This saturday WW texted me saying she thought I was leaving S with my mom too much on the weekends. He has only stayed over a couple of times in the past month. She said something like I need the first option to take him if you don't want him. I called her and said that I have been taking care of the kids pretty much on my own and felt like it was going fine. I said that the kids enjoy spending time with their grandmother. She is worried that my mom is talking bad about her to the kids. So I told her that we need to agree on a schedule if this is going to be a problem. She has been avoiding this since the beginning.
M: 39 W:38 D: 11 S: 7 T: 18 M:13 I suspect problem: 8/15 ILYB: 9/15 Never quit on love I ask her to leave:10/15
Now I'm wondering what she is trying to accomplish with her attitude about the kids staying with my mom. In case you haven't caught up on my sitch my mom saw WW out at a bar with OM. Mom has been very angry towards WW since. While she wouldn't show this around the kids, I'm afraid WW is going to try to use this against her as far as watching the kids is concerned. Do you all think I should just let it be for now or be more assertive about having the kids stay with my mom occasionally ?
M: 39 W:38 D: 11 S: 7 T: 18 M:13 I suspect problem: 8/15 ILYB: 9/15 Never quit on love I ask her to leave:10/15
I've been hanging out with my old girlfriend pretty much every day for the past week. We have had a load of fun. She introduced me to some of her friends this past Sunday. They live on a lake nearby and took us out on their big cigarette boat for a ride around the lake. It was the fastest I have ever gone on the water, and I've been on a lot of boats. We hung out there and had bloody Mary's until the game started. Now there are several other women asking her about me and one of them texting me regularly. It's nice to get the attention from the ladies but I'm really not all that interested in entering a steady relationship for awhile, not to mention I'm still married. Besides that, I have met some really interesting men, most of whom are in the same or similar business as I am and could potentially push some much needed work my way. I know most of the advice here steers us away from opposite sex company but I suppose I'm a bit of a rebel sometimes and I have made it abundantly clear that I am nowhere near ready for anything serious.
M: 39 W:38 D: 11 S: 7 T: 18 M:13 I suspect problem: 8/15 ILYB: 9/15 Never quit on love I ask her to leave:10/15
As far as your mother watching the kids, this is what I would do, I would ask your mother to please not bad mouth your wife to the kids. That would not be fair to the kids, I would ask your wife to trust you and your mother will taking good care of the kids. I think there's nothing wrong with the the kids hang out with their grandmother. As you said, your still married and bad mouthing your wife makes everyone's live harder and gets you nothing.
As far as you lady friends go I would remind you that just because you plow the field doesn't mean you have to plant the seed.
Agreed, I am not one to mince words with anyone and my wife knows this. She is basically jabbing wildly trying to hit the button that gets the reaction she wants. I am not going to fall into that trap. Thank you for your always sound advice. How's the welding class progressing?
M: 39 W:38 D: 11 S: 7 T: 18 M:13 I suspect problem: 8/15 ILYB: 9/15 Never quit on love I ask her to leave:10/15
We're doing vertical stick welding with 1/8" 6010 rods. It's going fine. I'm happy to learn it but not sure I'll ever use stick. In about a month we get to TIG. I envision using MIG and TIG in my work.
2, I'm scared, my marriage is over and it doesn't look like there's a way to fix it. She just has no interest in me. It's hard to accept that it's over.
Mu, brother, friend, I have to tell you something that may come across harsh. Fear in any form is extremely unattractive. This fear is not real sir. Fear and happiness are cousins of sorts, in that both are created from within. Please do not confuse fear with insecurity, both of which will only serve to drive you two further apart. I will not accept the "all hope is lost" attitude. There is enough of that out in the world, we must continue to find peace within ourselves.
M: 39 W:38 D: 11 S: 7 T: 18 M:13 I suspect problem: 8/15 ILYB: 9/15 Never quit on love I ask her to leave:10/15
The day has finally come, WW says she wants to talk. There is no school today and the kids are off doing things with friends. I won't see WW until later this evening when she gets off work and I'm not sure what exactly she is ready to talk about. Could be divorce, could be schedules, could be reconciliation. I don't have any expectations. Since I have been NC with her she seems to want to be around more and seems anxious for me to initiate contact. This will be the first time since BD that she has asked me to talk. Should I just listen and validate or try to engage more deeply since it was her that asked to talk?
If she says she is ready to work on our MR how should I respond? If she says she is ready to divorce how should I respond?
I agree with sandi2 about being careful not to let them back in too easily. She will have to put in a lot of work to convince me she is ready to be in a committed relationship with me.
I am not ready to move ahead with D right now either, so I'm not sure how to deal with her if this is what she wants.
M: 39 W:38 D: 11 S: 7 T: 18 M:13 I suspect problem: 8/15 ILYB: 9/15 Never quit on love I ask her to leave:10/15
You don't have to reply to anything.You can listen and validate and get back to her after you have thought it through. Regardless of what she discusses keep your emotions in check and be positive in attitude.
I'll let the vets advise you on the specifics.
Good luck. And NO expectations..... good or bad.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
