It's all blowing up

[sandi2]

I am so worried about a daughter wanting to spend more time with her mom which is natural. She is also daddy's girl (in my mind...) but I am losing sleep over things i can't control.

Not necessarily. Just b/c she's a girl doesn't mean she'd rather be with her mother.

[otw]

I agree with Sandi

Mine prefers me.

[G8r]

Sorry to hear about the papers rich4j. It certainly knocks the wind out of you even if you are expecting it. Hope you're able to come to some agreement about your daughter. Vaya con dios.

[rich4j]

Its a weird day but handling it well I think

Helped D with homework and making sure I am helping tonight with bath etc..

Strange day. STBX is making D dinner and is like aren't you going to eat with us tonight? And has a trip planned and is talking to me about some of the issues she may have on this trip I was like in my "hey...you just served me with divorce papers, I ain't your friend right now"

But I simply smiled and said I will eat with you both and didn't really hear much of her other noise.

And thanks Sandi2 for your note and my condolences as I read a few posts just today catching up....you are an amazing person and hope you can continue to stay strong.

[rich4j]

So had a LONG talk with the L and feel alot better although my STBX continues to push me to get out. Not happening..... And when I say feel better, it is not in a happy smiley way...just that I know what I am heading into.

Strange happenings though with STBX as I have DB'ing all the way to the finish line. She is visiting friends this weekend again and kept telling me what she was doing this upcomign weekend and there is a risky situation she is helping a friend with and she asked "aren't you concerned or worried for me?"

I said I think you will be fine ......and carried on. She made a "geez type" noise and walked out.

Of course I care but I am trying to detach as she just gave me divorce papers!!!

[LITB]

I'm glad that the talk with your L has relieved some of your anxiety. It makes a world of difference.

Good for you on your response. I believe, her hoping for a reaction of concern from you, is her way of doing a temp check. Probably not consciously. Same thing with her behavior about dinner a couple of days ago. This is unknown territory for her too. She is trying to navigate her way through. Just like you. She likely gets a sense of comfort knowing that you are there.

Anyway, what is next on the agenda for you? Aside from the legal aspect.

[rich4j]

Yes..anxiety would be a kind word right now

She definitely is feeling her way through this and has no clue about living space, getting a job, etc.....just keeps thinking it will all work out somehow.

I can only take it day by day right now as this is hard. Me and the D are spending the weekend together so concentrating on making that the best it can be. Then its all about planning out how I get from point A (the big D) to just even B (finances, living , custody etc...)

Hope your sitch is on the upswing LITB

[LITB]

I can only take it day by day right now as this is hard. Me and the D are spending the weekend together so concentrating on making that the best it can be. Then its all about planning out how I get from point A (the big D) to just even B (finances, living , custody etc...)

Day by day is good. It starts with one step at a time. We must crawl, before we learn how to walk. Same concept applies here.

I admit, I had the same fears. More often than not, our fears are worse than reality. You probably don't see it right now, however you are doing well. At least from where I sit.

Hope your sitch is on the upswing LITB

I certainly cannot complain. As painful as the mess was, it helps us not to take things for granted. My W and I have both grown significantly. That is what life is all about. GROWTH. And our children are doing well. Whatever I can offer to encourage you, please ask.

[rich4j]

That is what life is all about. GROWTH. And our children are doing well. Whatever I can offer to encourage you, please ask.

Glad your sitch is working towards the positive


Strange evening. Now that I am headed for the big D, I notice different things with couples and families

My daughter and I went out to dinner tonight and I was very observant at the families in the restaurant. I look around now to see the dynamics and observe. Saw a few other what looked like "single" M/W with their children (they did not have rings on but that doesn't mean they are necessarily single) and then also observed some other "families'.

One family in particular looked miserable The W and H had zero interaction, the kids were on their iphones and it looked like a rain cloud over their table. I never had that with my tribe and wanted to go over to the table and throw cold water on both the H/W to say "wake up"!!! Love each other, cherish each other, make it special!

How life has changed ...in a good way at least in this regard.

[rich4j]

I do feel though a huge void hitting me like a ton of bricks now that things are "real" for the divorce

Not sure if others who have been in my sitch have felt the same way at least at the end of the finish legally with divorce coming.....as Azzork has said on paper

Its been around 7 months of being really lonely. I miss my W where I could share my day, thoughts, the good and bad, and also the intimacy. Been the longest time I can remember I have been this "alone" in so long. Hard for me to say now but as I woke up this am I felt again a real sadness and loneliness

It will be hard to open up again to anyone for a while I think and while I can't even think about dating again, being close to someone, etc... I miss not only my partner but a partner. How do you get over that hump?