention of the kissing.
It feels like a weight has been lifted to get the other side of the story. The truth will set you free.
So will divorcing a cheater and getting the courts to order he continue to financially support you and the 6 kids. They'll leave him enough money to afford a studio crapshack in the hood. Good luck to him impressing the ladies with that.
On the ride to school this morning my daughters told me about how daddy was taking a trip this weekend. It totally caught me off guard and I started crying. I know we are separated but the reality of him spending Valentine's with this woman and having sex with her rips my heart out.
Trying to stay positive and focus on what a strong person I am. The separation papers were filed on Thursday and he should be served soon if he hasn't been. He is very angry because I have the tax refund and upon the advice of my lawyer put it in savings until the court decides what will happen. He has stopped giving me any money and says he won't make car payments anymore. I don't know how defaulting on the loan will help his new life plan. Through all of his raging this week I have either ignored his messages or responded with "ok" (when he told me about the car in person)
