I'm eager to learn more about your sitch as well. There are a ton of us (LBH) on this board...lots of wisdom and support from some vets who have 'been there and done that'.
Know this...applying the DBing rules can/will make a difference. In YOU! It won't be easy...and you will screw up. A lot. (Well...you will if you're like me)...but it will make positive changes in your perspective. Keep your head up!
Ojap M 13 T 15 D 11 D 11 D 9 BD #1: ILYBNILWY 09/2015 BD #2: W asks for S 12/2015 ---------- Currently: Limbo
Hi Melo. Sorry your are here also. In house separations are really tough. You find yourself dancing around like a trained circus bear trying to do everything right. But with a closed heart and walls, WAW don't want to see anything good in LBS. They are selfish at this point. Rightly or not. Just try to let some of your thoughts not be about your W. I struggle and my journey is just beginning. I am back again after winning WAW 8 years ago. It can be done but the work that comes after, I just didnt have the tools or insight to keep her. Good luck.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
Thank you for the support I appreciate it! Thornton: My wife thinks I had an A because I became very distant and cold, not spending time with her, not kissing her goodnight, no Valentine, no anniversary presents. I was also playing games on my phone and when she would tell at me about it, I would stop like a good husband would and then take the phone into the bathroom and play in there, which was very functional for me at the time, but I could see how it made her suspicious. This is her 2nd marriage and her 1st husband cheated on her throughout the entire relationship, so she equated the feelings with those. I did cheat on her 8 1/2 years ago, when we first started going out and lived in different states. I never told her until 5 months ago, in the process of coming clean on everything. My wife complained about the lack of time we spent together, about some emotional wall that I have always had up that she never got through, the fact that I never bought furniture for the apartment, I work with all women and have unconventional work hours so she felt alone, I never fixed my credit score so we never got a house and I gained a lot of weight.
Thank you for the support I appreciate it! Thornton: My wife thinks I had an A because I became very distant and cold, not spending time with her, not kissing her goodnight, no Valentine, no anniversary presents. I was also playing games on my phone and when she would tell at me about it, I would stop like a good husband would and then take the phone into the bathroom and play in there, which was very functional for me at the time, but I could see how it made her suspicious. This is her 2nd marriage and her 1st husband cheated on her throughout the entire relationship, so she equated the feelings with those. I did cheat on her 8 1/2 years ago, when we first started going out and lived in different states. I never told her until 5 months ago, in the process of coming clean on everything. My wife complained about the lack of time we spent together, about some emotional wall that I have always had up that she never got through, the fact that I never bought furniture for the apartment, I work with all women and have unconventional work hours so she felt alone, I never fixed my credit score so we never got a house and I gained a lot of weight.
Never mind my earlier assessment. You cheated and she just found out a few months ago. It takes 2-5 years to recover from something like that and a lot never do. You have no idea how badly you hurt her so that you could get your ego kibbles. No idea. Good luck with that.
My wife thinks I had an A because I became very distant and cold, not spending time with her, not kissing her goodnight, no Valentine, no anniversary presents. I was also playing games on my phone and when she would tell at me about it, I would stop like a good husband would and then take the phone into the bathroom and play in there, which was very functional for me at the time, but I could see how it made her suspicious.
So I see this as a two fold problem. Why are you cold and distant?
And how can you make changes to yourself so that this is corrected?
You are more than welcome to post here. Are you ready to do some hard work?
Sandi: The kids ask about where I sleep and I have just been saying that I fall asleep wherever I get tired. I don't know exactly how much to tell them since we aren't sure of what will happen and I don't want to traumatize them unnecessarily. Txhubby: you are right, I don't know how badly I hurt her, and I know that no amount of apologies will suffice for the breach of trust. I will say though that while I have made my mistakes in the past I have not been unfaithful for the past 8 1/2 years and have not wavered, even in the face of a lackluster sex life and my wife basically living for the kids and forgetting about me.
