Cherry. He's gone, and divorce is looking

[JksD]

That's a great attitude to have, Cherry. Should your H ever find his way home, he will find the path smoother. I am glad that ppl are starting to guess at what's happening. You dont have to feed the gossip mills. I think they are feeding themselves in your favour.

[Surfer]

PsySara

I find something I can see, something I feel (wind on my face) something I hear. It refocuses me on the here and now and makes me step away from negative ruminations.

I like this. Sounds like someone passed this on to you.

Thanks.

Surfer.

[Surfer]

Yes. don't get involved. I told you the story of my W's Cousin trying to do the same. I side stepped her and she nearly exploded. So get your body swerve on (might be hard with that bump!), then sit back and watch the fireworks!!!

By the way have you googled 5 love languages. Listening to the audio book. It's fascinating....

LoL.

Surfer.

[Cherry]

Oh believe me, I still have plenty of swagger even when pregnant. The amount of "offers" I'm getting, especially at work has kinda left me speechless (I won't touch any with a pole, I don't even dignify with a response- they have opportunist written all over!

I have looked at LL, the first time when we went through this, and it actually was backed up by wh saying "but I do this.... which shows I love you. He is acts of service, so whenever he did something to help me- I made sure I thanked him. Whereas I am words of affection and touch. Needless to say, my needs weren't really met!

[PsySara]

Keep your swagger on. What's your plans this weekend?

[JksD]

Cherry, when your H shows sign of softening, and when it seems a reasonable time to reach out, do something for him. Maybe your meals for him?

If his LL is acts of service, he feels loved when you do things for him. Thanking him works as words of affirmation, which doesn't seem to be his LL. You should of course still affirm him, but if his main LL is AOS, you will also have to look into doing things for him.

[JksD]

Right now, he may notice but may not feel what you're doing for him so you should still keep your expectations low.

[Cherry]

Funny you should say that grl. Thursday mil asked wh if he wanted to come over for a meal Friday. He ignored this, so we took it as a no, and left it st that. We were just about to start serving and he asks what it still ok to come over. We said sure, there was enough. He was quiet but thanked us for the meal (he ate super fast, he looks like he hasn't eaten a home cooked meal since he left!) he played with a a bit and said he had to go. I have an old phone which is newer than his, he told me his was broken so I offered him mine, which he declined. I thought I would leave it at that.

It was a bit of a strange encounter, he came of his own accord but was very withdrawn. Still my expectations of him are pretty low. So it didn't hurt me, was just an interesting observation. Not sure wether to reach out again as he's receptive. It's hard to know what to do really.

I've a busy weekend! Seeing family and then I'm going to do a few fireworks and food for S. just a couple of bright garden ones that are none noisy. Then seeing another friend tomorrow.

[Sotto]

Hi Cherry, I think it's good that he came - even if he was pretty withdrawn and didn't engage much. At least he does feel comfortable enough to come around for dinner.

In your sitch, I don't believe you reaching out would be the right way to go at this point. He has chosen to leave and I would respect that, leave him be and go about your own weekend with as light a heart as possible. When you see him, you can of course leave him with some light and positive memories of those little interactions.

Watch out for the nurturing mind reading - he may or may not have had a home cooked meal and that's up to him really....He's a grown up and can cater for himself. Whilst you may feel some compassion, I think it is important to let him walk the path he needs to walk.

Hope you have a lovely weekend! Got any nice plans?? :)xx

[Cherry]

Well yes, and the most important part of that for me, was he saw a and spent a little time with him. He obviously does feel comfortable enough to come over. And I think all things considered I am very civil with him. I treated him just as a guest, and that's how it felt, was kinda strange.

I have been getting on with my own plans. I've been really making the effort to get things sorted, and get some kind of work/home/social balance. And it really does help. There is certainly less of the "I don't want to do anything" feelings. I'm just trying to build my own little life up, and adapt as life as a single parent. I've kind of felt as though I've been doing this for a long time, and I take a to do a lot of things, and then mil is a great hand to baby sit so I can have an evening with a girlfriend.

Walking his own path is something I'm getting used to and mil is too. We both almost feel guilty that we feel this calm relief in the house. But we have tried with him, and now we are just concentrating on us and building our own routines.