Married 18 years, wife has been emailing ex-boyfriend for at least 9 years before I discovered. When confronted she wanted separation. I exposed her after trying to get her to stay for 3 weeks. She pretended to be reconciling and gaslighted me instead, secretly planning D and then filed in February 2016. WW finally moved out at the end of April.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
SadHub, Doing OK, thanks. Sense of anger is still strong in me. I need to learn to control and channel it. Had to leave work early to pick up S11 yesterday to take him to LL practice. It's a mad dash from his after school program as I toss him the bag and he changes in the back seat while we drive to the fields. Once there things settled down. S11 was glad to see me again, the five days apart for our 2-2-3 seems so long, even though I've seen him pretty much every day in his sports activities. I guess I miss the chance to talk to him about school, his life, etc. Got to catch up at dinner and helped him with his homework. Didn't sleep that well last night, woke up a couple times. The AD's side effect of making me drowsy seems to be wearing off. I wake up sweaty all the time after taking Lexapro, does anyone have the same symptoms? Anyway was able to coax myself back to sleep until about 5am, thoughts started racing again. I feel sad also but I can't seem to cry any tears. It's an awful feeling.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
I hear you on the anger. Vanilla has shared some good things with me as it relates to anger and the different shades. It is helpful to understand for channeling appropriately and for out benefit.
5 days is a long time not to be with your child. Fortunately my L shared a co plate ting plan to ensure I never go more than 3 days without having my d. But those 3 days are tough for me. I do have the fortunate situation that d17 has chosen to stay with me, but I know in a year or so she will be off to start her own life. I try not to think of that now though as I want to cherish each moment I have now.
It's good that you get to see him daily with his sports but I know that is not the same as taking him home each day. My heart goes out to you as I know your pain.
Why is sleep so elusive? I have never experienced that in my life until the BD. And the sweating thing may be due to your AD, or not because I have had the same issue. I have had to change my t shirt several times in the night as I wake up so drenched. Not sure if it is meds or just my body and the stress the emotional pain is causing. I wish you success in working through this challenge and will share any successes I find in my own battle with this.
Keep doing the things that will help you heal and know I send you my support as I feel your pain and know what you are going through.
Have a good day my friend and even though s11 may think he is to old for hugs now, be sure and give them. You will both benefit.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
SadHub, The night sweat is definitely due to my AD, Lexapro... It started right after I took it. Searched on the web and apparently it's a well-documented side effect. Better wash my sheets more frequently, I guess! Yes, I hugged S11 frequently. He is not too old yet for hugs, he still has a stash of stuffed animals he sleeps with :-)
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
lexapro for me as well. My side affects are sleepiness, reduced libido, can't climax. Being a recovering porn addict, the last two are actually welcomed! I put on weight using Lexapro.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
Seems we are all in the same boat with the big D looming....some living in the same house!
Anger & resentment- let it happen. You can't keep it bottled up as it is normal. All these feelings including being sad, crying, anger resentment and even the word "hate" have come and gone for me but recycle and come back again.
cwol-have you tried meditation at all? I got an online subscription to Headspace..its only like 15-20 minutes a night but it helps me before I go to bed. I used to be able to sleep too and find i wake up alot at 5 or 6am wondering if this was a bad dream.
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Rich4j, Yes, being "fixers," we hate the inability to control the direction of the D. The anger and resent is a constant, ever present any time there's reminder of our family being broken up. I want to cry but I find no tears coming out. Yes, I have tried meditation but I am not good at it at all. Even in better days I find my mind wandering and racing frequently, it was very hard to sit down and meditate. I tried doing it in yoga classes and usually I just get drowsy. I've tried the mobile apps recommended on this board and the music did make me drowsy but didn't bring clarity to my mind or anything like that. I'll look up Headspace and maybe find a true meditation class around here. I definitely need peace and serenity in my mind!
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
