Cherry, filing, moving. Gaining strength

[Rose888]

You are such a good mom to keep your son's routine going despite WH's crazy. Your son is lucky to have you.

[Cherry]

Thank you rose. That genuinely made me smile. I would give my life for that child. So I will absolutely try my best and use every ounce of my strength to protect him from any crazy. I feel it is my absolute responsibility as a mother to protect him from absolutely everything and everything. It just is quite sad that I need to protect him from his own fathers behaviour.

[JksD]

Babe, you are such a strong woman! You inspire me to get off my moping a$$.

[Cherry]

No beating yourself up mama! You've been so strong for so so long!! We are all entitled to feel down, and you've had one hell of a thing thrown at you. I know you will come back stronger than ever, dancing round that pole like an absolute boss.

[CT1118]

Thank you CT and grl for saying I'm doing well. I've been a bit hard on myself for feeling a little sad the past few days. I guess to give myself a compliment, I haven't had it stop me from getting by and keeping on with my life, nor have I changed my approach to wh in any way.

Cherry - I read your post(s) and rarely comment. I see me here (DB world) now as either talking about me in terms of self-help or offering about me to others when deemed appropriate to help. At one point in life, especially when I first arrived here, I felt as if I had fallen so far behind I had no other choice but to become my own leader. But such a notion left room for others to lead if I were able to lead myself to the "catch-up". You, Cherry, you are a leader. You are a leader because Cherry knows Cherry. DB community has the weak, the fallen, the strong, the rebuilt, the waxing, the waning, the have done, the will be, and the won't. There are champions here, there are champions of themselves here, and then there are champions over me.

You, milady, are a champion over me. I am not one to drop the words 'deserve' or 'earned' lightly, but you have done both and in return, you receive my unyielding respect. I will read, I will watch, I will learn. I receive from you. You protect you like a damaged animal in a corner, and you have taken back the room. I guess I felt like I wanted you to know how much I respected you tonight Cherry. Get some.

[Coly23]

Hey Cherry, hooe you are having a good weekend? I'm up early as usual...

I agree it's tough with the moving out date especially if you don't want to be there. I am a typical head in the sand type of gal so I definitely wouldn't ask! However can I ask if you have seen any actual packing going on? If you haven't then I think for sure he is in denial. I know that's mind reading but if you were hell bent on leaving and you knew it was the right thing to do most normal people would be making preparations - wouldn't they?

[Cherry]

CT, that's so unbelievably kind of you, I was genuinely touched by that post! I guess I really am my own harshest critic. I think I came here more like a timid mouse, a little scared, wanting to run from feelings and giving wh the ability to dictate my moods. I like to think of myself as a full blown lioness right now, and I will protect my cubs, and I'll fight to my death to protect them, that's being a mother. For me, I became a mother as soon as I got pregnant, I knew that life inside of me had to be protected, and you worry and care for that child even though they are in the womb. Now I have a toddler running round and another inside- and I care and worry for them both. And I shall protect the best I can! I will make a life for us, I will give all I can, I will sacrifice anything, and I shall certainly put their feelings and needs above my own.

And that's the funny thing with dbing, to start with, you're scared and hiding, walking around being depressed. And the spouse, well they are constantly roaming around, ruling the roost. However in time, the roles switch and they become the one looking scared and depressed. I know even if this all goes through, and I end up D'D. I will know that I didn't act in anger or spite. I didn't kick wh out of the house like none db-ers advised to me. Instead I found a way to be strong and separate his feelings from mine, I found a way to detach some feelings from him but yet still be kind to him. And most of all, I know I protected my S from seeing parents tear lumps out of one another, and I tried my damn hardest to be a lighthouse for all around me.

Coly, it's been a busy weekend, but I've made more lovely memories, and seen my child laugh and have fun. There's absolutely no packing taking place. No organising things. If he hadn't of told me about having a new place- I would never have guessed. He has spent his weekend in his room in bed watching tv, briefly coming out for food. There's been no purchasing of any new furniture. Absolutely nothing. I don't want to do any reading into it or give myself any false hope because I know he most probably will go. However someone so focussed on leaving, I would of thought having already paid for that place and it now being his- he would be spending time there and out the door rather than being here

[Vanilla]

My lovely one

You are a shining star

V

[Cherry]

Thank you v I hope I am

[Cherry]

I don't know why, it could be my hormones throwing me off. Or it could be my gut feeling (which is usually right). But I just have the feeling that the ea he denies is a pa. I'm not sure what has triggered this, other than his inability to be near or look at me again. He is also the same with his mom and S. He came home rather early for him last night, but has spent most of the day hidden away. I had to go run some errands. I asked him would he be able to watch S. He said no because he had to go out too.

I wish I could shake this feeling. It won't do me any good, nor does it change anything really. He's already told me he has a flat and he has filed. And that as far as he is concerned he is no longer married.

Maybe it is just a combination of my hormones, sleep deprivation, and sadness as to how S is being treated by him.