Well, I guess I just feel like I don't know how to implement them. Once the divorce is finalized, I will have no reason to talk to him, especially since we don't have kids, and as of right now, he wants nothing to do with me. I also feel like I need to become a stronger person first, and maybe that will help me implement these rules better. There wasn't anything specific, that's just the general feeling I get when I read over the rules.
I think you need to stop worrying about it. These are a guide as how to deal with an unreconciled spouse where there is still interaction. You don't have to implement them if you are D and your lives won't be intertwined. He goes his way and you go your way.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, When I am home with him (he want to divorce and is "trying" to move out), do I look him in the eye and smile and say hello? Or do I completely ignore him?
Edit from Sandi2 I will check out your thread and comment there.
My spouse and I stumbled over here by a different web address and thought I might check things out. I like what I see so i am just following you. Look forward to checking out your web page again.
Sandi2, Thank you for these rules. I have already been trying to do a lot of them, but this list is affirmation that I am doing the right thing. Sometimes it is hard to do these things when you don't see immediate results. Especially #24. I go through times when I just feel like ending it and allowing it to be over so I can start to heal and then find someone who will truly appreciate me and not make me feel so worthless. I know that this isn't truly about me, but about him and what is going on inside, but it still doesn't make it hurt any less. Still working on distancing, I guess I am afraid that if I truly distance myself from H than it is over. And that is something that is hard to accept.
H: 48 W: 41 M: 12 D: 10 1st DB: 3/15/16 2nd DB/S: 4/2/16 - H moved out of bedroom False Reconciliation: 7/17/16 - H moved back into bedroom
thanks for the rules. I want to make my own personal post but can't seem to figure out how
How to start a thread
I will use what Job wrote
First Click on Newcomers then:
Originally Posted By: job
Go to the top of the screen and there is a new topic box on the left hand side. Click on it and then you will open the window to create a new subject as well as a posting. It's the same way that you created this thread.
Isn't 15 kind of faking it actually? And if you come across as something is wrong and then you say "nothing", do you really expect they will believe that? They are going to think your looking like pouting and then saying "nothing" is totally a game to get them to really probe you about what is wrong.
As for 19, if someone were to want to improve themselves in any way, it might be interpreted as competing with the OP. But then what do you do if you know that is an area that needs improving in your relationship and you sincerely want to improve it? Why is that fake just because the OP makes you realize it or makes you realize you can solve it?
I think there are a lot of good points here but where do you draw the line between being the NEW and BETTER you that is supposed to be attractive to your spouse and playing games or suppressing yourself in ways that result in you not being new and better?
