Man I hope she is starting to think about what a mistake she's made, and what she's losing by continuing the A .....
I don't feel like I can afford to think that way right now. I may have seen some small steps recently, but keeping myself real demands that I acknowledge this could have been some BS too. Yeah, it does feel a bit better trying to turn around and become the one in the distance, but until that A is done, my focus has to be on me. And my son of course.
However, you said "I hope" so please keep hoping for me ForGump - I will not turn that down.
PS, I listened to that Vedder song you quoted in your thread, I had not heard that one. Holy S! was that fking sad, I couldn't do it.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
I keep hoping for everyone who comes to this forum. Kind of weird, this forum, where all the wretched souls gather, exchange electrons, and hope to move on from this purgatory.
The Vedder song has two positive lines:
> I'm beginning to see > What's left of me is gonna have to be free to survive
I'm working on being free, I'm working on surviving....
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
I went to my IC tonight, took my S4. IC worked w/ him for about 5 minutes on listening skills then gave him an assignment to play quietly with lego type blocks in the corner while IC & I spoke.
I had not seen IC in a few weeks. So IC had not known my story until the few days before the 2nd BD, so I caught her up. I printed and let her read the very loving email my WW wrote me a few days before I dropped 2nd bomb. I printed the email I wrote WW dropping the 2nd bomb(I ended up telling WW the contents of it on the phone, not via the email). And lastly, I let IC read my WW's response to my dropping of the 2nd bomb. IC read them all in a row - took about 10 minutes. Then it got real pretty quick.
By end of emails, IC had a watery eye, no sht, and then she recovered pretty quick - like I saw something I shouldn't have. IC said something like "honesty like this just doesn't happen, you are very brave [CT118].[name of WW] loves you but is really hurting inside, and doesn't know what to do. Keep your space, and keep giving her space". I'm sure I am not quoting word for word, but I am pretty close. I thanked her, didn't know what else to say. I thought it was pretty cool that her advice was damn near identical to what SH_ and ForGump offered me earlier today - great work guys and it did not cost me some dollars to hear what you had to say.
Then we discussed S4 and played some board games with him. Her specialty is child behavior, there must be a point to the board games, maybe following rules/instructions? So what did S build w/ the blocks... he built a fking house and used three of the people figures to put a mom/dad/child in the house. Yeah, I know, tissue time in crazy town. I asked S4 what he built and he said it was a place for people to be together, so he may not have truly known what he did, but it was obviously a house and there was obviously a family in it. I didn't cry or even feel like it, nor was I angry, but my heart throbbed a massive pump when I saw it. I will not be sharing any of the above w/ WW or anyone else - perhaps here just because this place is anonymous. Some stories are just for ourselves and what S4 did, I doubt I will ever forget it. That boy, my son, he is the champion over me.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
Our children are without a doubt the champions in all of this. Their pure love and innocence are without measure. They are the beacons that can give us the strength and hope needed to push on. Without a doubt both of my daughters were the source of my strength and now they are where all my focus goes when I have any moments where the walls may feel to be closing in.
Be sure to hug that little son of yours tonight and as often as you can. Hugs from our children are a great source of strength, as well as they benefit in return knowing the love and security a father can provide.
As you say, these are the stories that you will never forget.
Have a peaceful evening CT. You deserve a peaceful rest tonight.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
CT, you might be the first guy who made me cry since I've become an adult, except for when my Dad died. And over the Internet too. Just fcking heart breaking to think about it. What you're going through, just feels like what I'm about to go through with my kids. I swear, to me, this whole thing feels like the choice parents make where they throw themselves in front of a train to save their child. I would do just fcking anything to save my kids from what pain and confusion they are about to go through.
This whole thing just feels like some absurd play. My own Truman Show. And I want someone to turn it off.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
Taking a deep breath and a sip of water....thanks everyone for the support. My night w/ S4 was lovely and the brief time this morning too. He will be with S4 tonight and Saturday night.
Cadet - I read and re-read most if not all (hard to know here because I'm not sure one could truly read "all") of the links you posts on MLC and certainly what you put in the homework. That said, I also did some extensive research into external sources of various levels of academic credibility (from journals to people's personal experiences). Basically, my ability to focus is compromised due to my ADHD - one of my mitigation techniques is that I have to write down things I really want to know and remember. So what I posted here came from my notes on the subject. Your posts were very helpful, immense even, and if anyone here begins to suspect an MLC is what they are dealing with, I would fully encourage them to explore the MLC post(s) you and other put up in that section. It really and truly is NOT the same as a spouse just hitting the road because the M was malfunctioning or because they wanted to bump w/ someone else.
And, I truly thank you for drawing those threads to proper attention. Seriously, well done sir [tipping my hat in your direction].
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
I wanted to avoid my sitch today in many ways. Then this happened...a text from WW at almost 6am about signing S4 up for a field trip, which was today, and I had already dropped him off. Texted back - "I called the facility and gave verbal permission".
Two hours later WW send a you tube link. I click it and it is a song by The Five Stairsteps called O OH Child. I had never heard of it. Here are the lyrics:
Ooh-oo child Things are gonna get easier Ooh-oo child Things'll get brighter Ooh-oo child Things are gonna get easier Ooh-oo child Things'll get brighter
Some day, yeah We'll get it together and we'll get it all done Some day When your head is much lighter Some day, yeah We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun Some day When the world is much brighter
Ooh-oo child Things are gonna be easier Ooh-oo child Things'll get be brighter Ooh-oo child Things are gonna be easier Ooh-oo child Things'll get be brighter
Some day, yeah We'll get it together and we'll get it all done Some day When your head is much lighter Some day, yeah We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun Some day When the world is much brighter
Some day, yeah We'll get it together and we'll get it all done Some day When your head is much lighter Some day, yeah We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun Some day When the world is much brighter
Ooh-oo child Things are gonna get easier Ooh-oo child Things'll get brighter Ooh-oo child Things are gonna get easier Ooh-oo child Things'll get brighter Right now, right now
Was not sure how to read this. Did not respond for 1.5 hours when I finally just sent back "Thank you". No idea what the Hll is going on - step forward/step back. If this is truly an MLC, this is the "rollercoaster" people speak of. I do know what is going on for me, and that starts in 1 minute w/ my GAL - lunch hour gym routine.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
... IC had not known my story until the few days before the 2nd BD, so I caught her up. I printed and let her read the very loving email my WW wrote me a few days before I dropped 2nd bomb. I printed the email I wrote WW dropping the 2nd bomb ...
CT1118 --
Sorry to get stuck on details but ... the above text you posted was confusing to me. Are there some typos in there?
Your W dropped the 2nd bomb, right? Not you?
The email you mention ... was in response to your W dropping the bomb, right?
If you did drop bombs on your wife, what were they?
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
