Welcome back! I've missed your musings and wisdom during your hiatus.
Yeah, I know I've got this. But my feet aren't firmly planted on the ground just yet. With D22's move, I've found myself in a place I haven't been awhile. Yeah, it's been sad, but she had the more traumatic transition than I did.
She reminds me so much of myself in my 20s: she's adventurous, not afraid to jump off the high dive in the deep end of the pool, and just in general expects herself to keep going. The times that slip her up are when her expectations and reality have a huge gap. Part of the reason I drove out with her last week (aside from safety) is knowing exactly what happens when you make the leap of moving across country to start a job where you know NO ONE. I did it when I was 26, and I approached the move with great expectations and excitement. I did it alone (the moving van hauled all my stuff, and I flew to CA). I remember landing and checking into my temporary corporate apartment and struggling. I left behind my support network, social life and general stability. And I really didn't expect to feel so out of sorts. It took me by surprise and I wound up learning a whole lot about myself in the first year of living there.
So I wasn't as surprised at her breakdown within an hour of pulling up in front of her flat as she was. The flat was not as advertised, and I definitely felt she was sold a pig in a poke. BUT... I had to be the mom (first time she needed me as a mom in a really long time) and the role came surprisingly easy. I told her about my dump of an apartment, and I told her about how hard it was to do what she did. It was a touch and go weekend, but she's been generally okay this week and getting her sea legs in a very different place than where she grew up. She's texted or called me every night - something she didn't do the entire time she was in college.
My heart wants to ache when I see that empty bedroom upstairs, but for her sake, it just doesn't. I'm going to get it transformed into a guest room soon. Then it won't feel so weird.
The current fly in my ointment is the fact that my A/C doesn't work, and it's been hotter than heck for the last week and change. My unit is a sauna and I'm not happy. My HVAC guy is getting me a proposal to replace the unit, and as soon as I get it, I'm going to order that sucker and get in his queue. It's supposed to be 94 today. Joy.
Mr. Wonderful is back to being more normal. My time on the road gave me a little perspective. He's really a bad emoter, and I have to wonder if losing his dad and his daughter moving away was just overwhelming to him? We're back to being able to talk. I guess that's a good thing. He's taking D19 to Montana next week to attend his dad's celebration of life. It's a super great thing that D19 loves road trips. She's been on 2 very long ones and now the Montana route. I'm glad I'm here.
In the meantime, I've got some chores to do that I haven't been able to tackle since life got hectic last fall. I'm going to finish refinishing my dining room table and chairs (which I started last September) and then slowly start getting settled in the house. I haven't put up curtains or pictures - mostly because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, and I also wasn't sure what D22 would want to take to MA. Now I'm pretty sure. It's time to make this place mine.
What's everyone doing for the 4th? I'm heading into the mountains to see some friends that I haven't seen in a really long time. I met them when Mr. Wonderful and I were dating back in California. They moved to Colorado a couple of years after we moved here and we used to see them all the time. I'm looking forward to the visit.
One last positive thing: D19 has been able to get herself in good enough shape with her renal acidosis to get her off the meds. It was the result of changing seizure meds last summer, and it was a very slow titration off the meds. It's so nice to have her on less meds. Now our focus is literally pushing fluids in front of her and telling her to hydrate. She's been pretty cooperative, so that's a good thing.
So that's my update for the weekend.
Hope everyone has a good and safe holiday. Can't believe it's already nearly July. This year sure is flying by.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
