It's all blowing up

[isittoolate]

I can't stand that we have to deal with L. I even told my H I couldn't believe that he'd rather throw money at Ls to rip everything we have apart than to give money to someone to help us work on our M.

Exactly L costs might be £2000 not contested on my case.

I think we 3 have similar sitchs - mine is a WAW who has served me D papers. At the mo I am Inhouse separated.

[rich4j]

I think we 3 have similar sitchs - mine is a WAW who has served me D papers. At the mo I am Inhouse separated.

Not fun isittoolate......

Especially in the same house. How are you handling things with being in the same residence? We are trying to alternate weekends to be "out of town" or doing things with our daughter separately. She/daughter is starting to pick up on this as we have co parenting cousnleing coming up in 2 weeks.

I initiated this as my STBX thinks she has it down in terms of what is best for our daughter in terms of explaining this which is hogwash.

I don't want to be in the same house but we can't rush thru this although she wants me to get an apartment. L said no way....not until we have things agreed to....

I am re-reading tonight the 180 stuff but I know in my heart I need to continue to detach and detach

[G8r]

I'm sorry to hear your picture story. I know that is hard. I've had to leave the room a few times when my D3 says or does something screaming happy family and the only reason I don't see the same is because WW wants a D rather than working to repair M.

I feel your pain there. I hope things work for you and your child.

[rich4j]

[quote=G8r]. I've had to leave the room a few times when my D3 says or does something screaming happy family and the only reason I don't see the same is because WW wants a D rather than working to repair M.

G- it's so hard. She (WAW) is causing so much pain and I can see my daughter starting to question everything. I am traveling all next week which is very unusual and she asked if I could stay and not go...started crying. Its ripping my heart out & building such a big storm of resentment with my STBX.

While I pine for a potential R with WAW, if I am being honest with myself it would be so hard to accept that path w/out such hesitation. One of the closies who knows my sitch asked me "what if she said, I am messed up and miss you and want to try to make this work"...could I? I hesitated. Thought about it.....and yes...I would want to try and invest whatever I needed to reconnect but never had hesitatation before....

[Mowgli]

Just remember, when it does come time to tell your D6, Don't let W sweep it under the rug saying something like this was a mutual decision.

D6 is old enough that she can understand some of those things. If it is a one-way D, make a stand and tell W that she needs to tell D6 that it is HER that wants the D.

sounds rough, but maybe it would be enough to make her reconsider.

[rich4j]

She wont go for that and we have counseling in 2 weeks on this...I am not sure I am onboard yet with that either

I will hear what the counselor says as at least at the age of 6 I want to keep things in a happy place and not start throwing blame. I can explain the sitch as she gets older but not really sure how best to handle this today

I would love to throw her under the bus and emotions may go that route but i dont want her taking sides and us having a touch custody situation of a sad kid who will be sad to begin with..

Tough situation

[SciDad]

It's not throwing her under the bus to say that she chose to get the divorce. You don't (and shouldn't) tell kids the sordid details, but it's also important to let them know some of the realities.

And as Mowgli points out, if your W can't handle saying she chose to end you marriage, maybe she's not ready yet.

[trumpet]

rich4j,

My decision to tell D14, S12, and D7 that mom was divorcing dad was tough, but I made a choice to show that I was still wanting to see the family together. I also said I loved W, W loved them, I loved them, and it wasn't their fault. Also, to love the sinner, not the sin.

W's narrative would have been that I had given her 15 years of crap, therefore it was OK to cheat. Not a great witness for Christ from a Christian who holds herself to very high standards.I truly don't know what she would have said in front of the kids, but it would have been along the lines that we both wanted a D, which just isn't true.

I don't know if you're Christian, or what you feel on divorce, but it feels like you don't have your feet really stable underneath you. You need to tell them from a position of strength, and from a viewpoint that isn't in the middle of a hurt locker.

No sense in discussing anything until you're served - rich, did you get served yet?

Also - I never thought of packing the Marriage in, until things had been bad for about a month. Once I found the EA, and the W was ready to D, after grieving a lot, I found myself actually thinking 'would life be better without her?'. I got to the point that yes, it would be, but I still believe in marriage, and in having one wife for life. So, I come back to that all the time, and won't compromise. If my wife does D me, I will have to move on. I won't agree with it, but that is the sitch I'm in. Keep that in mind.

[rich4j]

thanks...I dont have solid footing right now. Papers are served and she is pushing the D

I am going to hear what our therapist has to offer and really digest things before I do anything. She hasn't had an EA from what i could uncover but I could also just be blind to this all I do think if she did I would "eventually" let my Daughter know..right now it wouldn't mean much to her.

Not religious but spiritual in my beliefs. I don't believe in D and she has and will blame me for how we got here.

Trumpet-same house with the D...we are unfortunately in the same sitch in that respect I wish you the best of luck and keeping your sanity thru this all!

[trumpet]

Always tough in the same house, but can you stand tall every day, and when she spews, you can screen the junk, and be able to see it for what it is?

Anger has a way of taking any good intentions and twisting them.

Try to find all the pride you have and keep a very good lid on it. My pride killed me the first 2 months. I have self-respect, but pride can prevent true change from happening.