When WH and I were actually starting to recover from the A (there was 2 months where OW wasn't there but recovering from surgery) my WH assured me that my pregnant body was NOT a turn off. He said men simply don't care about that, if it's soft and feminine they are HOT. Your WH's issues run waaay deeper than mere appearances. I saw pics of the OW and was struck by how plain and dumpy she looked, I am not vain but frankly I am much more attractive than her. Spouses that cheat are doing it more to fill some hole inisde themselves, they affair down historically.
I watched MWD videos today about the last resort technique and tuned up my DBing. Remember that your most consistent change is the one noticed, even if it's very small. There is no way an AP will match you, you are the mother of his children and no AP can change that. Keep being this wonderful person. One day, Inshallah, you and I will meet and bask in each other's joy and strength.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Yeah the ow I've seen is the opposite to what he likes, and he's a fan of natural beauty, she has a face CAKED in the stuff, ridiculous eyebrows. And like you, I'm not vain- but she doesn't hold a candle! This has also been verified by "well doers" at work who have heard rumours, and it's always met with "is he mad?". Though maybe this is part of the issue, he has complained to me, even recently, that everyone at work tells him he is punching above his weight with me. Again, I'm not vain- I thought we were two equals.
That is true, consistency is absolutely the key to me right now. To start with, his moods dictated mine, if he was distant, I would, if he was angry, I'd give him the silent treatment. Now I would like to think I'm calmer, I'm learning what is and isn't my problem. Mood matching is codependent and unhealthy, I understand that now. So I shall give him glimpses at the steady, strong woman that I am. In sha Allah I hope we can
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Good insight, Cherry. I never thought about mood-matching before, but you are right, it's not a good pattern to get into. I'm going to have to keep my eyes out for that tendency in myself.
I showed L-friend a pic of H's OW way back in June (before she dumped WH), and he said the same thing, that my WH had affaired-down. Shrug.
You sound like you're doing better Miss C. Keep on keeping on.
(((((Cherry)))))
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
I think all WS affair down too or rather, the OM/W affair up. I think a lot of it is someone trying to get a hook into your S. Why would they go for someone that does not fit the mould of what they want - they want attractive, security, kind etc. I think the Ws is actually just flattered to some degree and accepts the advance - then runs with it. At some point the wheels come off (often). Just MHO.
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
Surfer m, you're right. I think it is all to do with the fact that someone is giving them attention and how that makes them feel. It's not really anything about that person that is special, it's just all about how the ws feels getting that attention. They effectively are just a yes man feeding the ego of a bruised fragile person.
And thanks phoebe, I'm trying my best to keep on keeping on.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I think all WS affair down too or rather, the OM/W affair up. I think a lot of it is someone trying to get a hook into your S. Why would they go for someone that does not fit the mould of what they want - they want attractive, security, kind etc. I think the Ws is actually just flattered to some degree and accepts the advance - then runs with it. At some point the wheels come off (often). Just MHO.
Surfer.
I think they do affair down and I agree that attention plays a factor. I've heard from many people that XW has affaired down and that ow cannot even hold a candle... I've heard many things about her looks and personality and she is practically my polar opposite from the fact that she's very young and immature and insecure to our actual physical appearances are completely opposite. She is nothing of what my XW says she wants...and yet. there she is.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
