Great update Lana. You are fine with him or without. Stay true to yourself and take care of your Daughters. Standing or not Standing, YOU have a life to live and wonderful children by your side. You created them, they are a gift, a blessing! To me,my children were ALL THAT MATTER !! I worked very hard to break the cycle of a " hard " childhood so that my children, hopefully, won' t go through a crisis of their own as adult. I pray to God that I succeeded.. Have a wonderful holyday season Lana.. xo
Hello... off me go... vacationing ... happy holidays everyone.... I am so much looking forward to travel, kids too... they had lots of exams this month and fix great so very much deserved .... I have been reading some of others stitches which is really eye opener and made me decide although we are different some how stories are so similar . This gives me more confidence to drop the rope.. thank you Andrewp and exquisite for your lovely supportive words... I. S one stronger when I write here in this forum... some friends asks me if he is in depression and financial difficulties shouldn't a wife be next to him ... I try to change the subject and say he is an adult and will figure it out... I am taking care of me and kids and when he misses us he know how to find us... I am not interested with a half baked H ... so don't think I want half measures no more .. maybe couple of months ago I would have accepted crumbs but I don't think I would now... so to all LBS I say happy holidays enjoy the time with your kids. Dear God , I know you are watching over us so if there is any good that can come from H bring him closer if there is not keep him away... I trust in thee...
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Happy holidays to you and your kids. Make some new memories on vacation and like you said " let H figure it out "
Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Happy holidays, travel safely and definitely enjoy yourself. You've earned the time away.
Leave your h in God's hands. Christmas is the time when miracles do happen and one never knows where a miracle may take place.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hello... I am back ... had great time with the kids... wedding was great partying every night... I saw friends haven't seen for sure me time... I feel we rejeuvenated...
I missed h sometimes but then I thought if he was with me maybe I would be stressed thinking if he is doing ok... I just realized that every time we traveled I was not that relaxed trying to fix everything for everyone to be happy ... this time I did not have..:
Of course no msg since dec6 so I sent a msg today kids have fun we are back and that they have a vacation end of Jan if he would like to see them then wished him happy new year in advance...
I know going dark would never go with him ... in my whole marriage life I never seen him going back to any broken relation with any ... he never restart building ... I guess when this break his bad feeling takes over and can't mend it ...
Anyway that is his not mine ... as it says going dark is for me to detach which I think I am doing well... I am not expecting a reply on my msg but I think if will be more difficult to blame me fir cutting him off...
I had great time done friend came one envolved with a separated man which in the beginning I got some chils later on she tried to explain they Have amiable seperation and a year before they met ... I let it go without discussing cause I don't think I can do that and be supportive .. another one came with her h and were fighting or not talking most of that time... I felt I could have been in her place... so I guess I got a better deal...
Anyway came back home ... had so much fun and hope everyone has a good year ahead ...
Last edited by job; 12/31/1605:06 AM. Reason: edited a word for poster
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Hello job... I know you will not like what I did but ... According to my zodiac this year 2017 I have divorce and separation written all over... imagine the shock I had when I read it... and the disappointment ...to top it he did not reply to my previous two msg ... I really don't want animosity even if we are not together... I wonder how can new year pass with no msg to me or kids ...how could a good person be so insensitive whatever his excuses are. I sent him a msg to day saying " me and kids missed you on new year" not expecting any answer at all. Surprisingly he answered with a msg to me saying"Hello and happy new year to you as well and I missed everyone very much. This year felt the loneliest, hence I worked through the night of the new year ever and days. I hope and I wish this year brings us closer and I wish I get to see my family more." and sent another one to kids giving them love and kisses. Will take it at face value and hope for the he best ... a question he doesnot usually work with going dark should I just send a light msg/joke every couple of days with no expectations or just go back to dark.. any advice.
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
It's not a matter of whether I like what you did or not...but how you feel about your actions. If you are comfortable w/your decision to post a message to him, then that is all that matters.
If you think going NC isn't working for you, then try something else. Maybe try a light message in a couple of weeks...but keep your message very light. Of course, you know the drill...keep your expectations very low. If you sense that he's getting annoyed w/your messages, then stop. There is absolutely no right or wrong way when dealing w/a WAW or MLCer. Each situation is different and each LBS will need to figure out what works best in their situation.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks job ... actually he never complained about my msg.. and sometimes he Thankwd me for sending pictures... he was always thankful even when I asked anything to do with kids as if he doesnot expect to be included ... but this frustrated me cause I felt he was distance and doesnot care ... it is like thank you for putting the effort ... but he will never request to be included .. i guess feels weird that he always felt an outsider .. not a father or a husband who has any say in his kids and how they are raised .. it was my feeling that I put effort in keeping him informed and still he doesnot want to be responsible or even an active participant . Keeps all relations on surface never tries to understand how anyone feels wants dreams even his kids ...anyway his birthday is coming will send him a short birthday msg on his birthday.... kids didnot answer his msg to the group... I didnot discuss it...will leave it up to them .... I feel they just don't know what to say to him so they opt to silence....
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Hello ... I am enjoying my kids a lot... somehow I feel great after the vacation .to my surprise I open the group chat and see 50 msg between him and my eldest ... he started the chat and sent his picture whereby she responded ... interesting enough he asked about our vacation and requested pictures ... she sent him some... then he volunteered some info of being to stressed with work last 3 months and hopefully things will be better and ended it with sending hugs kisses for D2 and moi... and requesting to keep in contact ... anyway I will not read much into it... will stay low and light and send him a msg on his birthday next week ... I am happy he started picking his relation with the kids... I am also happy I stopped trying to control it or fix it....
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
