WAS or what 7

[Zephyr]

hey brother...sorry I've not been able to write. this week was silly busy.

I liked your last update. I do. I'm glad the strained interactions don't affect you like they used to. being grateful for what you DO have really does go a long ways towards that...not even HAVING to pretend you're in a good place, because in actuality you are.

It really, really takes a long time for the resentment to melt away...speaking form wife's perspective. you are living life and imparting no expectations of her - no emotional pressure on her. it is hard to do, but you are showing her how to do it and showing us all that it can be done.

So I did get a package in the main yesterday. it was my birthday present from wife and the kids. it was a beer club package that she picked out. some different stuff in there, so will dip into that this weekend it was really thoughtful and something I will enjoy very much. She was upset about how long it took to get (almost a month).

I hope you have a great weekend!!!

[SH_]

Keep me posted on your gratitude exercise. i am looking for ways to keep mine mixed up so it does not just become a mundane habit without true feeling behind it.

Ah yes, the simple trick that I call the Pencil smiles. My d17 shared this with me back during my dark days and I posted bout it frequently with many others. She shared how a study of folks that used the pencil to make the smile found the cartoons they watched afterwards more funny than the other group who used the pencils under their noses the caused them to frown. Simple trick, but to this day, I will pull out a pencil, or just remember to put a smile on my face as I am walking along. It really does change ones mental attitude.

I appreciate your view of gratitude towards your W in spite of the challenge with the MR that you are finding yourself in the journey. Diamonds are really created out of great pressure, and you my friend are on your way to shining like a diamond.

May you enjoy some peace and joy this fine evening roist.

[SH_]

I have a slightly different perspective on your crossroads in that I don't see any reason to rush through it. Sometimes we need to take a break and ponder before continuing our journey.

And if you get a few moments, I would love to hear you expound on your thoughts for this. you have share great advice and I could use some now at my crossroads and impatience to get moving forward.
Only if you have the time my friend.

[roist]

Thanks for dropping by Z.

I'll write when I have some time.

Things are crap between us. Poor communication and interactions. I probably as much to blame as W. I feel the last two weekends away were wasted opportunities to connect. Connection can only happen if desired by the two of us. But I had fun. We built more memories and the boys enjoyed themselves.



I am not reeling anymore either, but then over time we accept things as they are.

I am OK and I am keeping busy.

Glad your present arrived and you liked it.

[SH_]

roist,

Thank you for dropping by my thread and sharing your thoughts and wisdom. I am pondering on it and will share back shortly.

You have shared so much sound and wise words in your story and with others.
I appreciate you following my story and sharing your support and wisdom.

I hope that you are doing well and continuing to put one foot in front of the other my friend.

[roist]

I am thank you. The only way is forward.

[Vanilla]

Keep my eye on you Roist.

I would love to see Roist with positive attraction for W, in that W sees him as the amazing man he is because he is proud of that.

Roist is a cAtcham, his W should be able to see that because Roist acts that way.

V

[roist]

The eye and advice of a wise woman is always welcome V.

I am proud of me. I am not yet amazing but a few more tweaks and I will be closer. My confidence has grown too. Confidence in me and a brighter better future.

I read somewhere that there are four aspects to being attractive.
1 physical. I am in pretty good shape with plans to improve further. We meet many other couples our age and frankly I am in better shape than most Hs.
2. Emotional. I am more in touch with my emotions and those of others. Where appropriate I am open with my emotions to W (except about us). I know I cannot emotionally connect unless she drops her walls but I just want to be truer to me. I am also trying to enjoy more and more stuff, which makes me more interesting/attractive
3. Intellectual.I am more up to date with current affairs, news and the goings on in other's lives. In groups I can not only fully participate in a conversation,i can lead them. That is big for me.
4. Spiritual.Without being religious I think I am on the right path here too. I have stronger values,and a belief in better times ahead. I know what is important.

I have many good qualities and a lot to offer a woman. I accept my imperfections and work on improving myself. I have a much improved R with myself.I like me and I am treating myself with love. Not in a selfish way but in a deserving way. I deserve to be treated well.

Maybe eventually I will have to walk away to have a more fulfilling R with someone else or just to not settle for this being as good as it gets. For the moment I choose to stay. This is a choice and no longer a need. That is an empowering difference. I love your signature.If my W is stupid enough to leave, I am smart enough to let her.

I am not sure why your message sparked this response but I guess in essence I wanted to say I am well on the way to becoming the man I want to be. Self improvement will be a lifetime project but I want to reach a certain minimum level (I have a few issues to sort before then). As I previously stated, I give my W this time to find herself. After that we'll see!

[albac]

Good for you roist,

It sounds like you are doing all the things I am trying to do myself.

This is a marathon not a sprint and we are all in it for the duration. How we will emerge at the end is yet to be determined but we will be stronger more confident individuals. Stay strong roist.

[Zephyr]

hey, don't forget:

5. good father and working to be better including reading up / improving parenting philosophy. you are spending more quality time with boys.

6. good provider. you work hard and have spent a ton of effort building a reasonably comfortable life for you and your family

these are very (Structurally speaking) attractive qualities in a man. often more important than what you physically look like - just saying...