Unfortunately, I lost my job after three years. I was actually doing well in it but many complications beyond my control made it very difficult for the company financially. To be honest, it was a relief because with the D and also stress at work, it was too much. It was also a relief that I don't have to split my paycheck in half with my WW. As my sister said, maybe it is a message from a higher power for me to focus on the really important things. Luckily, financially I do have savings enough to tie me over for some time if I needed it.
I texted my WW about my loss of work but no response on that, she responded to something else. Several hours later, she asked about her last support checks? I had to answer, "Actually, I think you might have to pay me now, now that my income is $0 and you make more than me!" Sorry, I know it was bad but I can't help throwing it back at her. I had my L inform her L immediately but her L took her time responding, so unfortunately my L had to file yet another RFO to stop the support payments. Yet more money wasted on legal stuff for nothing.
It'll be interesting on the support situation. Since I paid off the mortgage several years ago, I don't have any payments while my WW has a substantial amount to pay every month for her rent. It's really just my utilities and taxes that I have to worry about, and food and other living expenses.
Since then I've been taking a lot of time shuffling my son around to his baseball practices, school, and other activities. My unemployment is a blessing in disguise because now I don't have to rush from work to try to make S11's practices. For his Little League it is tournament time, this weekend will be the beginning of Tournament of Champions and his team is the top seed, after ending the season 18-2. So I'll be able to help coach him during this tourney.
After TOC it'll be All Stars, it will be very interesting to see how far his team can go this year. Out here baseball is very competitive because we play year round, and some of the best players will be playing. I really enjoy my time with him doing these activities.
Since my job loss I've intensified my workouts. I went to hot yoga for the first time. Can't say it was for me. The heat was much harder than the yoga! Also have been doing spinning, regular yoga, and aqua aerobics. My WW was upset I joined the same club, but I really don't give a .... at this point.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
Good to hear from you. A very bitter sweet week and developments for you it sounds. That is very cool that your sons team is doing so well. Thats gotta be a fun distraction for both of you. Enjoy those moments. These re the things that you S can look back on and have fond memories of his dad.
Funny how a job loss is inadvertently sticking it to the WW. But hey, thats the dream she is chasing eh?
I love your work out regiment. Very nice indeed.
Keep us posted. You sound to be doing well and moving forward a step at at time.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Yes, it is bittersweet after all. Have yet another L to negotiate my severance with my previous employer. Sigh. So much legal entanglement this year.
I've been doubling up on workouts some days, doing cycling in the morning and yoga at night. I can really feel the difference, lots of tendons and muscles that haven't been used in years coming back.
One question: I've been using Headspace as well as in the yoga classes to try to meditate. I cannot get myself into that state. Does anyone else have the same problem? Using Headspace the most reaction was I'd feel sleepy and take a nap afterwards. I've done 10 lessons on that already... Has anyone achieved a true meditative state? In the yoga classes, it's so hard to concentrate with 30 people sitting in the same room. I must be doing something wrong there.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
CWOL, I don't think you are doing anything wrong. It takes time and a ton of practice.
Check Matthieu Ricard out. He has a good Ted Talk, and many You Tube vids. The gentleman is a Buddhist monk and explains the years that go into it. He does share ideas for how to start and practice that I like.
I am reading a book that is about Mindful meditation and has an 8 week program that is good. The chocolate meditation at the beginning is awesome.
IMHO, you just have to stick with it, and practice practice practice.
Question. What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should? A: Stick his bill up his a$$.
Sorry. Bad lawyer joke.
Good to hear from you and that you are doing well. Keep up the exercise. It does the body and mind good.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
SH, Still hanging in there, thanks. S11 was supposed to come spend Father's Day with me today, even though it is WW's weekend with him. Last night at 6pm he texted me that he won't be able to come :-(. I told him I was sad... Not much I can do. I guess I will find out on Wednesday what the reason was for not letting him see me on Father's Day?!? My WW has not communicated with me much on anything. Even for the summer school program I would have to register S11 first and then tell her. When she texts me she wants answers right away ("Where is S11's game tomorrow?" "Who's coaching his All-Star team?" etc. when she gets the same emails I do). I've taken to answering her after a few hours as well. It is just very annoying not to have communications from her.
Her L filed a 29 page request to my FORMER employer asking about my bonus history and all of the other officers of the corporation. My L asked him, what is the purpose of that when I am no longer working there!?! It is terrible. I sent WW a text asking her to control her lawyers, not to let them control her, as this will cost her a bundle in legal fees trying to get information that has no relevance to the D at all!
I'm sure the animosity is coming from my WW's lack of liquid funds now. She's got to come up with $1,300 a month for rent when I no longer have to give her support. Soon she will figure out what real life is without my financial lifeline.
Not sure what else to do at this point, waiting until Wednesday when I can be with my son again. His All-Star practices should start soon and I'll coordinate with the head coach on a plan. It will be fun to be able to be part of it this year and not miss most of it due to work!
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
My L had to file an RFO to get my child and spousal support payment down. Even being unemployed, my unemployment payment exceed my WW's gross income. I still end up having to pay her $300 a month, which will be enough for 45 minutes of L time! She dragged on settling the RFO until the last minute, then we ended up having to go to court today to settle. Several thousand $ down the drain to settle a stupid matter.
Originally we booked a baseball tournament for S11 at the end of this month. In June, before paying the hotel fees, I confirmed with her and she said it would be fine to stay together for the tournament. Now she refuses to, and wanted to split 3 days for me and 3 days for her. I refused to do that. So now the compromise is that she get her own room and we'll have to pay 1/2 of the total and S11 stays with us 1/2 the time for the trip. OMG I can't believe how terrible my WW has become.
S11 is doing well otherwise, he's doing great at summer school and had an awesome run in LL All-Stars. He was invited to play on a Pony All Stars tournament after LL as well last weekend, and in one game he hit for the cycle! (Home run, triple, single, double, and then a walk!) I am so proud of him and what he has accomplished. During the last weekend he did break down in tears about some small thing but I suspect it's because of the fact that our family is torn apart now. I hurt so much as well when that happened.
I think I was doing a great job of DB until the legal maneuvers last week and the court appearance this morning. It brought all of the negativity back in a flood. During the past month WW refused to reply to most of my texts (all about S11 childcare and other mundane items, nothing about R). In return, I started to give her the same treatment. She then texted me why I didn't tell her about a certain game. I ignored that as well. I've been able to let things roll off my back for the past months, until I had to confront her.
Sigh, it is sad to see my marriage of 18 years crumbling in front of me...
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
Your STBX sounds like a clone of mine. Sorry to hear she digs in to being more unreasonable as the reality of her decision sets in. Hang in there. Karma is a fickle beast.
Sad that she is cutting off communication. Not a very mature adult behavior for a parent and certainly makes co parenting that much more difficult.
Keep us posted. Still here supporting even though I don't post as often either.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
One good update is that I've been going to the gym on a daily basis now, only skip if there was a game for S11 at the time. Last week I went all seven days. I've been doing intense cardio stuff, including spinning. My daily goal is 500 Kcals on the bike an hour! Just finished yoga tonight too. My MD noticed my cholesterol has dropped significantly and took me off some meds. Also lifting weights after my cardio and swimming to finish things off.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
