Cherry, filing, moving. Gaining strength

[msp710]

Hang in there Cherry. Your strength is a inspiration to me as well as the countless people who are following your journey. You don't deserve this.

[Surfer]

My mil said yesterday that for someone getting everything he wants, he doesn't appear happy , and he doesnt. But maybe that's because he possibly doesn't truly know what he wants, or it's the guilt eating away. Who knows

This is very true. If you it a MLC (say) or whatever, this state of mind is causing this behaviour. behind it all is a disillusioned person. Disillusionment is:

"disappointment resulting from the discovery that something is not as good as one believed it to be."

People the MLC st or WS often seems to have an unrealistic expectation in relation to what life should be. They become selfish and put their own 'needs' (wants/desires) first. They seem to focus on short terms goals or needs that they have become fixated by - if only I could run away, escape etc. Then it would all be fine. They think they know what will work but at the back of their mind they know these choices are not good. They also feel guilt creeping up.

I'd rather be on this side of the fence personally.

Surfer.

[Cherry]

Msp710, thank you. I don't think anyone deserves this pain we are feeling. But thank you for the support and compliments

Yeah surfer, you are so right. And you're right on being on this side of fence. When I've spoken to him and validated his feelings, I have actually meant it. It's easy to yell and point the blame, I don't excuse affairs, but being lost and becoming a stranger to everyone including yourself must be hard. I am at the stage of, ok I just need to let him know. And wether or not he realises he is making a mistake or not, I don't know at all.

[PsySara]

I agree with liking my sided of the fence. I've always known I wanted a family, a career that allows for life balance and a comfortable income so I can plan retirement and pay for the kid's college. IT seems my WH keeps looking for that pie in the sky, the magical "thing" that will finally make him "happy." I am grateful for what I have and really don't want more than I have. I can't imagine being my WH, making oodles of money, chasing young nurses and thinking I would be happier not married to my faithful partner.

BTW, I did a facial today and paid homage to you the entire time, lol. I will probably schedule a waxing on Monday after work.

[Cherry]

I'm so glad you did! A good pamper really helps the pma I find. The waxing sounds good too! It'll be good for you to be feeling your best for wh's grand arrival.. I trust you have had the red carpet steamed and ready to roll..

I too am like you. I'm humble and I'm greatful for what I have, to me, your family is your wealth. To have a feeling that no matter what you have isn't enough and that there's something missing that will make you happy is quite frankly a feeling I don't want.

Had an enjoyable day with S.. we ran some errands and then I drove over to my family to see them and let S have some fun with them. As always, lovely to see him enjoying himself surrounded by love! Wh spent the day at home. I came home and cooked dinner, as he was home I asked him if he wanted to eat too (the way I see this is in a none persuing way, I was brought up in a culture we offer everyone in the house food. Not even the window cleaner can go to my parents house without my mom offering food and drink). Although he didn't look up at me he said he would eat. Again no words where exchanged, not even to S really. Then the usual bath and bed routine for S. No tears this bedtime, I wore him out again! While I did S'S routine, the creature of the night got ready and went out without a word.

I took advantage of the quiet time and had a nice relaxing bath, and called a friend for a catch up.

Things are still the same. Some days wh is upbeat and friendly, and others withdrawn. I have maintained my behaviour the same, a little distant but friendly.

[CT1118]

Have a good night Cherry, you still sound great.

[JksD]

Cherry, You're doing great.

I think offering him food when you are cooking anyway is fine. It's manners plus compassion.

Like the way you're keeping on. I think you've got the lighthouse thing pat down.

[Cherry]

Thank you. I don't want to appear as though I am completely passive. But that's how I see it grl, it's manners. Any house guests I have love to stay at my home for how relaxed and taken care of they are. I always say to people mi case es su casa. Help yourself to whatever. Earlier on in the sitch, he wouldn't eat when I cooked and he didn't want to appear to be taken, and he saw it as persuing. I made it crystal clear to him that was not the case, and to think of how I ever treat a guest, I offer food if I cook. It would quite frankly feel as though I am being spiteful to not ask. Plus it is a take it or leave it, it's no skin off my nose if he chooses not too. I make sure that I stick to our normal eating time routine, partly for routine for S- and if he isn't home, we eat anyway. When S was a baby and I found myself here about a year and a half ago. I would give S his food and quite often not eat or eat a piece of toast. It did feel then like our world revolved around him, and if he wasn't there- the world stopped. This time I do feel stronger. It's a take it or leave it, and our life carries on. Maybe it's the fact I've been here so long, or maybe it's because I have to be that much stronger because S is now older and more aware.

Routine is something I am aware of keeping the same for S. Any reading I've done around any changes in a toddlers life is to keep a child's routine as normal as possible, as that is kind of safety and security to them. So I shall keep up with that, and make sure we do plenty of fun things, I want him to know that he always has his mama for security and love.

Thank you CT and grl for saying I'm doing well. I've been a bit hard on myself for feeling a little sad the past few days. I guess to give myself a compliment, I haven't had it stop me from getting by and keeping on with my life, nor have I changed my approach to wh in any way.

I am toying with the idea of asking him when he is moving out. But I don't want to in any way have it seem as though I am pushing him one way or another, knowing him he would blame me at a later date and say I pushed him to going. But it's about 2/3 weeks ago that he told me he had secured a property and already paid a months rent, so if this is the case he would have signed the tenancy and have the keys. I don't think I want to be at home when he moves, and I don't think S should see it neither. I know we may have a bit more calm without seeing him coming and going, but it will all seem very real then, and I'm dreading how S will be. He's bad enough now for getting upset as to the whereabouts of his father.

[JksD]

Cherry, the moving out thing is a tough one. If you ask, it can seem like you're trying to get him to move out. But it can be quite painful to watch him move.

For the time being, my take is to not ask him. If he really should move if you and S are around, then just quickly take S away to do something fun.

[Cherry]

Yeah that sounds like a good idea. And that's exactly the take I had on it, that if I ask, he may well turn round and tell me that I pushed him to it. A bit like how he says I haven't done anything to stop him from filing. It does seem a bit like I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't with him right now. I know this is just blame shifting so I shall not take that onboard neither.