LBH w/ a WXW after the D - now what

[gs9]

I'm tired of struggling. Going to try to be awesome today. I've listed 3 things I'm thankful for today. I'm going to try to start each day listing 3 things I'm thankful for and returning to the list several times a day.

[Sotto]

Hi GS, that sounds like a good idea. Have you watched the Shawn Achor TED talk on happiness? Practicing gratitude is one of the recommended things to do. I do it regularly, and when I find myself on a negative spiral, I stop and think of what I'm grateful for today. It really helps I think. And it's best not to just stick to the same main things, but try and think of new things all the time.

Good luck being awesome!!!

[gs9]

Thanks Sotto. I'll make sure to watch the TED talk this weekend.

I read something today that spoke about not focusing on where you are but focus on who you are. Trying to do that also.

[trumpet]

gs9 - I'm looking really hard at myself right now, and the damage I did in the marriage - the years of me being proud and stubborn and not seeing how my wife wanted to be 'safe'. My addiction, my anger got in the way.

gs9 - think about the way you can always keep your feet below you. If you're thinking of her, you leaned on her. You had her as a crutch for you. How can you stand, confident and ready for anything?

I think you remodeling the house is just awesome. Playing with D4, being a great dad. You're headed in the right direction. I bet in a month from now, with good activity, good positive thinking, you'll have way less of the negative swings. I see that in my life as well.

[gs9]

Thanks Trumpet, I think you're right. I'm afraid it's going to be a long month.

I know one problem I'm having is I have always felt really balanced. never too high or too low. These down swings are something I'm not prepared for or experienced at. I think I'm handling them a little better each time but I expect way too much of myself. I expect to not have them so when I do I feel crushed. So not only am I learning how to deal with the lows but I'm also learning how to experience my feelings, label them and be ok with them.

Ugh! lots of learning. Lots of development thru turmoil and pain. Yuck

[gs9]

Ugh! Having a hard morning again. Had D4 exchange last night. WXW thought it necessary to tell me all the travel plans she has scheduled for the next 2 months. A couple of them are obvious work related but she felt the need to tell me she's going to the virgin islands for 5 days not once but twice. Then to tell me she'll be gone from Thursday - Monday. Can't help but think this is a trip with the guy she told me she was seeing. A couple weeks ago she sent me text messages accusing me of having a girlfriend and then she told me she was seeing someone, she sent me a picture of him, she said he just bought a house in Million $ neighborhood and had her pick out all the furniture. I know she was lashing out at me and was jealous even though I don't have a girlfriend and it's all in her head. But can't help but think she's probably taking a trip with him. I know we're D'd but it wasn't my choice. I want us to be healthy and to be a family again. Committed to each other again. IDK why I would want to be with someone who would purposely say things to hurt me over and over and over again. Glutton for punishment I guess.

Maybe she needs to spend this time with him so she'll see I'm the better choice and he'll see how far out in left field she is. How unhealthy she is. IDK. I hope so. And I hope she'll see the light recognizing that she needs the professional help that 2 of our MC's recommended she gets.

Trying to move on with my life. Trying to accept that we may never reconcile. Having a hard time accepting it.

[otw]

G
Sorry, that is tough. I know how my mind is so I know what you are going through.
The only thing that helps me is getting so busy that i cant think about it.

Not just busy alone but busy around other people. That part is a must for me.
Not even actually interacting with them, but just near people.

[shreeve]

I'm in the same boat G, just keep remembering that it is a cloud that passes. I've backed completely off of my wife and letting her figure things out with new guy, maybe it will work out for them maybe not. My path is the same either way. Getting so many emotions now that I'm wondering if I would ever take a chance on my WW again should things not work out. It's amazing how cruel / hurtful people can be, and I thing I deserve someone faithful / loyal. I am definitely having a tough time accepting that it is over, there's hope in me that just will not die.

[gs9]

Hey otw,
Thank you for checking in.
Being around people really helps me too. I stayed at a friends house last night so that helped last night.

The 70 min drive to the office didn't help and now I'm in the office alone for the next couple hours.

Talking here is so helpful. I've also been texting with a friend.

I'm having a very physical reaction to all of this. I've had symptoms of slight head cold for about a month. I missed a couple days of work with cold sweats and no energy. Today I feel shaky and very cold. Can't seem to warm up. I've been texting with a friend and she asked if I feel like I'm coming down with something more serious or if I'm sad. When she asked unfortunately I couldn't answer. Recognizing, admitting and labeling feelings is so new to me I'm not sure. After some time I was able to respond with " I feel out of balance and not in control. I've spent so much of my life very balanced. Not too sad, not too happy, not too angry....just very middle of the road. I'm disappointed with being out of balance. I feel chaotic. I feel like I want to escape these feelings but escaping doesn't help deal with them. I feel unorganized.....maybe overwhelmed. I'm not sure if that's too strong of a word. "

Definitely shouldn't be alone this morning.

[otw]

Lol. I was the same way. Something was wrong. I thought it was just the entire stress wearing me down. I finally went to doctor. Been fighting a bad sinus infection for months. Just went back again because it didn't clear. Feeling better now though.

I am sure trying to forget by drinking wasn't helping either!