Gee I hope your ok buddy! Looks like things are tough. That alimony money your talking about sounds really unfair, as long as there are no safety or welfare issues involved I reckon the children should go with who ever can support them the best. You have been pretty helpful to me, I really value that. All I can say is I really hope things get better and some good karma comes your way and restores your faith in humanity and the world we live in. I still don't have the person I married back, but at least I am starting to enjoy life again, it's because of people like you who give a damn and you should take my gratitude as something good that has come your way, all the people on this board respect you, stay strong, who knows what great things are coming your way!
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
Thanks for checking in on me guys. Been a little distant lately, I guess I feel like I'm saying the same things again and again sometimes, plus I've been a little cynical lately and that doesn't help our newbies. I have updates, but first I'll reply to your posts.
Maybell, I have thought about what you said. I agree with one thing- I'm nowhere close to being ready to date. For me that is a right decision, I want a minor lifetime to pass and the person that I was during my M to be a faint memory before I consider dating again. When that day comes I'm confident that I'll be ready to give and receive. At this point I'm still working through the echoes of the loss and sorting out my true outlooks from the tainted views from this one sour experience.
Juju, are you an old poster with a new user name that I know, or did you just jump on to my thread? Just curious. I've seen your name but haven't caught up on your sitch. Let me know, I might start posting more again.
AU- thanks bud. You know, I'm glad she will have the children 50% of the time, it's best for the kids. I do think alimony and child support are mildly insane, but then again I feel that way about divorce and that doesn't stop the WAS's from showing up at the courthouse by the busload. I just live here.
Anyway, here is the update:
Kids: I took my kids to the chess tournament and they had a BLAST. They each played 6 games and despite being novice they each had a great time. My 5 year old somehow won a game, had a few draws, and lost the others. My 8 year old split her 6 games. And my 11 year old son (who was in the toughest division as he is oldest) lost his first four, drew his fifth, then tied his sixth! I am glad they each got a win just so they didn't feel they didn't belong.
Best of all, there is another one in two weeks, the last of the season, so we decided to go to that one too! In between now and then we are practicing a little, and I found a GREAT way to train. We are playing as a team against the computer. I put the game up on our TV, then each of the kids suggests a move, and I vote on which move I am going with and explain why. We take turns with which kid suggests the move first, and they all have to give me a different move so I have options. Then, each time we win, we bump the level up one on the computer. By using this technique they are forced to pick moves, explain why, then we all talk about the ideas in the position. This is both excellent practice AND amazing family time
Only bad news is I'm still sore, they had "parent vs kid" dodgeball and I had to play in all divisions because I had 3 kids with me...I forgot that I'm a bit out of shape, and as you can imagine being so competitive I was not one to stand in the back. I was darting and rolling and throwing and charging, I wiped out and bruised the heck out of my knee and leg on the gym floor, and I woke up yesterday and could barely stand up. I am still in agony. Hopefully I recover by the next tournament. (But for what it's worth the parents won )
Work: I finished February on a high note, got my 'grade' to a B- in my opinion. And am starting ok for March.
Pool: Oh boy! I am taking Th/Fr off this week. First time off I've taken since I started this new position in 11/2014. Me and my best friend are going out of town and doing a 2 day boot camp. We are going to practice pool for 12 hours a day for 2 days. Just brutal, brutal, brutal hard work. We are going to torture ourselves. We do this for two reasons. #1, it is our way of finally getting around to doing a deep dive and working on some of those obscure things we always tell ourselves we will get to. #2, after doing these boot camps, for the next year our idea of hard work is about 200% higher, so every time we practice or compete we end up pushing ourselves harder than we did before. We go out of town just to unplug and be away from our daily lives. Then we have a tournament on Saturday, so I'm confident we'll be ready (or too exhausted to play).
So all in all I am having fun, working hard and playing hard!
Relationship: I don't have much to say. Again, not on my radar right now. Happy. Single. Skeptical that it could be any other way, and ok with that. I've given a little thought to what I'd say if I wrote a personal ad online. I've got a few rough drafts in my brain. In the end I'd like to eliminate somewhere between 99.999%-100% of all potential partners. I say that with no disrespect to the women on this board. In case it's not clear this reflects on me, not on women. I obviously am struggling to accept the reality that most people aren't as committed to the 'one partner for life no matter what' idea as I am. While I have accepted it in terms of not having it upset me throughout my life, I haven't accepted it in terms of me having to invest in a relationship co-piloted by another person that doesn't share my convictions. Oh, I know we can say that person is out there, but let's be honest, she's hidden in the middle of a sea of WAS's like the Whoville dandelion.
But in case you can't tell, I've never been happier. I have fun when I see my kids. I have fun on my own. I have fun when I am off work. And I have fun Monday morning. I'm enjoying my time on Earth. And I appreciate the fact that we're not here forever. It's all good. So marriage can go jump in a lake.
Thanks DB crew, hope to talk to more of you soon. I think I just needed a break. Later!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I'm glad you stopped in. And it is awesome you have been enjoying yourself. I had to laugh at the image of you playing dodgeball because I am the same way. Always happy to see you here zues
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Thanks for checking in, Zeus. It is great to hear about you and your kiddos. I hope you continue to post and give advice - it helps us "newbies" get some perspective and see there is a possibility of happiness at the end (or beginning as it may) of our journey. It is especially rewarding to see the DB'ing process work even without reconciliation. I am so glad that you are happy and fulfilled - that truly is the best "revenge".
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Zeus if your still on here I ask you to look at my thread and give me some advice. I recall awhile back you saying I may have to lay out boundaries to WW. And I am unsure if it is at that point.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Juju, are you an old poster with a new user name that I know, or did you just jump on to my thread? Just curious. I've seen your name but haven't caught up on your sitch. Let me know, I might start posting more again
Zues, I wish I could say I had a new revelation and some spiritual growth so felt a new name change was appropriate, but I changed name just for more anonymity. You helped me a lot though as Julie. Unfortunatly no real changes to my situation. Same old. You seem happily busy. Glad to see it. I certainly understand the need for a break! Reading your updates is a breath of fresh air. 5 year old playing chess is incredible! Now I'm inspired. My son might chew on the chess pieces though. He would definatly throw them at the cat. Have a good extended weekend away.
