LBH w/ a WXW after the D - now what

[otw]

G
I'm not sure which way to go for you here. I know what you ultimately want but then read on how you are still angry about the no remorse. I agree she needs to own her mistakes but does she see a clear path back?

I'm not sure there is one. Your actions may need to be a little contact and set some boundaries about the shots she takes at you. But if she feels there is no way back to you then I think she will still be showing you anger

I am not saying pursue so don't confuse but there has to be some way for her to feel safe in letting the anger go and then own her part

[gs9]

Thanks guys, I did respond about 2 hours later with only "I'll have to try it sometime"

I do want her to believe there is a path back but definitely not letting her off the hook.

[otw]

that is the attitude

[gs9]

well.....I've been away from here for awhile. I have had several D4 exchanges with WXW. She has on several occasions tried to be overly friendly and flirty in person and over text message. My response each and every time has been very business like. Not cold but not friendly either.
This last weekend I finally closed on my home equity line of credit to pay off her half of the equity and some bills medical bills in her name. She asked if we could meet at starbucks to go over the bills. I told her I wasn't sure what my schedule was going to look like on Friday. Saturday morning I sent her message and said
"Just send me the bills. I'll figure it out and then we can square up"
She said " So are you saying we are not going to sit down and go over it??"
I said " I don't understand why we need to sit down to go over it."
She said "whatever"

The rest of the weekend her messages were very sharp. She even asked me to drive 20 minutes to her city to bring her money. That was funny. No way was I going to drive to her to bring her money. Hard enough handing over that much money to her.

I feel she was just trying to get a chance to spend time with me. I guess I'm not interested in spending time with her until she comes with an apology for the way she has treated me or at least shows some remorse. I don't know. Maybe I'm being too tough. Maybe there isn't a chance for her to show remorse if I won't spend time with her......I don't know......she has plenty of opportunities to show remorse or apologize when swapping D4 or in text messaging through out the day.

I'm not going to just accept or be manipulated by her flirting.

[otw]

G
I had been thinking about you. I know I am going to sound like a broken record to you in a minute.

The thing you consistently say is you are waiting for an apology or a sign of remorse from her. Maybe she does not show that in the same way as you or willing to be just upfront about it. I have learns just because we want things a certain way or someone to do the way we would doesn't make it so.

Another view may be that she really may not be where she sees that she needs to give you an apology. This may take time and may never come. It also may need so forward movement between the two of you for her to get there.

So here is my broken record part. You are really hung up on this in my opinion. It is fine as well but then I guess it is just maybe time to move forward.

But if I can sense the anger just reading then I am sure she can feel it as well as others. If that is something you need from her and she is not doing it then so be it. But don't let that anger show anymore.

[gs9]

I am angry......
I often miss the good times we had in our M....but then I'm reminded of how controlling and manipulative she was. If things weren't the way she wanted it then she would blow up. I'm reminded of the explicit sex messages she sent the other men, the naked pics, the way she would text them right in front of me. She would take phone calls from them and walk outside to talk to them. The way she would shove it in my face and tell me how great he was and how she wishes she was f'ing him right now. This didn't just happen once. This happened several times during the last couple months we lived in the same house. I'm reminded of how just in December she told me she would say things to me about the other men to hurt me. This statement wasn't followed by an apology. It was followed by
WXW: "I did this to hurt you because you do things to hurt me"
Me: "What do I do to hurt you"
WXW: "You put on cologne to go out. I know you're not going out to hang with the guys. You're going out to pick up women or to smell good for your girlfriend"
Me: " I didn't know this was hurtful to you."
Her: " well I asked you not to wear it"
ME: "no, what you said was - Don't spray that in here- I didn't know it was hurtful to you. I'm sorry I hurt you and in an effort to get along I'll not spray cologne on in the house as long as you are still living here. "

D4 then entered the room and the conversation ended. Over the last couple months of us living in the same house she admitted she said things to intentionally hurt me, that she knows it was wrong of her to say hateful things about my family and friends but never did she apologize. I've have had conversations with her asking her if she thinks it's ok to talk to me the way she does or say the things she says to me. Her response everytime was to blame me for her behavior.

She may never be able to take responsibility for her actions/behaviors. She may never come to a place of remorse or be willing to apologize. If she doesn't then I don't want her anyway.

[TimR]

I understand completely where you are coming from and sorry you have to deal with such anger. I have the exact same thing going on. WW specifically said all she wants to do right now is hurt me. I would like to tell her she already killed me, what more could she do. Oh but she will find a way and a time that I am not protected and then strike.

You know it is bad enough they cheat and destroy us but then to do to validate themselves is whole other level of terrible.

I know its an addiction and I should not react but wow if we are successful we should be up for sainthood.

Know there are others here going through the same thing and feeling the same way. Just make sure to vent here and not blow up at her. I wish you strength, brother!

[otw]

G
Give me an update