New here

[Stormchaser]

If your wife is truly remorseful and you're working on fixing your R then you really do need to put it behind you. Now, the hardcore groups from some other sites will attack me for saying that. They would accuse me of rug sweeping. I'm not. What I'm doing is healing. Sitting around thinking about the things she said to AP during the A is not healing. That no longer matters in our lives. Once you forgive, you have to forget. If not then you'll never truly heal and the M probably won't last the long haul. For better, for worse. We've done a lot of worse in the last few years. I'm looking forward to better.

BTW, there are some other almost dangerous sites when it comes to fixing M's. Some of the hardcore people I talked about, remember that they're all divorced, extremely bitter, and live on those sites 24/7 pain shopping. Their first word to everyone coming there seeking help is "DIVORCE!!!" Stay away from them.

TxHubby, thank you so much. You've probably just saved me a heartload of trouble and more. Those other sites, I know them well, and they confuse me. One person told me to go "scorched earth" and tell everyone. Now, had I done that in the beginning, the devastation would've probably led my wife to suicide. When I mentioned that, one person said, "its not your fault they screwed around". I mean, this is the mother of my children, I don't want to be responsible for her death!!

The mind movies are bad enough without me adding to them actual facts. For all I know, the facts aren't even half as bad as what I think happened.

I don't wanna know. I just wanna move forward. I've spent too many weeks digging up dirt on the OM and his W - time that could've been spent constructively rebuilding my marriage.

I took a vow, like you, better or worse. Most of my family and friends are astounded I let her back in the house and want to work on the marriage. Screw them, I say, because they don't know her like I do. We will be celebrating nearly 30 years together as well. I'm in it to win it. She has shown remorse, and yeah, that rugsweeping comment always comes to mind. But is it, really? We've talked about it so many times, its annoying now. The word "affair" bothers me. Should I bring that up all the time? No. I can't keep opening up that wound daily, because they take too long.

The woman loves me. She knows she screwed up. She knows if it happens again, things will not be good. She initiated therapy, and is seeing changes in me that are positive. We are open in our communication in a way we haven't been in the last 25 years.

I think its worth the hard work.

[TxHubby]

I'm still doing the work myself. We're just a little further along the line. What helps is that my W's sanity is back. You'll know that when your W can't believe how she was acting and actually beats herself up over it worse than you do (which should be not at all).

As the betrayed spouse will it seem sometimes like you have to eat too much sh*t in order to put it behind you and heal? Yes, those days will hit you where you're both having to work hard because of what she did. It will feel unfair. The thing is, that's when you and I and all of us (be it men or women) have to man up, swallow that sh*t sandwich and learn to develop a taste for it. We're strong enough. Look at what we've survived? Does that mean we're doormats? Absolutely not. If my wife were to violate our agreed upon boundaries I'd walk in a second and wouldn't look back. Now I know I can. I love her with all my heart. I don't check her phone or email even though she's completely open and tells me I can. I refuse to live like that. If I thought I needed to regularly check those things then I would divorce her and move on. You're either all in or all out. You can't half a$$ it.

[shreeve]

Hey TX, wanted to check your sitch, thanks for sharing. Hope all is well.