Thank you Job! My point is : to see if it is his guilty conscience that created this new group. justification for him not responding in the first place.
I do not know much about those group chats. I am reluctant to advise when it comes to that.
Of course, you could always say "h, thank you for the heads up on the new group address. My mother and I posted a message to you on the old one a couple of days ago." That way, it doesn't look like you are questioning him about what he's done and it leaves the door open for him to make a comment.
Just a suggestion.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi... thanks a lot for your replies ... I will leave it for the day and think about it tomorrow as you said no need to rush anything ... In WhatsApp we use our phone numbers to get msg . He had two phones one for office which he never used with us and one personal... now the activity has stopped on the personal and he send a msg from the work. He is a part owner so no issues there . Me and my mom send directly to his personal phone. As for the group it is a closed group that he used to have between his personal number and kids... the new one he created and added us to it is using his work number and me and kids...
Anyway ... at least he has not forgotten us... I know it is not enough... and he still seems to have a long way to go... my younger kids sent him a picture for the group...he responded with some small smiley faces ... the elder didnot respond ... I guess she doesnot know what to say...I feel the same way... there is no question to answer... well I leave it for now don't want to think about him today...
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Hello I waited for next day to send anything then by end of day yesterday I send as per job recommendation to thank him for the new group but privately on his new number not on kids group . Then I asked if old number is working or we should delete it. He replied to delete it as he was moving to new provider. Intresting so sent it was a pity as my mom send him a msg when she was at his state last week but unfortunately no luck . He sent an apology for not being there . So I replied with apologies accepted . He sent some videos for the kids of funny situation ,,, but nothing personal... well I guess it is his way of touch and go ... let's see if he will disappear soon again ...
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Hello As expected touch and go... been three days since his last interaction ... my younger kid sent some smiley faces but nothing else the elder didnot respond at all to the group... she doesnot show anger or disappointment just that nothing to answer ... usually when he initiate contact I try to maintain it for a while until I get frustrated and stop this time I stopped my self early ... trying to be just nice and giving him the neighbour treatment ...I guess sometimes we need to learn from our kids. At least this time he will know if he doesnot want to do an effort to connect no one will try ... it is s pity things reached this situation ...but I am keeping myself busy for the time being ...
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Hello again ... I kept my self busy these days .. the distance work option did not work... no issues... maybe there is something better for me here. As to H yesterday he did another touch an go ... he sent couple of msg on the group chat ( the group has me him and both kids) so my elder exchanged some msg with him on some tv series they both are watching then he asked her about her sister and me ... she replied we are doing good... today in the morning we get a new msg of good morning but addressed to kids ... and expressing his love ... well I am happy he started initiating contact with the kids at last I early begged him to show them that he cares about them and not abandon them but he would for a short while then go... now that I let go and stoped trying to fo his relationship with them he started ...well whatever our situation it is important for my kids to feel loved from both parents . For both contact although I am in the group but msg were general and addressed to kids mainly... should I sent any msg or stay low ... please advise
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
I think I would remain quiet for a bit. He's just starting to initiate contact w/the children and you don't want to "scare" him off by contacting him just yet. He's inquiring about you and that's a step in the right direction. If the contact continues between him the children up to the holidays, I would send him a msg. that says something like "Happy Holidays. I hope you have a nice holiday season". Nothing too personal.
Continue to give him time and space.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you Job ... I guessed that you would say that... my kids saw his morning msg and that he loves them a lot but they didnot reply... I decided not to interfere ... they never blame him for anything so I guess this might be their way of saying what they want...or they didnot know what to answer him. Usually when I tell them I love you one says "I know "and the other would say " u should" ... anyway I feel good today ...I think I got used to my status and looking forward to the vacation . . Thanks a lot Job for your support I follow your comments to me and others . It gives me a lot of support ....
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Hello ..... so after his last touch I didnot send anything ... yesterday my youngest replied to his loving them msg say ok cool ... she made me laugh but I said nothing ... my eldest didnot reply... so We wake up today with a new good morning txt msg also addressed to kids with a picture of the fog in his city ... well ... don't know if it is right or not but I sent him privately the msg I earlier sent to his disconnected phone ... that good morning and we plan to travel and is is welcomed to join .... No replies yet.. I am ok whether he replies or not ...I felt I want to do that and it is up to him how to respond ... I feel I am not afraid anymore of whatever happens ...I have been reading detachment thread lately and I think I detached my self of the outcome and results... I am not as emotional as before and after last episode I guess I stopped worrying about wether he is doing well or not . Actually weird enough I got disturbed when I thought I have to answer him back for his last txt and felt uneasy ....happy I didnot .... maybe I am more at ease lately without him .....ummmm what does that say....... I am lately looking and applying for jobs.... I have a part time position and feel things will turn just fine.... I saw lately the Ted talk of Shawn anchor ... I really recommend everyone to see it .... I realized that I am doing a lot of the items he suggested like mediation, 3 gratitude, journally positive, no multi tasking, trying to be in the moment or present and not to worry about tomorrow... yes I would love my marriage to be restored and I know he is a good man but maybe there is wisdom for me to have to go through this ordeal .... and maybe this is better than something else.... anyway since I don't have control over this I just need to work with it... thank you for letting me vent here ... it is good therapy to write down positive feelings .... I hope anyone reading this have a great day ahead....
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
You sound stronger today. Whether it's right or not, you sent a message and invited him along...at least he can make his decision and hopefully get back to you. He really is trying to reach out to the children, but he's got to find a way to mend the fences w/your oldest. Your oldest is a tough cookie and he's got a lot of work to do to reach her.
I hope you have a pleasant day. Stay positive and continue moving forward.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
