Wife checked out (3)

[2ltl2lt]

Thank you Thornton and roiste,

I will do that, just listen and validate. I had IC this morning and she asked me if I was prepared for our talk. I told her that I was not going to get angry or defensive and just make every effort to let her speak and validate how she says she feels. IC also agrees with this approach so that made me feel better. She asked me if I would get emotional if WW says she wants to D. I said that I probably would to a certain extent but will practice my breathing technique if it gets too noticeable .

[Thornton]

Sounds like a good plan.

Have a plan in place and you will be better able to control your emotions.

[mutatio]

Good plan, let us know brother, we're here for you.

[2ltl2lt]

Well it didn't go too good at all. She is getting tired of staying with her mother and wants to get an apartment. She also says she wants to get divorced and move on. I listened and agreed to everything she was saying and continued on with what I was doing . I'll never understand how she can just give up with no effort to try to work on our MR. When she finished talking about getting D I told her that it wasn't what I wanted and I was willing to work on it before giving up. She was sort of smiling/crying as we talked. I told her I needed some time to think about things and I left. I won't go back home until Friday.

[Thornton]

Sorry to hear that.

It's tough to get that talk. But it doesn't mean things are over. Remember, believe nothing they say and only half of what they do.

Let her think about the conversation you had and how you handled it for a while.

It's so hard to reconcile in our minds how they can just walk away.

Chin up, friend. You're going to make it through this.

[mutatio]

I am so sorry to read this. Thornton is right about it not being a done deal. Process the emotions your feeling. Is MC an option? Did she sound like she would maybe try to work on it? Is there any wiggle room in her position?

[2ltl2lt]

Thanks again friends,

One thing she said during our conversation was she hoped we could stay friends. I said that there was no way I would be her friend after all of this. I choose my friends based on how they treat me and others and based on the way she is treating everyone right now I would not be anywhere close to being her friend. I have read this scenario countless times about WW wanting to remain friends and I just can't see that being possible right now.

She also said she didn't want to sell the house, which to me means she still wants to continue remaining tied together longer. I really don't want to sell either since I built it myself and know what it's worth. But I don't want to remain tied together that way. She has proposed that we keep the house and rent an apartment and her and I switch off every week so the kids can remain in the same place. Sounds good on paper but I think it would prevent detaching even longer. Of course I never wanted any of this crap to begin with.

[mutatio]

What are her issues? Has she discussed what has led her to feel this way? I'm sorry if you stated it before but I've forgotten. Is she willing to talk about it? How are you holding up? When will the kids find out?

I think I would have great difficulty divorcing and being friends with my ex wife. I would prefer to turn all the assets into cash and go our separate ways. You situation is not so straight forward because of the ages of you children. Hang in there buddy, your not dead yet.

[2ltl2lt]

Her issues? She says that she doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore. That I was always working while she took care of the kids and the household duties and it drove a wedge between us. She felt exhausted from bearing the brunt of the daily life. She also feels like she tried to work on things for the past couple of years to try and strengthen our relationship. Other than a letter she wrote saying that she wasn't happy about my drinking and my health, she never really opened up and talked about her feelings. At some point she decided she didn't feel " in love" with me and stepped outside our vows. Personally I think it is an excuse for her behavior because we have always had a good friendship and worked together to achieve our goals. I don't know anymore, she has convinced herself of these things and right now that is all that matters.

[sandi2]

She has proposed that we keep the house and rent an apartment and her and I switch off every week so the kids can remain in the same place. Sounds good on paper but I think it would prevent detaching even longer.

You are right, plus it gets very old very quickly. A couple cannot move forward when they are going by this type of plan. After all, divorcing means going your separate ways. And she's wanting to keep the kids in the home while the two of you swap out? She is so out of touch with what D really looks like.