Albac - 7 months in. Life goes on.

[Surfer]

You are doing absolutely fine.

You won't loose your mind, don't worry. I know how it feels though and you do get through this stage. Not to say it is not very tricky. Just try and keep your distance emotionally and physically and do things that make you happy.

Got to get to a stage when you 'realise' you want your old S back. Not this new alien. Need to try to detach from the alien. You still love your S - just you don't want the alien.

Surfer.

[albac]

Thanks surfer,

I appreciate the feedback. I think we all know what would should be doing its just harder to follow our own thoughts. Much easier to hear he truth from others.

I will stay the course and make my D2 the priority

[Surfer]

Perfect.

When I see short responses like this I am happy. It means people are getting more focused. Keep focusing. All about goals!

Keep going.

Surfer.

[albac]

I think it's just me getting in tune with reality.

This will not end fast this is my life. I need togwtbusebto living it without her because the the way it's heading regardless of what I want.

if she surprises me later and decides she wants to try then that's great but I'm moving on.

She has been contacting me a lot less this week I think she is trying to counter my NC by going distencer again. When I say that less contact no phone calls a couple of text messages and a few snap chats but I'm ignoring it all.

Will see what happens. Stay strong

[ForGump]

Good for you, man! Move on! What's the next step? Will you initiate legal D?

Can you see yourself dating again in the near future? I've begun to think of it this way: I should keep that door wide open. Don't put arbitrary restrictions on it, like, Oh it's only been so many months, so I shouldn't date. At the same time, I need to be keenly in touch with how I feel. Am I really ready to enjoy the company of another woman, and to what extent? How would it feel to date someone, esp. w/r/t any on-going feelings I have for my W?

I think for me moving on also includes doing my part to make the D happen, an amicable D. I think. But still feels wrong w/r/t my kids....

Just thinking aloud here.

[albac]

Gump, thanks man

I have come a long way these last few weeks. I made the decision to see a psychologist and it has helped although I'm keeping an open mind as his views are a lot different to DB but I can see a lot of logic in it.

For me I'm 7 months separated the thought of moving on and seeing other people has been in my head BUT it's more just the idea in my head I am not ready to act on it yet. And that's not because I'm hanging on to hope my W comes back it's because I need to have myself well and truly sorted out and be totally comfortable on my own before I will try to bring anyone else into my life.

It is kind of exciting in a way, don't get me wrong I still very much love my W but I UNDERSTAND now and can see the big picture. Life is indeed short and right now she doesn't want me and that's ok. We are both on a journey and I hope it leads us back together but I know I will be ok if it doesn't. I will not have any part of initiating a D and I'm fairly sure the laws in Australia you can't D until legally separated at least 12 months.i will leave that in her hands.

I will know when the time is right to move on but for now I am happy finding myself. I'm as for as I have ever been I feel good physically and have been running and gyming heaps.

My W just doesn't get it yet. She invited me over for dinner again tomorrow all happy happy as if nothing has happened haha if you don't laugh you will cry she is so confused but I will be having a talk with her tomorrow about what she really WANTS and sit back and see what happens.

[albac]

not much has changed in my sitch but I feel a change in the wind.

My W started a university course on a whim without about 1 weeks thought of that and it's just starting to get serious. She mentioned on the phone yesterday it was getting very hard and she doesn't know if she can do it.

This is not my problem and I don't what her to fail at anything but I feel if this fails it will make her start questioning some of her decisions.

Anyway I asked the question on ForGumps thread about what would people do differently if no kids were involved as I ask myself that question a lot. But another question I ask myself a lot is what would I actually do if she wanted to come back and work on things and how does it make you feel?

I ask myself the question all the time say she shows up says she's made a huge mistake and wants to work it out? It changes my whole thought process in my head I go from wanting something so badly to I have no idea what I would do. And would I start questioning if it is actually what I want.

Interested to had people's thoughts on it

[AndrewP]

I ask myself the question all the time say she shows up says she's made a huge mistake and wants to work it out?

albac - interesting your thoughts are going this way. In late June my own W admitted that she had made a big mistake and when I said that I wished I could help her response was "it's all on me". A few weeks later she left presumably to work on that.

Admitting the mistake does not necessarily mean coming back. I often worry that my W thinks that things are broken beyond repair. Some days I myself wonder that too.

[albac]

AndrewP,

That is the problem isn't it? I often wonder if my W actually wants to work things or but thinks it's to broken or because I'm pulling back contact that I don't want to work it out? But hen I remember mind reading is no good and if someone truly loves someone then they will find a way to make it work.

I guess time will tell. It gets me down a little to see so many people here struggling and not really any good stories of people working it out. I assume that once people here do have success they just a top posting.

That's what I'm putting it down to anyway.

[ForGump]

I have little doubt your W will let you know clearly if she wants to work on your M. You have a D2 together -- ***if*** she wants to work on your M, she's not going to simply let you walk away because she thinks your interest level is weak.

My take on the low success rate seen here is that it's pretty accurate. Most R's don't work out. I wish it were not true, but that's what I believe.