I travelled up to Manchester to see mum late yesterday afternoon and she is now out of intensive care. She has a systemic infection in her gut that they think is ecoli3. We await the blood tests.
Truly she doesn't know much because of the dementia and the doctors discussed DNR with her and in front of her. The doc said I would like your views and mum said "you had better look after me then". Which was sort of cute.
She said I know you, you are V and you came to see me yesterday. Then half an hour later she asked if I had come to see her.
I had to leave find a quiet place to cry. I cry for my father, 10 days from his 65 wedding anniversary. The good thing is that aged pa is getting some rest from caring and is looking better and has gained a little weight.
I love my mum although she is a very difficult woman and my aged pa is devoted to her. There are there words that fit mum, stubborn mule and defiant. She was a career woman before these things were thought of, from an upper middle class family with wealth. An only child with a trust fund that was spent on her education and being finished. She delights in telling you that she refused to come out in season even though she could have. She made her choice of H and that was the dashing engineer from the merchant navy who had many girlfriends. She collected him whilst shopping.
My parents have always danced together, dad is quite a twinkle toes, and they still do. It made me both sad and happy to see him wash her, gently comb her hair and say he was going to take her dancing on their anniversary. Dad is 95 and mum is 90 in August they have been married 65 years on August 6 and a big family party was planned.
I think my heart is broken as I look at the losses in life and to know there are more to come. If anything will carry her through its those not give up traits of hers that shine through despite all. I always thought I favoured my father although maybe a few of aged ma traits are emerging.
So dear friend I am not yet half an orphan, the Dunkirk spirit in ma fights back.
The stillness and peace that was coming back into my life is retreating a little.
A dear friend is now lost to me and my fins are still on the decline. I work too hard. All is as it should be.
I tread water again and feel selfish that I cry about everything these days and at the drop of a hat. I would like some fighting anger but it does not come.
Thank you for caring RD.
Ghost lovely to hear from you, your children are the light of your life and I am delighted you write so beautifully about them.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hello V, I'm so sorry to read that your Mum isn't well (((((big hugs to you))))
It is good that she is out of intensive care, and yes it will give your Dad a little break. My Dad is also full time career for my Mum who has dementia. They are in their early 80s and their 60th will be coming up in a couple of years.
I understand what you are saying about the losses. I find that hard too - that I may lose my XH and possibly my Mum too in a shortish space of time. But I think the main thing is to cherish the time we do have, and do our best to be there for them in these difficult times.
Take care V, and I hope your Mum's health improves xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Hi Lady V , whilst sad to hear of your Mums condition , her spirt could see her dancing at the party yet !!
Your writing about you parents is beautiful , the description of aged Pa, combing her hair whilst chatting about dancing particularly moving. Thank you
It ok to cry about things , your going through a lot right now and to be even functioning at a decent level is doing amazing
